Signs and Behaviours a Covert Narcissist is in the devalue and discard phase: Blame Shifting – they blame you for their mistakes and problems. Withholding sex as punishment. Constantly undermining your decisions to make you doubt yourself.
They are deeply insecure people and here they will be projecting the devaluation of and feelings about themselves onto you. They will find your areas of vulnerability and will use those against you so that you feel just as bad about yourself as they do.
Devaluation Phase
Some of these behaviors include gaslighting, warm-cold behavior, and withholding love and affection. The victim tries to please the narcissist as a way to get back to how things were before, unaware that it was a façade.
“ revealed that this phase can last anywhere between three-and-a-half months to five-and-a-half months. Narcissists begin devaluing you when you become attached to them. Depending on the nature of the relationship (i.e. a family member, friend, colleague, or romantic partner) this can happen at different times.
If you are in the devaluation stage with them, start reacting calmly or walking away to what they do. If you are in the discard phase, stop trying to contact them. Ponder why they discarded you and take note of how they trap you in this pattern.
Signs and Behaviours a Covert Narcissist is in the devalue and discard phase: Blame Shifting – they blame you for their mistakes and problems. Withholding sex as punishment. Constantly undermining your decisions to make you doubt yourself.
A narcissist, though, only wants relationships to fuel their ego and sense of importance. So, they will reject and discard whoever doesn't fill that need in favor of another person. With that, the narcissistic abuse cycle is complete, and another cycle begins.
There are anecdotal observations suggesting that the average length of a narcissistic relationship is around six months, but no empirical evidence supports this claim. Some people get married to narcissists and stay with them for years, while others leave or are left after a few weeks or months.
The four stages of the narcissistic abuse cycle are: Idealization, Devaluation, Repetition, and Discard. In this cycle, a narcissistic partner may love-bomb you, devalue your sense of self over time, repeat the pattern, and eventually, discard you and/or the relationship.
A person experiencing a narcissistic collapse may engage in impulsive, risky behaviors such as excessive drinking or substance abuse, unprotected sex, rage outbursts, or self-harm.
A narcissist will commonly try to incite guilt and shame. They may spin the narrative to blame their partner for why the relationship failed. This maintains their grandiose perception of themselves and gives them the leverage to try and convince others to empathize with them.
A narcissist will devalue the existence of others to support and maintain their falsified identity. Devaluing others reassures themselves of their importance, specialness, uniqueness, and greatness and it is one of their favorite techniques to use to help suppress their negative emotions.
Narcissistic collapse occurs when a narcissist's ability to uphold their grandiose, confident image is threatened. As a result, they often become enraged, resulting in impulsivity, intense lashing out, or harm to others.
It is common for people with a narcissistic personality disorder to regret discarding or losing someone, but it does not mean what you might think. If they feel regret, it is not because they hurt you. It is for losing something that they value. You are a possession, not a real person.
They tend to only see the partner in terms of how they fill their needs (or fail to fill their needs). Their mates and children are only valued in terms of their ability to meet these needs. Narcissistic partners often lack the ability to have empathy with their partners' feelings.
It is never a good feeling when a narcissist walks out of a relationship. They can break up so abruptly that you may be left behind wondering why things had moved to the point of no return. Rather than drowning yourself in self-pity, you need to take proper action.
Therefore the narcissist seems to move on so fast because their emotions are not as deep as ours but also, they don't form memories in the same way the rest of us do. For most of us it's the memories which keep us attached to someone and unable to move on.
They like people who are strong
"Narcissists are drawn to those who can boost their own self-esteem and validate their sense of importance," Wasser told Insider. "Being associated with someone who is successful or admired can make the narcissist feel more important by proxy."
The devaluation kicks in when you express an opinion that they might perceive as a compromise of their reputation, or you call them out over the way they behaved, normally because unless they are known as perfect, this shatters their control. Appearances are very important to narcissistic people.
They want to see how much they can destroy you
Narcissists thrive on chaos, so they do not act out of jealousy, as that would imply they want your relationships, career, wealth, or health for themselves. Rather, they just don't want to see other people happy.
The narcissist's final discard is hurtful and often downright brutal. This person will leave you possibly at the worst moment possible, and, typically, they'll blame it all on you.
The Narcissist discard phase is often the final phase in the relationship. Relationships with narcissists follow a familiar pattern that begins the moment you meet them. Most often they will attempt to charm you and shower you with flattery.
They will then move onto someone else who can serve their needs. However, the narcissist will hoover and try to pull you back in after the discard if they feel like they can control and manipulate you in the future to boost their ego.