"Another reason someone might attract someone emotionally unavailable is because they have low self-esteem. For whatever reason (body image issues, experience of being bullied, job instability, addiction, or mental health issues), they may not believe they are worthy of love and commitment," she says.
To be available is to be ready and willing to do something. If a man is emotionally available, he is literally going to be aware of his emotions and then ready and willing to express them. At the end of the day, it really is as simple as that.
The main trait that both emotionally unavailable men and women share is their fear of being controlled, especially in a relationship. For men in particular, a consuming fear is “losing” themselves in a relationship.
For some people, shutting down emotionally is a response to feeling overstimulated. It doesn't have anything to do with you or how they feel about you. If your husband or partner shuts down when you cry, for example, it may be because they don't know the best way to handle that display of emotions.
Emotionally unavailable men are seeking for perfection for one reason only: they're deeply insecure. Since they're insecure and don't want to show any sign of a vulnerable exposure, they will comfort themselves with the thought that 'no one is good enough' and they don't need to open up to anyone.
While there is no one explanation for emotional unavailability, it can be caused by a number (or combination) of factors. These include attachment styles developed in childhood, history in relationships, trauma, mental health conditions, and one's circumstances and priorities.
Instead of committing and deepening a relationship and connection with one person, emotionally unavailable people are more likely to have multiple superficial relationships and cut things off with people when they become too serious.
For example, instead of coming off as aloof, an emotionally unavailable person can be really happy and excited to see you, but they won't remember what's important to you or details about your life. In essence, they'll be thrilled to spend time with you, but they won't consider you when you're not together.
Sign #5: Emotionally Unavailable Men Love the Chase
But once you let them know they've won you over, they pull away and often disappear for a week or two. If he has a consistent pattern of disappearing, this is a serious red flag.
When you ignore a man who's emotionally unavailable, it will start bothering him to such a degree that he'll start feeling depressed and anxious. He will try to figure things out on his own and won't turn to friends or family for advice.
Friendship.
Even close friendship can be difficult because, at a certain level, friendship requires vulnerability. Emotionally unavailable people find banter, or their shared history with someone, easier to cope with so they'll often keep a friendship at a slight distance.
Common reasons why a partner withdraws include betrayal, internal personal conflicts, and the re-emergence of trauma. There are times in every relationship when one partner becomes unavailable to the other while going inward to understand.
Focus on your own feelings
Both Neblett and Gatling agree that if you address someone's emotional unavailability, express how it's affecting you and lead with "I" statements. It's also important to have clear examples of why you think they're emotionally unavailable so that they don't feel ambushed, Neblett emphasizes.
Yes, many men who appear to be emotionally unavailable might actually miss you even though they may never show it. It might not be a conscious decision. For some men, it could be an unconscious choice of avoidance in order to protect themselves from the pain of a possible loss.
You withhold personal feelings and thoughts
If you've found yourself unable or unwilling to share your feelings, you're likely emotionally unavailable. Walfish says this includes things like life goals, life regrets, wishes, hopes, and longings.
' If not managed with enough care and awareness, being with an emotionally unavailable partner can be damaging, and it leads not only to feelings of loneliness and isolation but can even erode your self-esteem. Therefore, as much as possible, we should learn how to notice when a partner is emotionally unavailable.
Men can be silent when they're angry, happy, fearful, or sad! It's confusing for everyone. Partners, mainly women, experience huge concern, confusion and anxiety when they experience the silence and withdrawal of their partner.
An emotionally unavailable person is typically not willing or able to truly commit to you and be loyal to you. This type of person will often want to keep things casual and undefined so as to not deal with any of the emotional components that go into a long-term relationship.