Showering with dysphoria involves coping strategies like using distractions (music, podcasts), minimizing mirrors (dim lights, fog them up), creating barriers (loofah, washcloth, swimwear), using preferred products (gendered or gender-neutral), and taking it slow with baby steps or body wipes for partial cleansing. Focus on sensory comfort, having clothes ready to quickly get dressed, and reducing time spent naked to make the experience more manageable, recognizing that any progress is a success.
To help individuals with sensory issues, try these strategies:
Some that have worked well are: Dimming the lights - we got a lamp for the bathroom with a low light bulb so it's not pitch black but very low. Wearing a bathing suit that's a couple sizes too big so you can still get in there with soap and still rinse well. Hospital grade body wipes and shampoo caps.
You can do sponge bathes with your sink. Fill it up with warm soapy water. Put some extra towels on the floor and use a wash cloth to soap your body up. Then empty the sink and fill with clean warm water and use that wash cloth to rinse yourself. Then dry.
Showers can involve a lot of sensory input that may be unpleasant. The water spraying on one's body, the smell of any soaps, shampoo potentially getting in the eyes... I personally struggle with standing in the shower on my bad days.
The ADHD "2-Minute Rule" suggests doing any task taking under two minutes immediately to build momentum, but it often backfires by derailing focus due to weak working memory, time blindness, and transition difficulties in people with ADHD. A better approach is to write down these quick tasks on a separate "catch-all" list instead of interrupting your main work, then schedule specific times to review and tackle them, or use a slightly longer timeframe like a 5-minute rule to prevent getting lost down "rabbit holes".
Tips for Making Showering More Manageable
Use visual supports: Visual supports such as picture schedules or social stories can help to provide a clear understanding of the showering process. Adjust the water temperature: The temperature of the water can be a sensory trigger for individuals with autism.
“Some adults who go longer than 3-4 days between showers run the risk of accumulating patches of dark, scaly skin, especially in oily areas, and an accumulation of 'bad' bacteria which can lead to fungal or bacterial infections,” adds Dr. Young.
Also known as a military shower, this technique was developed to help reduce consumption of water which was very limited on navy ships. To try it out, shower for 30 seconds or so, then turn off the water while you lather up or apply shampoo. Turn the water back on when you're ready to wash the soap off.
Poor body image or negative self-perception can contribute to avoidance of showering, especially if individuals feel uncomfortable or ashamed of their appearance. Fear of judgment or scrutiny from others can further exacerbate these feelings.
Coping and support
Gender dysphoria often can be eased by being in a supportive environment. Social support from family, friends and other loved ones may help prevent depression, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempts, anxiety or high-risk behaviors. Talking to other transgender or gender-diverse people also may help.
Anxiety disorders, including specific phobias related to bathing or personal care, can also play a role. For those struggling with social anxiety, the fear of being judged can lead to avoidance behaviors. The idea of showering—often associated with vulnerability and exposure—can become overwhelming.
Most people will experience some form of discomfort with their body throughout their lives. Gender dysphoria can be an all-consuming discomfort and frustration for some people. It can feel like being a prisoner in your own body because you don't look like how you feel. Or like you're living a life that you don't want.
Hygiene is often difficult for individuals who have ADHD due to their brain and body differences. Tasks like showering and brushing teeth are low-reward activities that involve sensory input that doesn't always feel good.
The "6-second rule" for autism is a communication strategy where a speaker pauses for about six seconds after asking a question or giving information, giving the autistic person extra time to process it without feeling rushed, which helps reduce anxiety and allows for a more thoughtful response, reducing frustration for both parties. Instead of repeating or rephrasing, which can be confusing, you wait, and if needed, repeat the exact same words after the pause.
Chinning is a form of repetitive self-stimulatory behavior (stimming) that you may notice in children or adults with autism. It involves pressing, rubbing, or holding the chin against objects, surfaces, or even hands to gain sensory input or comfort.
Quick Shower, Less Power, Less Water
Meanwhile, a long, luxurious shower, colloquially known as a 'Hollywood shower,' uses a massive amount of water and energy.
WW2 soldiers carried condoms primarily for disease prevention (STDs like syphilis and gonorrhea) and for practical combat uses, such as keeping sand and mud out of their rifle barrels, protecting small items, or even as makeshift waterproof bags, although the weapon-protection use is sometimes exaggerated in popular culture. The military distributed them widely (often in "prophylactic kits") to maintain troop strength, recognizing the significant manpower lost to venereal diseases in past conflicts.
Helping with the shower
You can wash areas that they can't reach, such as the back. Gently remind the person you're caring for that it's best to start with the cleanest areas and finish with those that are less clean. They can start with their face, then wash their arms, torso, back, and then the legs and feet.
You'll smell bad
This is certainly a key point for anyone with friends: if you stop washing, it's pretty likely that you'll start to smell bad. Even if you don't sweat excessively, strong body odor will doubtlessly develop and your refusal to shower will prevent you from eliminating it.
Amou Haji was the name given to an Iranian man who became famous for being the "world's dirtiest man", having not bathed for approximately 60 years.
Going long periods without showering can cause sweat, oil, dirt, and dead skin to build up on your body. This can potentially lead to: Body odor.
Sensory processing differences
This can mean that they struggle to tolerate some sensations – and may not recognise or be aware of other sensations. For example, they may find the smell of certain soaps or deodorants unbearable – and might be oblivious to having body odour that others find unpleasant.
No-rinse & sponges
For quick clean-ups, consider a shampoo or body wash that doesn't need to be washed off. One option is the shampoo cap, which fits on your head and contains a no-rinse shampoo that is massaged into your hair. You also can try disposable rinse-free body wipes or washcloths.
Common Obsessions in Autism