Trauma bonding happens when an abuser uses manipulation tactics and cycles of abuse to make the victim feel dependent on them for care and validation, causing a strong attachment or bond. This often occurs in romantic narcissistic relationships, but can also occur in families, friendships, or work relationships.
What Is Trauma Bonding? Trauma bonding occurs when a narcissist repeats a cycle of abuse with another person which fuels a need for validation and love from the person being abused.
You can break a trauma bond after a breakup by doing things such as educating yourself on the topic of trauma bonding, cutting off your abuser, engaging in new activities, making healthy relationships, and taking a break from dating.
Signs of trauma bonding
agree with the abusive person's reasons for treating them badly. try to cover for the abusive person. argue with or distance themselves from people trying to help, such as friends, family members, or neighbors.
Trauma bonding is rooted in a desperate need for the relationship to continue. In some ways, it is akin to an addiction to the relationship with the abuser. This focus can become so intense that you cannot recognize that the relationship is unhealthy despite the abuse or betrayal.
How long does it take to break the trauma bond? There is no set time for how long it takes to heal from a trauma bond, as each person is different. Some people may find that it takes months, or even years, to overcome the effects of being in a trauma bonded relationship.
It can be hard to break a trauma bond due to the intensity of the attachment, but there are multiple ways to heal and move on from a trauma-bonded relationship. Therapy can help you recover from trauma.
Trauma Bonds Create Chemical Warfare in our Brains
Reuniting and the love-bombing that follows then floods our systems with dopamine. Dopamine and oxytocin together strengthen our bond even more and ease our fear and anxiety. We feel loved. We feel safe.
Trauma bonding is a bond that develops when two people undergo intense, risky emotional experiences together. In the context of an abusive relationship, this bond is strengthened due to the heightenedintimacy and danger.
One way to determine whether you're in a healthy relationship or a trauma bond is to focus on how your relationship consistently makes you feel. A healthy relationship makes you feel supported, secure, and confident, while a trauma bond makes you feel fearful, anxious, or put down.
Trauma dumping is defined as unloading traumatic experiences on others without warning or invitation. It's often done to seek validation, attention, or sympathy. While some initial relief may come from dumping your trauma onto someone else, the habit actually does more harm than good.
Who Is Most Vulnerable to Trauma Bonding. People who have a childhood history of abuse — physical, emotional, sexual, or neglect — are most vulnerable. Growing up in a volatile, neglectful, or abusive home can make this type of behavior seem normal or feel familiar.
Much like love bombing, trauma bonds can give the resemblance of love. They're often confused for love because of the trying nature, and when you love someone, you do try. Trauma bond relationships are driven by fear, not love, which is the biggest differentiator between trauma bonds and love.
The best way to shut down a narcissist is to walk away from them. If all else fails, you can physically remove yourself from the conversation. Even if they keep talking, simply turn around and walk away. If they follow you, close the door.
The term word salad was originally used to describe disordered speech and thought processes of people who were psychotic. However, over time, this term has been used to describe speech patterns of narcissists in which they say things that are contradictory and inaccurate as a way to confuse you.
After an abusive incident, an abuser often begins the stages of trauma bonding all over again by love bombing the victim and regaining their trust. The cycle of abuse can be broken. Though it may seem impossible at times, many people go on to end abusive relationships and find safety in healthy relationships.
Travers says if you're immediately coming to their defense and justifying their actions toward you, even when they're clearly in the wrong, that's a key sign you're in a trauma bond. In a healthy relationship, you should both step up and take accountability when you can do better.
In order to heal and find trauma resolution, a person must be able and willing to see how their compulsive behavior only aids in forming trauma bonds and therefore they must break the compulsivity. Codependency on the other hand, focuses more on the addiction.