Infants with insecure/resistant attachment are extremely distressed by the separations and cannot be soothed at reunions, essentially displaying much distress and angry resistance to interactions with the caregiver, which occurs in 8% of the general population (9).
Common to all insecurely attached children is the inability to use one's parent as a secure base and safe haven, and negative beliefs about the availability and accessibility of caregivers, but insecurity is manifested in different ways (Cassidy, 1994; Main, Kaplan, & Cassidy, 1985).
Examples of Insecure Attachment Behavior in Children
Actively avoiding parents/caregivers. Frequent bouts of inconsolable crying. Being overly clingy with parents/caregivers. Masking emotions.
Secure attachment is an ongoing partnership between you and your baby, but it doesn't mean you have to be the perfect parent. Building a Secure Attachment Bond with Your Baby can help you understand your baby's cries, interpret their signals, and respond to your baby's needs for food, rest, love, and comfort.
Three signs that a person has insecure attachment include the inability to engage in intimacy, struggling to form healthy relationships with others, and unpredictable or inconsistent behavior with loved ones.
There is increasing evidence from the fields of development psychology, neurobiology and animal epigenetic studies that neglect, parental inconsistency and a lack of love can lead to long-term mental health problems as well as to reduced overall potential and happiness.
The early signs that a secure attachment is forming are some of a parent's greatest rewards: By 4 weeks, your baby will respond to your smile, perhaps with a facial expression or a movement. By 3 months, they will smile back at you. By 4 to 6 months, they will turn to you and expect you to respond when upset.
Parenting for a secure attachment has two themes: 1) providing comfort when needed and 2) offering the freedom to explore when desired. It's a simple concept, but one that can be complex to manifest in the rush of everyday life. That's why a book like this can be a crucial tool for parents.
Children can't be too attached, they can only be not deeply attached. Attachment is meant to make our kids dependent on us so that we can lead them. It is our invitation for relationship that frees them to stop looking for love and to start focusing on growing.
It's common for children to develop favorites around age 2, and they may cycle from one parent to another, or prefer different parents for different activities, up through age 5. Showing a preference is one way children attempt to control their world, which might feel especially out of control right now.
Insecure attachment styles are often caused by misattuned parenting, childhood trauma, or abuse. They could have a strong negative impact on the individual's mental health, social behavior, and ability to build stable and long-lasting intimate relationships in adulthood.
As well as the obvious hugs and kisses, children show they love you by rubbing their face against yours, holding your hand and sitting on your lap. Asking to be picked up, snuggling into your arms, resting their head on your shoulder. There's no greater trust than what a child has for their parent.
Emotionally absent or cold mothers can be unresponsive to their children's needs. They may act distracted and uninterested during interactions, or they could actively reject any attempts of the child to get close. They may continue acting this way with adult children.
Mommy issues refer to problems forming or maintaining healthy adult relationships, due to a person's insecure or unhealthy relationship with their mother or another female figure in their childhood. It can lead to a negative self-image, low levels of trust, and other issues.
Maternal deprivation syndrome is a form of failure to thrive that is caused by neglect (intentional or unintentional).
Known as disorganized attachment style in adulthood, the fearful avoidant attachment style is thought to be the most difficult. Sadly, this insecure attachment style is often seen in children that have experienced trauma or abuse.
Fearful-Avoidant, aka Disorganized Attachment
The fearful-avoidant attachment style is the rarest, and "develops when the child's caregivers — the only source of safety — become a source of fear," according to the Attachment Project, an attachment style education site.
Attachment trauma is painful, but healing is possible. It can be difficult to do on your own, but therapy, self-care, learning new ways to communicate, and connecting with yourself and others can be helpful.
1.2. Insecure avoidant attachment. Children who develop an 'avoidant' attachment pattern are thought to maintain proximity to their caregiver by 'down-regulating' their attachment behaviour: they appear to manage their own distress and do not strongly signal a need for comfort.
Why a child only wants one parent. Sometimes when your child favors you or your partner, this is a way of showing toddler independence. She wants to prove that she can make her own choices (in the same way she insists on The Runaway Bunny every night or the green sippy cup every time she has something to drink).