Acknowledge your emotions about the harm done to you, recognize how those emotions affect your behavior, and work to release them. Choose to forgive the person who's offended you. Release the control and power that the offending person and situation have had in your life.
“You can also forgive and then steer clear of them in the future if you feel it's in your best interest,” says Hong. “In fact, mental health experts recommend forgiving those who have hurt you to improve your mental health and well-being.” Remember that when healing a friendship, you also need to heal yourself.
Forgiveness actually embodies three different things, each of which applies to different situations and provides different results. The three types of forgiveness are: exoneration, forbearance and release.
And there's no set time for how long it takes to work through and process the hurt. “Forgiveness is allowing negative feelings of outrage and grief to come in, and then letting them go because you're now at peace with your life.”
Often the hardest person to forgive is yourself. You are so hurt, yet you realize that you are the one to blame. You are the one who did it to yourself. And so you want to make yourself hurt.
Responsibility: Accept what has happened and show yourself compassion. Remorse: Use guilt and remorse as a gateway to positive behaviour change. Restoration: Make amends with whomever you're forgiving, even if it's yourself. Renewal: Learn from the experience and grow as a person.
As with many other religions, Christianity has numerous principles of teachings. Some focus on forgiveness, others require repentance of sins for any mistakes made. When speaking of the Golden Rule Christianity states you should treat others how you want to be treated in return.
Acknowledge your emotions about the harm done to you, recognize how those emotions affect your behavior, and work to release them. Choose to forgive the person who's offended you. Release the control and power that the offending person and situation have had in your life.
The final stage of forgiveness is Acceptance.
You feel at peace. You no longer need to keep your anger close to your heart. You are ready to release yourself from the bondage of bitterness or resentment. You find you no longer need to harbor the pain as a way of protecting yourself.
Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.
Reasons Why It's OK Not to Forgive Someone
If forgiving someone guarantees that they're back in your life, and if that puts those around you (like your children or family) at risk. If that person pressures you to partake in negative behaviors, for example, drinking if you're sober.
Forgiveness is an essential component of being able to attain mental, relational, physical and spiritual well-being. It means forgiving yourself and forgiving those who have caused your trauma, thereby creating space for more positive thoughts. Forgiveness can be both a psychological and a spiritual journey.
Worthington has distilled the REACH plan: Recall the hurt; Empathize with the one who hurt you; Altruistically decide to forgive; Commit publicly to forgiveness; and Hold on to that forgiveness.
Six Approaches to Forgive: for self, for others, for a renewed relationship, for pain reduction in the world, for its own sake, and/or for the sake of love for God.
The first to apologise is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. The first to forget is the happiest. Love that quote, so very, very true.
Forgiveness can be difficult. When someone does something wrong to you, it often takes time and effort to get beyond what they did and to forgive. A common observation, though, is that older people (in their 70s and 80s) are much more forgiving than young and middle-aged adults.
Ways that hinder forgiveness may include: holding on to the grudge, thinking it will somehow punish the other person so we can feel righteous; hoping we will be protected from getting hurt again; believing that fairness and justice must be served, since the other person was wrong; and/or.
If you cannot forgive, you cannot sustain love. Sooner or later a loved one will say or do something hurtful. Then a test of love will ensue. Without the aid of forgiveness, you will not be able to right and restore the relationship.