The answer is simple, although narcissists prefers the highly charged dynamic of their Primary Narcissistic Supply, however inevitability things go wrong (i.e. they may suddenly become bored, or they may fall-out with the person because they are not getting what they want from them).
Narcissists often engage in manipulative and controlling behaviors to secure this supply, using others as a means to boost their own ego and maintain their self-esteem. Their whole life revolves around getting their supply because it's the only way to maintain their grandiose sense of self and self-worth.
Generally speaking, narcissists look happy with their new supply because they are in the idealization phase. During this phase, they shower the new supply with love, attention, and affection, which can make it seem like they are truly happy, but this initial happiness is often superficial and short-lived.
They don't love the new person more or less than they did you, because they are literally unable to love like we do. They cannot emotionally bond, so their “love” is strictly based on how much and how easily they can get supply.
The Primary Narcissistic Supply is attention, in both its public forms (fame, notoriety, infamy, celebrity) and its private, interpersonal, forms (adoration, adulation, applause, fear, repulsion). It is important to understand that attention of any kind - positive or negative - constitutes Primary Narcissistic Supply.
Narcissists thrive on getting attention, feeling special, and having control. He is an expert at getting an emotional reaction out of you – good or bad – because it makes him feel powerful and better than you.
Narcissistic supply refers to the constant supply of attention and admiration needed by narcissists. To gain this attention, narcissists often use a “false self” that is likable to attract people to them.
The longer the lack of Narcissistic Supply, the more the narcissist glorifies, re-writes, misses and mourns this past. This nostalgia serves to enhance other negative feelings, amounting to clinical depression. The narcissist proceeds to develop paranoia.
But as clinical psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula points out, narcissists often have a habit of staying in contact with their exes in a way that is solely about their own needs. "The central motivator for narcissists is validation," she explains. "And an ex is often a really interesting place to get it...
The narcissist is desperate and will do anything to ensure their supply is refilled because that is their means of survival. They ensure their supply is refilled by treating this new person as if they are special, because that is what draws them in. However, the supply refill can't last forever.
How can you tell if you are the submissive partner, inadvertently feeding the narcissist? The main sign is a complete lack of care for your needs, be they emotional, mental, or physical. They will not consider your well-being, health, or mental stability. They only care about their own self-worth.
The narcissist needs others to boost their ego and feed their feelings of grandiosity and superiority. They would not be willing to have a gap in people who serve that role, so they look for a new supply even while they are still with their old partner.
It is common for people with a narcissistic personality disorder to regret discarding or losing someone, but it does not mean what you might think. If they feel regret, it is not because they hurt you. It is for losing something that they value.
Narcissists compare supply insofar as they assess what kind of supply they need right now and whether they can obtain it from that source. In general though, narcissists prefer new supply to old supply. As with all things new, it feels more special.
When a narcissistic person doesn't get a constant supply of validation or someone injures their self-esteem, their confident and superior facade can collapse. A narcissistic collapse may happen because others don't see the person like they want to be seen, for example.
In a survey we conducted among 400 survivors of narcissistic abuse, we found that the average amount of time it took for narcissistic men to get bored with their new supply was five months and the average amount of time it took for narcissistic women to get bored with their new supply was two-and-a-half months.
Narcissists can and do love, but their love tends to be superficial and fleeting. They can develop intense emotional attachments—even appearing to "fall in love"—and yet still maintain a complete lack of empathy for the object of their affection.
People who are impressive in some way, either in their career, hobbies and talents, their friendship circles, or family. Someone who will make the narcissist feel good about themselves, through compliments or gestures. Anyone who will reflect well on them in the eyes of other people.
At the end of a relationship, narcissists may become combative, passive-aggressive, hostile, and even more controlling. People with NPD often fail to understand other people's needs and values. They are hyper focused on their egos, but do not account for how their actions affect others.
They're often introverted, sensitive, and prone to experiencing anxiety and shame. They may also struggle to maintain close friendships as they focus heavily on themselves, require attention, and are hyper-sensitive to perceived criticism.
Narcissists often use money as a tool for punishment. They may reward you financially when you do what they want, and then withhold money when they feel vindictive. This can feel unsafe, degrading and confusing.
These abusers are always looking to satisfy their needs and dominate their partners, including in sexual relationships. Depending on the phase of the toxic relationship, they will behave differently. In reality, their goal is always the same: to please themselves and strengthen their hold on you.
Narcissists show off their new supply to get as much narcissistic supply as they can from others, to devalue, degrade, and invalidate their old supply, and because they are love bombing their new supply to make them feel special and unique.
Both clinical and empirical studies have confirmed that emotional distress, interpersonal vulnerability, a sense of inadequacy, need for control, avoidance, and fear, pain, and anxiety are important facets of narcissistic personality functioning.
The narcissistic abuse cycle refers to an abusive pattern of behavior that characterizes the relationships of people with narcissistic traits. It involves first idealizing a person, then devaluing them, repeating the cycle, and eventually discarding them when they are of no further use.