If you are divorcing a narcissist, it is important that you have a strong support team for the sake of your mental health. Divorcing a narcissist can be challenging because they are arrogant, egotistical and lack empathy. They will not consider your feelings.
A narcissist will expect to get special treatment and to be able to control everything in the divorce, even the judge. They also don't like to lose, so they will file motions and fight hard to win, even over trivial matters that aren't worth the attorney fees.
Divorce is never easy, but personality disorders can add extra layers of complexity to this process. Someone with NPD is generally competitive and hates to lose. Many times, they will do whatever it takes to “win” a divorce, whether that means getting as much money as possible or seeking full custody over children.
Because narcissists are unable to take responsibility for their own actions, they will blame you for the current state of the relationship and the divorce. In fact, their immediate reaction to the divorce may be to blame you and/or the children for their perceived shortcomings.
But what many people don't realize is that these relationships are also some of the most likely to end in divorce. In fact, research has shown that nearly 60% of all marriages to narcissists – male or female – end in divorce. So, what's the reason for this high rate of divorce involving this one personality type?
Divorcing a narcissist is a long and arduous process, drought with pain and obstacles. They are calculating, and will go to extreme lengths to punish their spouses for leaving them while simultaneously playing the victim to everyone else. They care very much about how they appear to others.
At the end of a relationship, a narcissist will often spiral down a long-winded gauntlet of manipulation tactics. They may blame you for causing the relationship to fail, work hard to keep you to stay with them, make lofty promises to change their behavior, or badmouth you to everyone around them.
Narcissistic relationships can last anywhere from a few days or weeks to many years. There are anecdotal observations suggesting that the average length of a narcissistic relationship is around six months, but no empirical evidence supports this claim.
It's important to avoid playing head games when divorcing a narcissist. But sometimes this is necessary—so try to maintain your cool, while actively taking steps to separate yourself from them in every way possible. One way to outsmart a narcissist in a divorce is to try to anticipate their next move.
In some cases, the effort is too much for the spouses weakened state and so they remain married. Until the spouse of the narcissist finds the strength to walk away, the narcissist remains married (for how long, depends on the will of his or her victim).
Fear of being alone – Narcissists are skilled at destroying their partner's social circles and relationships with family members. The prospect of leaving may equate to a feeling of being truly alone; Fear of reprisals – The narcissist may have created a culture of fear and anxiety in their partner's life.
You can trigger narcissistic rage by putting the narcissist in a position of looking bad. Narcissists do not take criticism well. Gather witnesses who have seen your narcissistic ex behaving badly. This could include family, friends, co-works, teachers.
Narcissists are notoriously difficult to divorce. They often use their partner's emotional needs against them, dragging out the process for as long as possible. This is because they are dependent on the “narcissistic supply” to feel good about themselves.
Narcissists are notorious for having extreme reactions, and the way they respond to divorce can be apocalyptic. Even if the narcissist wanted the divorce, the fact that the marriage ended tarnishes their image and makes them feel shame.
By remaining friends with their exes, narcissists get to keep all of their former partners on a carousel of convenience: they can create a harem of people to use for sex, money, praise, attention or whatever else they desire, at any time.
A monumental weakness in the narcissist is the failure to look internally and flesh out what needs to be worked on. Then, of course, the next step is to spend time improving. The narcissist sabotages any possibility of looking deep within.
In fact, narcissists are often attracted to strong, confident, and self-assured women. While this may seem counterintuitive, it is important to realize that the narcissistic traits of grandiosity and confidence are really a mask for deep insecurity.
Studies show that narcissists are more likely to get divorced than people who do not have a narcissistic personality disorder. However, if you can handle the challenges of being married to a narcissist and can find ways to make your relationship work, you may have a very happy marriage.
Effects of Being Married to a Narcissist
Being married to a narcissist can affect your life in a variety of ways. It can impact your relationships, self-esteem, finances, and ability to be independent. Moreover, it can lead to negative effects on your mental and physical health.
Here's when to break up with a narcissist: You're being physically abused. You're being sexual abused or coerced. Your partner is constantly monitoring you.
Individuals in emotionally abusive relationships experience a dizzying whirlwind that includes three stages: idealization, devaluing, and discarding.
When you explain why you want a divorce, keep it general, and about your dynamic (poor communication, different values, etc.), rather than identifying your spouse as the problem. Stick to your guns. Once you announce your decision, don't waffle. Ambivalence will confuse and aggravate the narcissist.
The most effective weapon to fend off narcissists is self-love. When you love yourself, it is more difficult for the narcissist to manipulate you and get under your skin. It will hurt them to know that you do not need them, that you are better off without them, and that you love yourself exactly as you are.