Self-soothing behaviors for toddlers are actions they use to calm themselves when overwhelmed, such as thumb-sucking, rocking, cuddling a lovey, twirling hair, rubbing body parts (ears, belly button), humming, or seeking quiet spaces, often linked to familiar comfort sensations from infancy like skin-to-skin contact or sucking. These repetitive actions help them regulate emotions, and while most are harmless (like rocking or using a comfort object), some unusual ones like head-banging or excessive hair-pulling might need redirection, though they're usually just a way to find comfort.
Some toddlers yank on or twist their hair (or their parents' hair!) as a way to soothe and calm themselves before sleep. Body rocking. Some toddlers rock their bodies back and forth (or side to side, or on their hands and knees) during the naptime or bedtime routine. Facial, body, or vocal tics.
Self-stimulation in young children is a common behavior linked to curiosity and comfort. It typically occurs during quiet times like naps or bedtime and usually decreases with age. Parents should respond calmly without punishment or shame, providing age-appropriate explanations about privacy.
Self-soothing is simply when a child regulates their emotional state by themselves rather than having these needs met by a parent or caregiver.
Common self-soothing actions are: Thumb-sucking - some tots will also suck on their clothing or objects, or bite their thumbs, clothes, or objects. Rocking - this can be a back-and-forth motion, side-to-side, and some kids rock when they're sitting while others do it when they're standing (or both)
Breathing Exercises
Simple yet effective, breathing calming strategies for kids often do the trick. Begin by having them lay flat on their back and place a stuffed animal on their belly. Tell them to think about their belly like a balloon and breathe deeply to fill it. Next, have them breathe out to deflate it.
Take a warm shower or bath - Treat yourself with soothing body wash or bubbles and a fresh, soft towel afterward. Soothing imagery - Find soothing things to look at such as a burning candle, soft lights, pictures of loved ones, favorite places, or inspirational quotes or affirmations.
The "3-3-3 Rule" for toddlers is a simple mindfulness and grounding technique to calm anxiety by engaging their senses: name 3 things they can see, identify 3 sounds they can hear, and move 3 different parts of their body (like hands, feet, head). This helps shift focus from overwhelming thoughts to the present moment, acting as a "brain reset" for emotional regulation during meltdowns or stress, making it a useful tool for building emotional intelligence and control.
By 4 to 6 months of age, however, self-soothing behaviors at sleep onset and following nighttime awakenings begin to appear in some infants and tend to increase in frequency to the first birthday (Goodlin-Jones et al., 2001).
Behavioral issues like tantrums, picky eating, sleep struggles, and difficulty sharing are common toddler behavior issues. Toddlers also reach developmental milestones at their own pace, and each child is different. If you have concerns about your child's development, it's important to talk to your pediatrician.
One common misconception is that stimming is solely associated with autism. However, stimming can occur in individuals without autism as well. It is a natural expression of self-regulation and can serve various purposes, such as managing emotions, releasing energy, or promoting concentration.
15 Core Self-Help Skills for Preschoolers
" Stimming ," also known as self-stimulating behaviors or stereotypy, are repetitive body movements or repetitive movements of objects. Many individuals on the autism spectrum engage in routine stimming .
It is important to distinguish self-soothing from stimming behaviors, as the former aims to achieve calmness. In contrast, stimming may fulfill various needs, including but not limited to self-soothing, sensory exploration, or emotional expression.
The 5-3-3 rule is a baby sleep training method for night weaning and fostering independent sleep, involving a baby sleeping 5 hours, staying awake for 3 (for a feed if needed), then sleeping another 3 hours, and continuing in 3-hour increments, teaching them to self-soothe after the initial long stretch, though it's a flexible guideline, not strict; it aims to create longer stretches for parents while meeting the baby's needs, often used around 4-6 months.
The "9-Minute Rule" for kids, or the 9-Minute Theory, suggests parents focus on three 3-minute interaction blocks daily for strong emotional connection: right after waking, right after school/daycare, and right before bed, using these transition times for mindful, distraction-free connection to build security and happiness, reducing parental guilt.
Common self-soothing behaviours found in children and adolescents
The 5-3-3 rule is a loose guideline for structuring a baby's sleep schedule: 5 hours of wake time before the first nap, 3 hours of wake time before the second nap, and 3 hours before bedtime.
Here are some ways you can help your child learn to self-soothe.
Signs your toddler isn't autistic often involve natural social engagement, flexible pretend play, strong eye contact, varied communication (gestures, words, facial expressions), interest in others' emotions, and meeting typical milestones like responding to their name and sharing. Key indicators include enjoying social interactions, showing empathy (comforting others), using toys creatively (not just repeating TV), pointing to share experiences (joint attention), and demonstrating flexible curiosity.
Our findings show that children with ADHD experience a range of sleep problems, including issues falling asleep and settling in the evening, bedtime resistance, waking up during the night, long-term difficulties, and waking up early in the morning, echoing previous findings.
Step 1: Once you close your toddler's door, if they start crying, let them cry for three minutes. Step 2: After three minutes, pop your head in just to make sure they're okay…and to let them see that you haven't deserted the planet.
Teaching how to self-soothe involves a learning curve for you as well as your baby. If your baby is extremely irritable, for example, they may be hungry (and then you need to feed them) or very tired (and then you need to try to help them sleep). If you think your baby is in pain, you need to address that.
What is the 54321 method? The 54321 (or 5-4-3-2-1) method is a grounding exercise designed to manage acute stress and reduce anxiety. It involves identifying 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste.
This self-soothing technique involves crossing one's arms over the chest and gently tapping each hand on the opposite arm. The activity mimics the motion of a butterfly's wings and is a form of bilateral stimulation [*]. Bilateral stimulation involves rhythmic movements that engage both hemispheres of the brain.