Grief is a complex, highly individual experience that involves a wide range of intense and shifting emotions. There is no single "right" way to grieve, and people may not experience emotions in a specific order or all of them.
The five stages – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance – are often talked about as if they happen in order, moving from one stage to the other. You might hear people say things like 'Oh I've moved on from denial and now I think I'm entering the angry stage'. But this isn't often the case.
Shock, anguish, loss, anger, guilt, regret, anxiety, fear, loneliness, unhappiness, depression, intrusive images, depersonalization, and the feeling of being overwhelmed are but a few of the sentient states grieving individuals often describe.
Kübler-Ross proposed a five-stage theory based on the experiences of terminally ill individuals coming to terms with their death. The premise behind her theory is that one will pass through certain emotions (denial, anger, bargaining, depression) before coming to a true acceptance and release of their loss.
Losing somebody is painful and can feel unfair. You may feel angry or frustrated. And you might want to find something or someone to blame for the loss, to try to make sense of it. This might include feeling angry at yourself, others, the world or the person who has died.
The "3 Cs of Grief" for adults are Choose, Connect, Communicate, a framework to actively manage loss by choosing helpful actions, connecting with supportive people, and communicating needs. For children, the 3 Cs are often Cause, Catch, and Care, addressing their deep-seated fears about what caused the death, if they can "catch" it, and if they are safe and cared for. Both frameworks offer simple, actionable ways to navigate grief's confusion and find healing.
Grief and loss affect the brain and body in many different ways. They can cause changes in memory, behavior, sleep, and body function, affecting the immune system as well as the heart. It can also lead to cognitive effects, such as brain fog.
Grief Feelings
Learn about the four Cs of Grief: Common, Complex, Complicated, and Life Changing. We will look at various aspects of grief, including how common grief is in our everyday lives, the complexities of grief, and how it impacts us socially, emotionally, physically, and spiritually (to name a few).
Acceptance: The Golden Ring
Accepting the reality that the loved one is physically gone, and that this new reality is permanent can be perhaps the most challenging Stage of Grief to process, but it can lead to the beginning of true healing. Reaching this stage of mourning does not happen for everyone.
During grief, the HPA axis can become overactive, leading to the prolonged release of stress hormones such as cortisol. Cortisol: Often referred to as the “stress hormone,” cortisol helps the body respond to stressful situations.
It is one of the most powerful emotions people experience. Whether the loss is a family member, friend, classmate or beloved pet, grieving is hard. Children have an especially difficult time dealing with their grief. Fears of separation and the finality of death is a lot to process.
Losing a loved one can be an intensely stressful experience that can take a toll on one's mental and physical health. The grieving process can cause everything from bodily pain and a weakened immune system to stomach upset and fatigue, according to the National Institutes of Health Link is external.
Many things may trigger grief, such as songs, a season of the year, birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, or special events in someones life, which they may wish the deceased could enjoy with them. Usually these grief episodes that occur a long time subsequent to the loss are short-lived.
HOW GRIEF CHANGES US FOR NOW: Changes in sleep, eating, and overall energy. Personality changes like being more irritable, less patient, or no longer having the tolerance for other people's “small” problems. Forgetfulness, trouble concentrating and focusing.
Common physical symptoms of grief. These are some of the physical symptoms of grief that you may experience: a hollow feeling in your stomach. tightness, or heaviness, in your chest or throat.
Strategies and Tips for Grieving
In the 3–5–7 Model, the Kubler-Ross (1969) stages of grieving (denial, shock/protest/anger/rage, bargaining, depression, and acceptance) are overlaid with the attachment cycle to provide an understanding of the behaviors that children may be presenting in the context of the separation/grieving process.
2 The stages include:
According to the model of the five stages of grief, or the Kübler-Ross model, those experiencing sudden grief following an abrupt realization (shock) go through five emotions: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
While there are many emotions, psychologist Paul Ekman identified seven universal emotions recognized across cultures: anger, disgust, fear, happiness, sadness, surprise, and contempt, often remembered with the mnemonic "CHAD SurFs," which are fundamental to human experience and have distinct facial expressions. Other models suggest different sets, like those focusing on basic brain circuits (rage, fear, lust, care, grief, play, seeking) or common emotional challenges (joy, anger, anxiety, contemplation, grief, fear, fright).
The death of a loved one is not the only loss that can cause grief. Almost any significant change or turning point in your life can cause a sense of loss. Positive or negative, big or small, a meaningful loss can bring on the feelings and process of grief.
Grief isn't just something we feel in our minds; it lives in our bodies too. When you go through a loss, your body holds onto that experience, sometimes in ways you may not even notice at first. Trauma can get stored deep in your muscles, in your breath, and even in the way your heart beats.
Signs and symptoms of complicated grief may include:
6 Ways to Process Grief After the Loss of a Loved One