When introducing yourself to the family at a funeral or memorial service, be proactive. Those grieving will likely not approach you, so you should approach them. It's a good idea to keep your words brief. Say your name, explain your relationship to the person who died, and express your condolences.
OPENING WORDS:
Family and friends, I welcome you into this gathering which is made sacred with the spirit of love and friendship you bring to this gathering. On behalf of Elizabeth's family I would like say “thank you” so very much, to all of you who have come to be with them today.
For your opening statement, introduce yourself and who you were to the deceased. For example: “Hello everyone, for those of you that don't know me, I'm Jim and I'm Flora's oldest grandchild.”
Death leaves a heartache no one can heal. Love leaves a memory no one can steal. Life is eternal, and love is immortal, and death is only a horizon; and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight.
Introduce yourself and explain your relationship to the deceased. Thank guests for attending the service; acknowledge guests that have travelled to attend. Express condolences to family member and close friends of the deceased.
In a eulogy, do not say anything about the person's cause of death, grudges and old grievances, arguments, character flaws, family rifts, or negative memories. Instead, share good memories and leave it out when in doubt.
There should be 3 parts to the eulogy - a beginning, middle, and end. You may also want to add a fourth part, either beginning or ending with a quote or poem relating to the deceased.
The speech is ideally given by someone who knew the person well enough to gather and share memories and highlights of his/her life. Sometimes the choice is obvious within the family. There is often one person who seems to be the unofficial family spokesperson.
There is no hard and fast rule as to who should give the eulogy speech at a funeral. It's typically given by those who were particularly close, or had a special relationship with, the loved one who passed. It could be a best friend, a spouse, a child or grandchild, or even a co-worker.
The ending of your eulogy should be simple. Addressing the person who has died with a phrase such as, “We will miss you” or “Rest well on your journey, my friend” can be a good way to wrap up. You can also end with an inspirational quote if that feels better to you.
How Long Should a Eulogy Be? A eulogy should be two to 10 minutes in length. This does not sound like much time when you're attempting to recap a lifetime of love and accomplishment. Keep in mind that you must respect the time of those in attendance, particularly if the funeral is during working hours.
The best eulogies are respectful and solemn, but they also give mourners some comic relief. A bit of roasting is fine if it suits who the person was and the family has a sense of humor. Close your eulogy by directly addressing the person who died, something like “Joe, thank you for teaching me how to be a good father.”
The most important part is to focus on how and why they were important to you; eulogies don't need to be polished and perfect. It can be helpful to step away from a first draft and revisit with a fresh pair of eyes. Share your first draft with friends or family members for their input.
It is customary to show your respects by viewing the deceased if the body is present and the casket is open. You may wish to say a silent prayer for, or meditate about, the deceased at this time. In some cases the family may escort you to the casket. The length of your visit at the wake is a matter of discretion.
Use 'the late' before a name of someone who is deceased – often recently – when one wants to be respectful. For example, on a wedding program: —-John Smith, the bride's uncle, will give away the bride in place of her father the late Thomas Smith.
Usually people say a short prayer by the casket and then proceed to share their condolences with the family. Attending a visitation can be the hardest part for people to attend, because it involves talking to the deceased's family.
“I'm so sorry about your loss. [The deceased] was a good person and they'll be very missed.” “Please accept my deepest condolences for your loss.” “[The deceased] was a wonderful person and I'll miss them very much.”
Unless they have chosen to be seated beforehand, the family comes next, chief mourner(s) first, walking with whomever he or she chooses. Close friends may follow, completing the procession. The family and pallbearers occupy the front rows, with friends filling vacant places on either side.