Use distraction, humor and hugs For some kids, a tight hug helps them calm down when they are upset. Trying to help your child move past the tantrum can teach them methods for calming themselves down in the future. The situation that caused the tantrum can be discussed later if needed.
In fact, physicians have found that when children don't receive physical contact, their physical growth and development can slow down. Soothe your child during a tantrum. Not only are hugs good for children's brain development and physical growth, but they also support emotional development.
Gentle physical contact can help a child calm down, regulate his emotions, and bring the tantrum to an end. Holding or hugging must be done calmly and with the child's cooperation. Don't try to restrain him if he squirms away.
Ignore the tantrum.
To be clear, this does not mean ignoring your child entirely: You should stay in the room and remain physically and emotionally available. You can, however, refuse to engage with the crying and screaming, and instead focus on helping your child with an unrelated need.
Shouting at a child to calm down is also likely to make things worse. Instead, try to distract your child. A different book, a change of location or making a funny face might help. If you've asked your child to do something against his or her will, follow through by offering to help.
Don't lie to the child to head off a tantrum. Don't say that the child's behavior is making you sad. Don't take the child's tantrum (or what he or she says before, during, or after) personally. Don't be sarcastic (e.g., “your life is soooo hard” or “because this is clearly the most important thing on the planet”)
“Ignoring or selective attention must be coupled with positive attention, praise, and reinforcement,” Dr. Reichert said. “If a child is tantruming and yet also trying to use their words to communicate they are upset, we can praise them for using their words and ignore everything else they are doing.
At home, that means 10-20 outbursts per month. If it happens five times a day on more than one day, that's cause for concern, too. Very long outbursts. If the tantrums usually last more than 25 minutes, that could signal an underlying issue.
Tantrums happen most frequently between ages 1 and 4, averaging up to one a day. They typically decrease when a child starts school. At this age, they're talking more, so they can express their needs verbally. Tantrums usually last between two and 15 minutes.
Studies show that between 60 and 90 percent of two-year-olds throw tantrums. The frequency peaks between 2½ and three years, when many children have them daily. By age five, most children have largely stopped, though it's normal for older children to throw the occasional doozy.
To be legally acceptable, restraint must be a fair and acceptable response to a situation. The amount and type of force used must be in line with the situation and the child or young person. Restraint must never, ever be used as a punishment.
But, if your toddler usually has tantrums that last 25 minutes or more even with you trying to intervene, there might be something else going on. He tries to hurt himself or others. Self-injury is usually a warning sign that your little one needs additional support.
It's important to remember that the key difference between the two types of outbursts is that tantrums usually have a purpose. Kids are looking for a certain response. Meltdowns are a reaction to something and are usually beyond a child's control. A child can often stop a tantrum if he gets what he wants.
Kids with ADHD can also have tantrums or meltdowns. These meltdowns can be extreme and often involve crying, yelling, and fits of anger. When a child has a meltdown, parents may feel overwhelmed and not know what to do.
Experts say 'threenagers' are more likely to give you grief with their temper tantrums. While many parents know about the terrible twos, not as many will be familiar with 'threenagers'.
Tantrums are worsened by the fact that the child may not have the vocabulary to express their feelings. Tantrums usually begin in children 12 to 18 months old. They get worse between age 2 to 3, then decrease until age 4. After age 4, they rarely occur.
Temper tantrums are severe, last long, or happen very often. Your child has a lot of trouble talking and cannot let you know what he or she needs. Temper tantrums continue or get worse after 3 to 4 years of age.
But if your child has a severe tantrum nearly every day, there might be something deeper going on. Level of aggression. A typical child may throw a toy or a pillow in frustration from time to time. But disordered children are more likely to kick, hit or bite someone, or otherwise hurt themselves, during a tantrum.
Stay close and welcome the feelings instead.
If you walk away from a melting down child, they might be able to pull it together. The threat of abandonment (literal, or love withdrawal) can be enough to stop a tantrum. But what they learned was that you are only there for them if they are feeling good.
If you can't stay calm, leave the room. Wait a minute or two, or until the crying stops, before returning. Offer a cooling down time. During a tantrum, it's helpful for parents to let children not only manage their tantrum but also know there is a safe place and safe time for them to do so.
Ignoring is usually most effective for behaviors like whining, crying when nothing is physically wrong or hurting, and tantrums. These misbehaviors are often done for attention.
Rumblings might start with a verbal plea to "go now" or visually obvious signs of distress such as hands over the ears. Meltdowns may involve intense stimming: Rumblings may include or progress to "stims" (self-stimulatory behaviors such as rocking, pacing, or finger flicking) or other signs of anxiety.
Here's the reality: every child will throw a tantrum at some point, whether they have an autism diagnosis or not. But for children with autism, tantrums can be more frequent, distressing, and difficult to quell. However, it is in no way impossible; you'll just need to be a little more patient.
What's a normal tantrum? A study from the Washington University School of Medicine analyzed parent reports of tantrums in 279 mostly preschool children. The researchers identified characteristics of “normal” tantrum behavior: Kids generally had less than one tantrum per day, on average.