Is it OK to ask how someone is doing after a death?
Many bereaved people say it helps to be able to speak freely about how they're feeling. Saying "How are you doing?" gives them a chance to talk about it if they want to. If you know the person quite well, you could ask them directly, "Would you like to talk about it?".
While there is not a how-to handbook on grief (though wouldn't that be useful!), and it's tough to always know the perfect thing to say to support a friend or family member who is grieving, sending a text message may seem like a small gesture, but it goes a long way in letting someone know that they are in your ...
If you are a close friend or relative: Call or text immediately, find a time to visit the bereaved at home, and continue to stay in touch on a daily basis. If you are a casual friend or extended friend: Send an email or text immediately and follow up after the funeral.
Check in every now and then just to say hello (you may find it helpful to put reminders on your calendar). Most bereaved people find it difficult to reach out and need others to take the initiative.
What is a typical response for friends when dealing with a grieving person?
Support a bereaved friend by actively listening to them or sitting with them if they don't want to talk. Be present and hold nonjudgmental space for them to feel their feelings. Avoid comparing their loss to your own experiences, saying platitudes or trying to get them to “snap out of it.”
Try to respect what the bereaved person is choosing to share with you and focus on listening rather than finding out more. Give the bereaved person space to open up if they want to, while also being sensitive if they would rather not take it further.
There is no set length or duration for grief, and it may come and go in waves. However, according to 2020 research , people who experience common grief may experience improvements in symptoms after about 6 months, but the symptoms largely resolve in about 1 to 2 years.
Although you might not feel like texting is the best way to reach out to comfort someone who's grieving, sometimes it's the most appropriate way to offer your condolences. The grieving process is all-encompassing and will zap even the strongest person of their emotional and physical energy.
Checking up is about you and your feelings and needs. Checking in is showing care for the other person and being genuinely curious about their feelings and needs. How do you feel when someone checks up on you?
Wait at least one day if you still want to double text.
This gives the person you texted time to respond on their own. If you still haven't heard from them and want to follow up, text them something lighthearted.
