Hoovering is a manipulation strategy narcissists use to keep their victims in or suck them back into a toxic relationship. Narcissists use this type of emotional abuse when they sense that their victim is seeking to pull out of the narcissistic abuse cycle.
Coined after the Hoover vacuum, hoovering is a calculating scheme commonly used by narcissists to "suck" you up into their orbit and get you back into their life. It's an energetically draining dynamic that perpetuates a toxic pattern of idealization, devaluation, and discardment.
The Five Reasons That Narcissists Hoover
They have an insecure need to be accepted by society. To feed their insecure need for power and control. They are addicted to the highs and lows of a dysfunctional relationship. To regain control of the narcissistic supply.
Hoovering is a behavioral term used to describe a narcissist (or someone with narcissistic tendencies) who uses emotional manipulation to lure their partner back into a toxic relationship.
Some of the biggest signs of hoovering are threats of self-harm. A manipulative ex will attempt to force you to respond by saying they're going to hurt themselves unless you answer their texts or calls. They may even threaten to kill themselves.
They will use hoovering to manipulate you back into a relationship. For example, they may promise to change, threaten you with self-harm or suicide, or proclaim their love for you (even though they have struggled to show their feelings before).
No matter how low the narcissist in your life might make you feel, if you're fulfilling their needs in some way, they want you about. Being highly skilled in manipulation, they will do all they can to reel you back in, including hoovering.
When a narcissist has their hoover rejected it contradicts their sense of self, bruises their ego, and triggers their need for narcissistic supply. You can expect to experience a lot of rage, but if you maintain firm boundaries, you'll be able to escape their abuse, rebuild your sense of self, and successfully heal.
The vulnerable narcissist, then, seems to be the one to be wary of in order to prevent being “hoovered.” This is the person who will not exhibit as much outward aggression, and, as a result, you may be more easily brought back into their sphere when you're tempted to leave.
A monumental weakness in the narcissist is the failure to look internally and flesh out what needs to be worked on. Then, of course, the next step is to spend time improving. The narcissist sabotages any possibility of looking deep within.
8 Triggers of a Narcissist's Rage
They don't get their way, even if what they want is unreasonable. They feel that they've been criticized, even if the critique is constructive or said kindly. They're not the center of attention. They're caught breaking rules or not respecting boundaries.
It's a form of abuse where you Hoover yourself.
The term is coined from the famous Vacuum Cleaner, often referring to the abuser trying to “suck” you back into the abuse.
Examples of narcissistic rage range from intense outbursts and sudden fits of anger, to passive-aggressive acts such as simmering resentment, icy silence, deliberate neglect, or cutting sarcasm.
Grey rocking is a technique used to divert a toxic person's behavior by acting as unresponsive as possible when you're interacting with them. For example, using the grey rock method involves deliberate actions like avoiding eye contact or not showing emotions during a conversation.
"Future faking is when someone uses a detailed vision of the future to facilitate the bonding and connection in a romantic relationship," Greg Kushnick, PsyD, a psychologist based in New York City, told Health. It's generally something narcissists do, added Dr.
A true narcissist is unlikely to become an empathic and selfless individual. However, if a narcissist believes their behavior is harmful to others and themselves, wants to change, and is willing to actively participate in therapy, some change can occur.
If a narcissist is interested in you, you might notice that they shower you with admiration and attention shortly after you meet them. They might be quick to say “I love you,” put you on a pedestal, and make grand romantic gestures.
If you're breaking up with a covert narcissist who tends to live in the shadows but prop up their partner in order to feel important themselves, they'll likely be furious at feeling undervalued, act helpless and say that they “gave you everything.” They will likely paint you as a mean, abandoning, cruel and selfish ...