One of the most common signs that someone is emotionally unavailable is that they don't reveal or show their actual feelings around you. And while you may encourage them to open up and be able to express their emotions, they never let their guard down around you to say what's really on their mind.
An emotionally unavailable man has a difficult time knowing how to engage in the real-stuff conversations. In some instances, he may have some capacity to listen, but is emotionally shutting that part of himself down so that you don't get too close. If that's the case, you will likely feel shut down and alone.
Being emotionally unavailable does not make you a bad person or someone incapable of love. It may mean you're just not looking for a serious relationship at this time and need to be clearer about that with the people you're interacting with.
"Another reason someone might attract someone emotionally unavailable is because they have low self-esteem. For whatever reason (body image issues, experience of being bullied, job instability, addiction, or mental health issues), they may not believe they are worthy of love and commitment," she says.
Many emotionally unavailable individuals struggle with issues of insecurity and low self-esteem. As a result, they often cannot sustain the deep emotional bonds that a healthy relationship requires. This emotional unavailability can manifest in a variety of characteristics and signs.
A need to chase after people who can't actually love tends to stem from unresolved childhood issues, or even trauma. Self-help is a good start, and there are wonderful books out there to help with things like codependency and attachment issues.
Research has demonstrated that we are often attracted to partners who seem familiar to us and have similar qualities to our parents. One of the reasons people are drawn to emotionally unavailable partners is due to the role models they had for romantic relationships in childhood.
Look out for body language cues that signal that he is uncomfortable or disinterested in your interactions. He may try to move away from you, cross his arms in front of him, or turn away from you while you are talking. He may also try to avoid physical contact, like a hug or you touching his arm, he is not interested.
Friendship.
Even close friendship can be difficult because, at a certain level, friendship requires vulnerability. Emotionally unavailable people find banter, or their shared history with someone, easier to cope with so they'll often keep a friendship at a slight distance.
When you ignore a man who's emotionally unavailable, it will start bothering him to such a degree that he'll start feeling depressed and anxious. He will try to figure things out on his own and won't turn to friends or family for advice.
An emotionally unavailable person is typically not willing or able to truly commit to you and be loyal to you. This type of person will often want to keep things casual and undefined so as to not deal with any of the emotional components that go into a long-term relationship.
#9 He Gets Jealous
Jealousy is about a lot of things, including insecurity, immaturity, and fear. What is this? Emotionally unavailable men may experience jealousy more intensely because they bottle up their feelings.
The person who's just a little more guarded (as opposed to emotionally unavailable) will be "considerate of the fact that their behavior might make someone else feel anxious," Cohen says. This person will talk to you about it, whereas the emotionally unavailable person won't.
He doesn't make you a priority.
Notice if he often cancels plans with you, demotes you in favor of other friends and projects, or never seems to have time for you. Or perhaps he's always too busy to do things you want to do, but you see him spending time with his people regularly.
He never plans ahead.
The non-committal man is last-minute about everything, so don't mistake this red flag for spontaneity. "He has a tough time committing to any plan that's even a few days or a week out," says House. "He doesn't want to feel boxed in by anything" in case something better comes along.
“A man will commit when he feels a deep connection with a woman that he doesn't feel with anyone else; when he finds a lover who is also his best friend that makes him feel special and unique,” Tripp says.
Men looking for a fling will not invest their time in you. If a man wants a relationship, he will make plans to meet you and will not ghost you or leave you without any response. If he is interested, you will not have to seek his attention continuously. If you are doing so, it means he is not into you.
Even if you have love, even if you're compatible, if they don't want to commit and that's something you need, then that's it. It's done.” Of course, it's never that easy to let go of something that feels really good, even if it may hurt you in the long-run. And that's OK.