It's absolutely possible to heal from infidelity. Although the pain and grief can be intense, it's also possible to work on the relationship so that you and your partner are able to move on.
In his book, Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired to Connect, Matthew Liberman writes, “When human beings experience threats or damage to their social bonds, the brain responds in much the same way it responds to physical pain.” The pain we experience in betrayal often feels like an attack on our body. It hurts like hell.
Inherent Selfishness/Entitlement. Some cheaters, despite loving their partner and enjoying their relationship, feel they deserve more. Rather than seeing their vow of fidelity as a sacrifice made to and for their relationship, they view it as something to be worked around.
The most important thing to remember is what cheating says about a person. They're insecure, impulsive, selfish, and immature. Sometimes, it's a chronic problem that likely won't ever be fixed, just be sure not to ignore the warning signs.
Experts say it's possible for couples to go on to have a happy relationship after infidelity, provided they're willing to put in the work. “The couple can survive and grow after an affair,” says Coleman.
Repeat cheaters may be prone to infidelity because of an addiction to sex. You might cheat because you feel your partner doesn't satisfy your needs or vice versa. Robert Weiss of Psych Central defines sexual addiction as an addiction that causes an individual to feel an intense need for sex.
People who are unfaithful to their partners regret causing their loved one so much pain and heartache. Even if the couple decides to stay together, it's very hard for them to have a trust-based, happy relationship. If you're thinking about cheating, just don't do it. You have everything to lose.
Infidelity can have lasting impacts on partners and children the couple may have. Grief, brain changes, behaviors down the road, and mental health conditions such as anxiety, chronic stress, and depression can result. Some families have been able to move past infidelity with time and therapy.
Despite the initial thrill of an affair, cheating can negatively affect the cheater emotionally. It's common for them to feel anxiety, guilt, shame, worry, regret, confusion, embarrassment, and self-loathing when they contemplate how their actions impact those they love and why they cheated in the first place.
In some cases, it stems from unmet needs in a relationship. Issues like lack of communication, boredom, and personal insecurities can fester when they're not fully addressed. If one partner feels like they're never listened to or respected in their primary relationship, they may look for that in another person.
That said, cheating may represent compulsive behavior and fall under the category of behavioral addictions, which may explain patterns of serial and chronic infidelity. There are limited studies examining the data between compulsive cheating and mental health disorders.
Infidelity does not mean that the love is gone or never existed. The reality is that you can love someone and still cheat on them. In fact, many affairs happen in relationships that are otherwise very happy.
Close to 25% of marriages stay together after an instance of cheating. And more men than women stay married when they are the cheating partner (61% vs 44%).
So, “the case can be made for not telling your partner over a one-time indiscretion,” says Caraballo. That said, if you cheated—even if it was just once—he recommends finding a safe space to talk through the cheating with a trusted friend, loved one, or therapist.
How Many Couples Stay Together After an Affair? In one study, researchers found that with instances of secret infidelity, only about 20% of couples were still married after 5 years. However, for couples who revealed infidelity, that percentage jumped to 57%.
Unfortunately, there are several long-term effects of infidelity that can affect a person long after the cheating has stopped. These can be life-changing, and lead to the development of certain mental health conditions including chronic depression, anxiety, post-infidelity stress disorder, and betrayal trauma.
Since cheating means different things to different people, it may not come as a surprise if someone says kissing does not count as cheating. In fact, according to a survey conducted by BBC Radio 5 Live, 73 per cent of women consider kissing as cheating but only 50 per cent men count it as an act of betrayal.
Research in the field of infidelity reveals that there are three distinct personality types correlated with a higher likelihood of cheating: sociopaths, narcissists, and lonely hearts.
Simply put, cheating is being unfaithful to your partner.
There are different types of cheating in a relationship, and it doesn't only involve physical affairs. Instead, cheating seeks sexual intimacy, emotional attachment, or gratification from someone other than your partner.
Some of the main characteristics of toxic relationships include emotional bitterness, abuse, physical abuse, lying and cheating, gaslighting, and dislike or distrust.