However, research suggests that it is not only okay to cry in front of your kids, it can actually be beneficial for their
“Children will often be confused and afraid if they see their parents really upset. Afterwards, it is important to explain to the best of your ability, given your child's age, that you had an emotional moment, but that you are OK, and that you're going to continue to be OK.”
Although getting upset in front of your brood may seem counterintuitive, letting your children see you cry every now and then isn't necessarily a bad thing. In fact, crying as a response to a sad or tragic event can give them some insight into human emotions starting at an early age.
According to Psychology Today, when we are constantly telling our children to stop crying we are suppressing their emotions and indirectly telling them that they should not feel. This can be harmful.
It's completely normal! We can't always regulate our emotions, and I'm a firm believer that crying is really helpful. We should embrace the tears when they come, not try and hide them!
In fact, research has shown that children who grow up in families where emotions are openly expressed are more likely to develop healthy emotional regulation skills and have better mental health outcomes as adults.
Keep your focus on them.
Keep the conversation about them. If they're talking about what's making them cry, let them talk and don't interrupt them. You might really want to relate to them or talk about something in your life, but resist the urge to do so unless they ask. Your role is to help and comfort them.
Dismissive parenting is a pattern of behaviors and attitudes that signals rejection, scorn, and disdain toward the child. Dismissive behavior has many manifestations. It may depend on the context, culture, and type of interaction. This behavior isn't exclusive to mothers.
It's amazing how many times we tell our kids to stop for various reasons—from comforting pain to losing our patience. Regardless of why, one thing is true: we want them to stop crying. We don't want to see them in pain or hear more crying for another hour. Maybe we've had it with their defiance and tantrums.
It is completely normal for new parents to feel overwhelmed with your new roles and responsibilities and tearful in the first few days after baby arrives (Shaw et al, 2006). Mums have another reason to cry.
Having a new baby is an exciting and joyful time, but there can be some unexpected emotion that comes along. Tears are normal for all moms. Remember to ask for help, get enough sleep and seek medical help if necessary.
Your newborn is learning about life with almost every touch, so provide lots of tender kisses and your little one will find the world a soothing place. Always respond to your newborn's cries. Babies cannot be spoiled with too much attention. Quick responses to their cries let them know that they're safe and cared for.
But did you know that they're also receiving chemical, hormonal signals through the placenta? These signals include ones connected directly to your emotional state. If you're very sad, or suffering from depression, your baby experiences those feelings as well.
You could try giving her a compliment, telling her you love her, or just telling her something nice about your day. Even though it can be really sad to see your mom cry, always remember that she loves you a ton. So your words can make her feel a lot better!
Facts about separation anxiety
Once your infant realizes you're really gone (when you are), it may leave them unsettled. Although some babies display object permanence and separation anxiety as early as 4 to 5 months of age, most develop more robust separation anxiety at around 9 months.
Tell kids it's not their fault when you cry.
They will think that they've made you sad if they see you cry — unless you explain the real cause. Proudfoot recommends statements like, “I'm crying now because I am sad that Fluffy died. But I'm going to be fine, and I'll call my friend later to talk about it.”
The Bottom Line
As long as your baby's essential needs are being met and you actively engage them in a loving way, how much or how little you hold them is entirely up to you. If you want to hold them, do. If you want to put them down, even if they cry, that's fine as well.
Others, however, argue that picking a baby up reinforces crying, and that parents should leave the child. Now researchers say they have found that leaving infants to cry has no impact on their behavioural development or their attachment to their mother, but may help them develop self-control.
If you are feeling overwhelmed as a mom, you are not alone. The “depleted mother syndrome” is a term used to describe the feeling of exhaustion and depletion that many mothers experience. It is a very real phenomenon, and it can have a significant impact on a mother's ability to function.
There are many reasons why we might feel uncomfortable when someone's crying or whining. Explore what you might feel when someone else is crying or whining. Consider if the thoughts you have about crying and whining include: They're trying to manipulate my emotions so I feel sorry for them, and that annoys me.