For a first kiss, it's generally best to start without tongue, focusing on soft, closed-mouth kisses and gauging your partner's comfort, then gently introducing a little tongue if they reciprocate with soft, exploratory movements, signaling they're open to French kissing, as forceful or excessive tongue on a first kiss can be overwhelming. The key is to be gentle, pay attention to cues, and let the kiss evolve naturally, rather than diving straight into intense French kissing.
But also don't be like try not to use tongue. I feel like that can be a little bit much for a first kiss. So maybe just like as you get more comfortable you can introduce tongue. If you do for some reason accidentally you know put your tongue in their mouth.
I've newly realized that people are about 50/50 when it comes to tongue involved with kissing (like 40something percent preferring no tongue if you google). Personal experience is more like 90% liking tongue. I consider good kissing to be with tongue.
Yes tongue is fine for first kiss, but keep it soft, light and slow. No need to immediately fill mouths up with tongue, make quick tongue movements or extend your tongue beyond your bottom lip (those kisses come later ha).
The 90/10 kissing rule, popularized by the movie Hitch, suggests that one person leans in 90% of the way for a kiss and pauses, allowing the other person to close the remaining 10%, which signals their consent and involvement, preventing it from feeling forced and creating anticipation. This technique gives the other person control, allowing them to either lean in for the kiss or pull away, indicating their comfort level.
Some signs you're a bad kisser: Going too fast, lacking enthusiasm, poor technique, and bad breath are common indicators. How to not be a bad kisser: Start slow, use your body to add dimension, focus on your partner's reactions, and ask for feedback to improve.
How to Kiss (Really) Well: 9 Steps
10+ Types of Kisses Guys Like
You don't need to rely on tongue to create a memorable moment. Instead, focus on the power of your lips! 💖 Consider exploring areas like the neck, ear, or chin to ignite sparks. A gentle nibble or a soft suck on your partner's bottom lip can add a delightful twist to your kiss.
Sensing the hubbub, the adrenal glands unleash adrenaline. Cue a pounding heart, heavy breathing, or sweaty palms. (If you two become a couple, kissing could eventually trigger an opposite effect—peace instead of passion.)
Don't …
Red Flags on the First Date
A good first kiss should feel pleasurable and make you feel connected to your partner. How long should a first kiss last? For as long as one of you doesn't need to breathe!
Keep your mouth soft and relaxed
Both a cranked-open jaw and a closed-mouth, hard pucker aren't the most pleasant to smooch. Keep your lips just-apart enough, allowing the kisses to be soft and deep, and keep your mouth relaxed. You want to see where the kiss takes you.
Most people can't focus on anything as close as a face at kissing distance so closing your eyes saves them from looking at a distracting blur or the strain of trying to focus. Kissing can also make us feel vulnerable or self-conscious and closing your eyes is a way of making yourself more relaxed.
But it does provide some rough guidelines as to how soon may be too soon to make long-term commitments and how long may be too long to stick with a relationship. Each of the three numbers—three, six, and nine—stands for the month that a different common stage of a relationship tends to end.
Red flags in a guy include controlling behaviors, disrespect (for you, your time, boundaries), lack of empathy or accountability, poor communication (like the silent treatment), excessive jealousy, dishonesty/manipulation (gaslighting), and any form of abuse or disrespect toward service staff, often patterns like love bombing, substance issues, or making all exes "crazy". These signs signal potential toxicity, immaturity, or a lack of respect and emotional stability, making healthy partnership difficult.
Pay attention to their body language, too. If they lean in close, wrap their arms around you, or caress you during the kiss, those are all good signs. They'll also probably want to keep the action going with more kisses, or try to hold each kiss for a long time.
Steps
French Kiss
It requires the perfect combination of tongue, saliva, and movement and is one of the steamiest types of kisses out there. Once you have your technique down, a French kiss is a great skill to have in your arsenal — and it can even burn calories depending on how intense your makeout session gets.
What does it mean when a guy moans when kissing or making out? It means the guy is enjoying himself and experiencing great pleasure. Pretty straightforward.