Your friend might be a narcissist if their self-focus involves a pervasive sense of entitlement, lack of empathy, manipulation, and an extreme need for admiration, viewing others as extensions or tools; whereas, a merely selfish friend prioritizes their needs but might show occasional empathy and doesn't necessarily operate from a core belief of inherent superiority, often just being thoughtless or unaware rather than intentionally malicious. The key is the consistency, depth, and motivation: narcissism is a pattern of exploiting others for self-gain, while selfishness can be situational and less damaging.
A narcissistic friend's constant need for validation can leave others feeling emotionally exhausted, as though they are on call to provide reassurance, admiration, or attention.
Selfish person: prioritizes their own needs or comfort, often for pragmatic reasons (convenience, limited resources, short-term gain). Narcissist: driven by a need for admiration, superiority, entitlement, and validation; actions serve an internalized self-image rather than only short-term convenience.
A friend with narcissistic traits or NPD may become overly competitive, belittle you, or downplay your achievements to feel better about themselves. Narcissists also tend to believe they deserve special treatment. This may include expecting others to cater to their needs without reciprocating.
Narcissists may appear to have many friends, but these relationships often lack the emotional depth and mutual care that define genuine friendships. Their connections are frequently superficial, one-sided, or transactional, leaving those around them feeling unfulfilled or used.
These six common symptoms of narcissism can help you identify a narcissist:
Five core traits of a narcissist include a grandiose sense of self-importance, an excessive need for admiration, a strong sense of entitlement, lack of empathy, and a tendency for interpersonally exploitative behavior, meaning they use others for personal gain. These traits often manifest as arrogance, fantasies of unlimited success, and envy, making relationships challenging.
The number one trait of a narcissist is often considered a grandiose sense of self-importance (grandiosity) combined with a profound lack of empathy, where they see others as tools for their own gain and have an inflated, often unrealistic, view of their own superiority, needing constant admiration without acknowledging others' feelings or needs, as highlighted by HelpGuide.org and The Hart Centre. This core creates other behaviors like entitlement, manipulation, and arrogance, making them believe they deserve special treatment.
As a Harvard-trained psychologist, I've found that there are seven phrases you'll hear from highly narcissistic people:
Narcissistic traits often peak in late adolescence and early adulthood (around ages 14-23), particularly with grandiosity and entitlement, as individuals seek identity and status, but then tend to decline as people mature and face life's realities, though some individuals with NPD may see intensification in these years before a potential mellowing in middle age.
Based on some overlapping symptoms, borderline personality disorder (BPD) and narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) are two mental health disorders that are often mistaken for one another.
A narcissist's apology is usually fake, manipulative, and lacks genuine remorse, focusing on shifting blame, avoiding responsibility, and regaining control rather than acknowledging wrongdoing, often using phrases like "I'm sorry if you were offended" or "I'm sorry but you started it," leaving the recipient feeling worse and unheard. They lack empathy and accountability, using these "fauxpologies" to disarm criticism, preserve their ego, and quickly move past conflict to get what they want.
These are some strategies that can help you respond to a narcissist.
The 5 main habits of a narcissist center on an inflated self-image, need for adoration, lack of empathy, sense of entitlement, and manipulative behavior, often seen as grandiosity, constant need for admiration, inability to understand others' feelings, expecting special treatment, and exploiting people for personal gain. These traits, rooted in Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), create a cycle of seeking validation, demeaning others, and using manipulation for control.
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During an argument, they can be very aggressive. They might shout, insult, or use threatening language. They might distort the truth, dismissing everything you say and twisting things to suit their point of view. Other times, they might avoid talking entirely, giving you the cold shoulder and walking away mid-argument.
The "3 E's of Narcissism" refer to three core traits often seen in individuals with narcissistic tendencies: Empathy impairment, a profound lack of understanding or sharing of others' feelings; Entitlement, a belief they deserve special treatment and admiration; and Exploitation, using others for personal gain without guilt. These characteristics highlight how narcissists often struggle to connect emotionally, feel superior, and manipulate people to meet their own needs.
An overt, grandiose narcissist speaks quickly and constantly. Having been softened by the narcissist's bright energy and intense focus on you, you feel obliged to listen. Before you know it, you find yourself dragged along on a meandering conversation, unsure exactly how you ended up on this endless river of words.
Malignant narcissism is considered by many to be the most severe type. 2 That's why it helps to recognize when you have someone with this condition in your life and what to expect from interactions with them. This knowledge can also provide insight into how to deal with them in the healthiest way possible.
I often say there are sort of four pillars to narcissism. Lack of empathy, grandiosity, a chronic sense of entitlement and a chronic need to seek out admiration from other people and validation from other people. Those really create the core of that disorder.
Other times, however, there may be a deeper issue at the heart of someone's seemingly narcissistic traits. Substance use disorders, trauma responses, and low self-worth may, at times, also mimic trait narcissism or even NPD.
This is perhaps the most damaging thing a narcissist will do when you start standing up for yourself – they'll make you question your own sanity. They'll imply, or even outright state, that you're overreacting, being irrational, or even losing your mind. This is a form of gaslighting and it's incredibly harmful.
14 Signs of a Narcissist