Gaslighting is bad for your mental health. It can make you doubt your sanity and make it difficult to tell truth from lies. It creates unhealthy, codependent relationships, and it may feel impossible to leave. Losing trust.
Gaslighting is the use of a patterned, repetitive set of manipulation tactics that makes someone question reality. It's often used by people with narcissistic personality disorder, abusive individuals, cult leaders, criminals, and dictators. It's important to point out that gaslighting is a “patterned” behavior.
This type of emotional abuse is designed to make the victim doubt themselves and their own experiences. Gaslighting is a psychological manipulation that causes people to lose their sense of identity, perception, and worth. Gaslighting aims to make the victim question their reality and feel like they are going crazy.
It is an extremely effective form of emotional abuse that causes a victim to question their own feelings, instincts, and sanity, which gives the abusive partner a lot of power (and we know that abuse is about power and control).
There are four primary types of gaslighting behaviors: the straight-up lie, reality manipulation, scapegoating and coercion.
People with personality disorders, such as narcissistic personality disorder or antisocial personality disorder, may use gaslighting as a way to control spouses, children, co-workers, or any other relationship where the person with a character disorder feels vulnerable.
Do gaslighters know they're gaslighting? Gaslighting lies on a spectrum. Some gaslighters don't know they're gaslighting and are largely unaware of how their behavior is affecting the other person. But some gaslighters are very well aware of what they are doing, and it is done with intention and without remorse.
When you are being gaslit, it diminishes your self-confidence. It keeps you questioning reality, the truth, and yourself. You are unable to trust your own intuition and are vulnerable to the person who is gaslighting you. Gaslighting isn't accidental or a result of poor communication.
Shifting blame is a common gaslighting tactic. Accusing the victim of being the gaslighter causes confusion, makes them question the situation, and draws attention away from the true gaslighter's harmful behavior, Sarkis says.
Gaslighting could be an ingrained coping mechanism that someone has used as a survival strategy their whole life, or it might be situational. This “survival strategy” or coping mechanism can originate in childhood as a way to cope with trauma.
Gaslighters love to wield your love and affection for them as a weapon against you and will use this phrase to excuse a wide variety of bad behaviors, Stern says. But the bottom line is that you can love someone and be upset about something they did at the same time.
Some of the most common reasons people gaslight are:
They use gaslighting to stop conflict. They use it to deflect their personal responsibility. They want to keep a people pleaser partner trying to please. They use it to gain power and control.
Gaslighters engage in the manipulation technique of distorting known facts, memories, events and evidence to invalidate a person's experience. The idea is to make those who disagree with the gaslighter question their ability, memory or sanity.
Common phrases gaslighters may use:
"I did that because I love you." "I don't know why you're making such a huge deal of this." "You're being overly sensitive." "You are being dramatic."
The term "gaslighting" derives from the title of the 1944 American film Gaslight, in which a husband uses trickery to convince his wife that she is mentally unwell so he can steal from her.
“Yes, and” fosters psychological safety.
As opposed to gaslighting, which tries to make you think you've made a mistake even when you haven't, psychological safety encourages a culture of trying new things, speaking openly, and creativity, among other benefits.
If you feel like you are walking on eggshells around your partner, fearful that you will 'overreact' to something and set them off, or fearful that you will get into a fight and they will project on to you, then this is a sign that you are being gaslighted.
Gaslighting is a form of abuse that involves a person deliberately causing someone to doubt their sanity. This may cause feelings of confusion or powerlessness. The long-term effects of gaslighting include trauma, anxiety, and depression.
Essentially, gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse and psychological manipulation that makes the victim question their own memory, perception, and sanity. With knowledge, insights and support, fortunately, gaslighting recovery is possible.
First, gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse, and abuse should never be tolerated in a relationship. However, life is not as simple as that: Gaslighters erode people's self-esteem and their ability to make decisions. This can mean that making the decision to leave seems almost impossible.
As stated before, narcissists and gaslighters are ultimately insecure and thin-skinned. To counteract this lack of confidence, they will project false and exaggerated images of themselves. In the case of persons with vulnerable narcissism, they will try to convince others of their importance as their coping mechanism.
Things to say when you're being gaslighted:
“Name-calling is hurtful to me, I'm finding it hard to hear you when you talk like that” “I hear that your intention was to make a joke, and the impact was hurtful” “My feelings are my feelings; this is how I feel” “This is my experience and these are my emotions”