Reasons you live in the past may include traumatic experiences, fear that it will happen again, or shame that it ever did. You may also wish to change an outcome, hang on to the fear of the present or future, or worry that you will never experience a deep emotion, like love, again.
What is rumination? Rumination is when you're stuck in a loop of repeated negative thoughts about the past, and you can't seem to stop even if you want to.
In order to stop living in the past, you need to acknowledge and own these emotions. You may be used to ignoring or denying them, and while this may stuff the negative feelings down temporarily, you are only hurting yourself in the long run. Acknowledge your emotions and validate yourself for feeling them.
'The process of dwelling on past events that can't be changed is called rumination,' says Eék. 'Some people are more likely to experience this than others, especially if they have an anxiety-prone personality. '
For those who struggle with letting go of past pain or regret, they can feel trapped by their situation and unable to move forward in their lives. Feeling unable to let go of the past can lead to clinical depression, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), or even suicide.
Rumination is one of the co-occurring symptoms found both in anxiety disorders and depression. It is often a primary symptom in Obsessive-compulsive Disorder (OCD) and Generalized Anxiety Disorder.
So why does this happen in the first place? Lack of self-love, low self-worth, unawareness, and fear are at the core are all reasons that can explain why people get stuck in the past, says life coach and breathwork teacher Gwen Dittmar.
When we are not living in the moment, we are reliving the past—or fearful of what might happen in the future. Our experiences also shape our beliefs about ourselves. We like to feel like we're in control… So when something happens that's outside of our control, it's often easier to blame ourselves.
People with depression, for instance, tend to remember more negative personal memories and fewer positive personal memories than those without depression. For example, someone with depression may remember failing an exam rather than remembering their academic successes.
A difficulty with letting go of the past will likely be related to one or more of the following key emotions: guilt, regret or sadness/anger. Guilt is an emotion that tells us we have violated some rule or norm. For example, “I should have done this” or “Why did I do that”.
The best way to let go of past regrets and future worries is to live in the present moment. Focus on what you are doing right now and let go of everything else. Enjoy the moments as they unfold and don't worry about what has already happened or what may happen in the future.
The fear of not knowing who we'll become or how we'll feel can be intimidating. Consequently, we might find ourselves stuck, clinging to both positive and negative aspects of our lives, apprehensive about letting go.
Preserving precious memories, anxiety around possibly needing something again down the line, and finding the time to process everything are all valid reasons for feeling nervous about letting go of sentimental items.
In OCD, the brain gets stuck on a particular thought or urge and just can't let go. People with OCD often say the symptoms feel like a case of mental hiccups that won't go away.
Self-care can help you heal emotional pain. You can try learning mindfulness and grounding exercises, requesting support from friends, and labeling your emotions. For long-term emotional pain, you may want to consider seeking the help of a professional who can support you with therapy techniques and medications.
Emotional Trauma Symptoms
Psychological Concerns: Anxiety and panic attacks, fear, anger, irritability, obsessions and compulsions, shock and disbelief, emotional numbing and detachment, depression, shame and guilt (especially if the person dealing with the trauma survived while others didn't)