The Reason You Do It In short, the desire to check up on your ex is absolutely normal. “Long before the existence of social media, people stalked their exes,” explains Toni Coleman, LCSW, who's a relationship coach and divorce mediator.
Looking your ex up on social media is not something that will help you heal. It could potentially contribute to poor mental health. With so many reasons not to do it, it may be time to say goodbye to your ex once and for all.
1. It's natural to want to see what an ex is up to... In other words, you are not a crazy stalker. "From an evolutionary perspective, it is honestly pretty normal behavior to cyber-stalk an ex, especially if you are looking for information about his or her new potential partner," says Somich.
However, it can be detrimental, while you're grieving, to check up on your ex because it can bring back all the negative emotions tied to the relationship and why it ended in the first place. The temptation to check up on your ex is strong, especially when you want them back.
Whether it's due to seeking distraction or closure, or just not feeling ready to let go of an ex, many people have found themselves continuously engaging in this behavior. When you're struggling to move on and a breakup feels fresh, it's human nature to feel tempted to check what your ex is up to.
Yep. They sure do! Sometimes after the time alone the dumper starts to miss said ex. Sure maybe at the time when you two had broken up, the dumper initially feels relieved and care free, but over time the dumper starts realizing what they no longer have and that nobody can replace it.
Not everyone will be negatively impacted by holding on to photos of past partners. For some people, keeping pictures of an ex can actually give them a positive boost and bring back fond memories. If you aren't particularly bothered by seeing your ex's face, Winter says it's totally OK to embrace that.
Old photos bring back memories of the past and are reminders of some great times. According to Friends Reunited, the top reasons people hang on to photos of their exes are: They remind you of a special event. They bring back good memories.
Whether you were dumped or did the dumping, it's not uncommon for exes to lurk on your social media and watch your posts. If you suspect your ex is stalking your profiles, they may be trying to grab your attention to get you back.
While it's a bit dated (the study was done in 2012) I have found it to be incredibly relevant today. Essentially it argues that close to 90% of exes will “facebook creep” you after a breakup. So, statistically speaking there is a high likelihood your ex is going to be stalking you on social media.
According to the study, which examined the characteristics of people in 1,000 past and present heterosexual relationships, most people's exes share similar physical characteristics. This is because you attract people who are at a similar level of attractiveness to you.
“A respectful hi and a smile can go a long way when you encounter an ex,” says Catchings of day-to-day encounters. “If you want to be kind and make it easier on your ex, observe your ex's body language. Let it tell you how he/she/they feel.
Research has demonstrated that keeping tabs on an ex-partner's social media activity can increase distress related to the breakup and potentially prolong your difficulty moving on.
While some people may avoid eye contact due to shyness, if this is an ex that you've been dating, or been with for a long time, shyness may be less of a factor, than disinterest. Avoiding eye contact may indicate lack of interest, avoidance, denial, or awkwardness.
Casually reminiscing about a past relationship or previous boo is a healthy and normal experience, and it's important to not judge yourself for having these thoughts, says Tanner.
“Whether or not you remove or archive photos has a lot to do with the reasons for the breakup, whether or not it was mutual, and the nature of your photos,” says breakup coach and dating strategist Natalia Juarez. Before you go on a deleting rampage, she suggests pumping the brakes and taking a step back.
Sometimes people keep old photos or maintain contact with their ex because they are unhappy with their present lover. It's usually the most recent ex that attracts their attention. There is an old saying that you should never get involved with someone who is rebounding from a failed relationship.
Generally speaking, some dumpers regret their decision to break up only weeks after the incident. Other dumpers need years to feel that way. And some never even arrive at the final stage of dumpers remorse. Instead, they move on to someone else — be it a rebound or not.
Since couples break up for various reasons, the circumstances of a breakup may impact the potential for reconnection. A recent study showed that 44% of Americans have gotten back together with one of their exes after breaking up with them.
Obsessively passionate individuals, as opposed to those with harmonious passions, are more likely to stalk their former romantic partners. New research suggests that one reason obsessively passionate partners stalk their ex is their intense fear of abandonment.
Stalking is often underpinned by a mix of righteousness and entitlement when someone believes that their standards of right and wrong are indisputable, and thus feel unable to respect someone's desire for no contact.
So again, if you do genuinely want to move on, he will miss you if you block him, he will most likely try to reach out and will try to get you back. But, if you're only doing it in order to get him to care and get back together with you, it will probably backfire.