Anxious attachment, also called preoccupied attachment, is an insecure relationship style marked by a deep fear of abandonment, a strong need for intimacy and closeness, and a constant need for reassurance, often stemming from inconsistent caregiving in childhood that taught a child their needs might not always be met. Adults with this style may have low self-esteem, feel unworthy of love, become clingy, jealous, or overly dependent, and struggle with being alone, always needing validation that they are loved and good enough.
An individual with anxious attachment often exhibits signs of needing constant reassurance and validation, has a fear of abandonment, and may become overly dependent on their partner. They might frequently seek closeness and become distressed when they perceive any form of distance or separation.
Your core wounds have a direct impact on your attachment style, patterns, and coping mechanisms. The two most commonly seen core wounds (also known as attachment wounds) in anxiously attached individuals are: “I am/will be abandoned” and “I am alone”.
The strong fear of abandonment might often cause anxious adults to be intensely jealous or suspicious of their partners. This fear might also lead them to become desperate, clingy, and preoccupied with their relationships. Adults with an anxious attachment style are often afraid of or even incapable of being alone.
Answer: Breaking the cycle of anxious attachment often involves self-awareness and personal growth. This can be achieved through therapy such as Emotionally Focused Therapy, self-help resources such as the book Attached, and practicing self-compassion.
What Is the Unhealthiest Attachment Style? Anxious attachment styles, disorganized attachment styles, and avoidant attachment styles are considered insecure/unhealthy forms of attachment.
Some common root causes of anxious attachment include: Inconsistent parenting – When caregivers are occasionally warm and loving, but at other times emotionally distant or unavailable. Early experiences of abandonment – Experiencing physical or emotional abandonment can create deep fears of rejection.
The disorganized (or fearful-avoidant) attachment style is generally considered the hardest to love because it combines anxious and avoidant traits, creating chaotic "push-pull" dynamics where individuals crave intimacy but fear it, leading to intense instability, self-sabotage, and mistrust, often rooted in trauma. Partners struggle with the unpredictable shifts from seeking closeness to suddenly withdrawing or pushing away, making consistent, secure connection incredibly challenging, notes The Hart Centre.
In an attempt to avoid abandonment, an anxious attacher may become clingy, hypervigilant, and jealous in a relationship. They are often overwhelmed by the fear of being alone, so they do whatever they can within their power to hold on to their relationship.
Anxious attachers typically require high levels of reassurance, intimacy, and emotional support from their partners to feel loved and safe.
Early traumas, such as abuse or neglect, often disrupt the development of secure attachment, leading to insecure styles in adulthood—such as anxious or avoidant attachment.
Signs of childhood trauma
Anxious attachment is associated with dependent, histrionic, and borderline disorders, whereas avoidant attachment is associated with schizoid and avoidant disorders.
Disorganized attachment, also known as fearful-avoidant, is the rarest of all styles, as only around 5% of the population attaches this way. This insecure attachment style mixes anxious and avoidant attachments with unique traits.
Emotional Triggers
One way or another, people with anxious attachments have trouble trusting themselves and their partners. Both Goldberg and Sgro say this leads to a variety of emotional triggers that activate anxious attachment, including: Perceived emotional or physical distance. Disagreements or arguments.
Based on what we know about anxious attachment styles, we might find that trust difficulty plays a major role in self-sabotage for people with high relationship anxiety. This could lead you to do things that ultimately push your partner away, like constantly checking in or looking for reassurance.
In relationships, anxiously attached individuals may crave closeness but struggle with insecurity, seeking constant reassurance. While this desire for connection is natural, it can sometimes manifest as behaviors that feel controlling or manipulative to their partner.
Signs of an anxious attachment include:
Recognizing Emotional Abuse
A dismissive-avoidant attachment style is a type of unhealthy, insecure attachment pattern in which individuals tend to avoid emotional intimacy and may appear emotionally detached in relationships.
Which attachment style falls in love quickly? People with anxious preoccupied attachment are likely to fall in love quickly due to their strong desire for closeness and connection, as well as their fear of being alone. They may idealize their partner early in the relationship and seek a deep emotional bond early on.
A 2019 study of over 400 adults found that insecure attachment styles, including both avoidant and anxious, significantly predicted past divorce and current relationship status. People with higher avoidance were more likely to have experienced a divorce, even when other factors like age were controlled.
Anxious attachment can happen when a baby's primary caregiver is inconsistent in meeting their needs. The baby learns that they may or may not get what they need, so they aren't easily comforted. Avoidant attachment is most likely to form when a caregiver doesn't provide a baby with enough emotional support.
According to psychology, the biggest problem for overthinkers is that when they get attached to someone, their entire mood depends on how that person responds to them. They notice every small change. A delayed text ruins their day. A different tone of voice sends them spiraling.
Four Tips on How to Self-Soothe the Anxious Attachment Style