To stop feeling sad about not being invited, first, acknowledge your feelings (it's okay to be hurt) and then gently challenge negative assumptions, reminding yourself it might be an oversight, not malice. Focus on self-care, build self-confidence by recognizing your own value, and reach out to other supportive friends to shift your focus and perspective, rather than stewing in loneliness.
Whether or not you want space from the friend who didn't invite you, focusing on other bonds can help you feel better. FOMO doesn't sting as badly when you know there are good people in your life.
For example, if you were not invited to a party or some other social event over the weekend, try telling someone about something fun that you did with your family. If someone mentions the party, then try saying something like, “It sounds like you had fun. That's awesome!
Treat feeling left out as information, not identity. Regulate your emotions, test and repair relationships where possible, diversify your social ecosystem, and strengthen personal resilience so exclusion in one area no longer defines your worth or happiness.
Being excluded increases the likelihood of someone feeling as though they don't belong, experiencing low self-esteem, and lacking their sense of control (Gerber & Wheeler, 2009). Research has found that feeling excluded is akin to experiencing physical pain, as the same parts of the brain get activated.
But it does provide some rough guidelines as to how soon may be too soon to make long-term commitments and how long may be too long to stick with a relationship. Each of the three numbers—three, six, and nine—stands for the month that a different common stage of a relationship tends to end.
Social exclusion is used to punish failure to observe common rules. Many people assume that it is motivated by malice; they think, for example, of bullying at school. Some think of the perpetrators as sadistic individuals, who take pleasure in the pain of those they have excluded.
The 11-3-6 rule of friendship is a theory suggesting it takes about 11 encounters, each around 3 hours long, over roughly 6 months, to transform an acquaintance into a real friend, emphasizing consistent, quality time and different settings for deeper connection. This rule highlights that strong friendships aren't accidental but require sustained effort and shared experiences to build familiarity and understanding.
The 80/20 rule in friendships (Pareto Principle) suggests that 80% of your joy and support comes from 20% of your friends, or that 80% of friendship value comes from key interactions, not every moment. It helps you identify your core supportive friends and focus energy on high-value connections, rather than spreading yourself thin, allowing you to appreciate meaningful moments and set realistic expectations, recognizing some relationships will be less fulfilling.
3 phrases to use when you're not invited…
The "7-year friend rule" suggests that friendships lasting over seven years are highly likely to become lifelong bonds, as they've survived major life changes and built strong trust, while research indicates people often lose about half their social network every seven years due to evolving life contexts like school or work, replacing old friends with new ones that fit their current environment.
Fear of missing out (FOMO) is the feeling of apprehension that one is either not in the know about or missing out on information, events, experiences, or life decisions that could make one's life better.
Exclusion hurts so much because it forces us to face the firm boundaries of self-interest that lurk beneath the surface of even the warmest friendship. If home is where, when you go there, "they have to take you in," then friendship is where, when you can't go there, your friend might cheerfully go without you.
A different way of categorizing friendship is by applying “The Three C's”. There are three basic types of people with whom you interact: Constituents, Comrades, and Confidants.
By using the average human brain size and extrapolating from the results of primates, he proposed that humans can comfortably maintain 150 stable relationships. There is some evidence that brain structure predicts the number of friends one has, though causality remains to be seen.
The "5 Cs of Friendship" offer a framework for strong bonds, often emphasizing Communication, Commitment, Consistency, Compassion/Care, and Compatibility, though variations exist, sometimes including elements like Compromise, Character, or Chemistry to build lasting, supportive relationships. These principles highlight the need for openness, reliability, empathy, shared understanding, and dedication to help friendships thrive through challenges.
Here are five rules to help you get started:
Sometimes we are outcasted for things we cannot control such as mental disorders, physical deformities, differing cultural values, a low degree of common values with the surrounding people, or deeper feelings of self-doubt.
Try new things to meet new people
If you live with ADHD, this feeling of being an outsider isn't just in your head. It's a deeply rooted experience, shaped by how your brain processes the world, how society responds to difference, and how misunderstood neurodivergence still is.
Signs people don't like you often involve negative body language (closed-off posture, avoiding eye contact, pointing feet away), lack of effort (never initiating contact, short answers, frequent cancellations), and subtle social cues (backhanded compliments, exclusion from plans, only talking when they need something, treating you differently than others). Your gut feeling and noticing a general lack of enthusiasm or warmth are also strong indicators, says SocialSelf.
A new study suggests that both men and women continue to make lots of friends until the age of 25, but after this, it's claimed that friendships begin to fall away rapidly, with the decline continuing for the rest of our lives.
Even when exclusion is accidental or a misunderstanding, it is often perceived as a form of rejection. Evolution aside, this can trigger thoughts about what you might have done to warrant such treatment, leading to anxiety and a dip in social confidence.