Yes, avoidants do miss you, but they often suppress these feelings, so the missing happens later, triggered by your unavailability and their emotional defenses failing, often manifesting as missing the idea or the companionship, not necessarily immediate romantic longing. Their emotional suppression breaks down when they can't distract themselves or rely on you as a backup, leading to a delayed realization of loss and longing for the connection they lost, even if they struggle to admit it or act on it romantically.
``Stay close to the fearful avoidant, be present, but do not push them towards a relationship in any way, not even subtly. Allow them to experience longing for you initially and remain nearby for when they muster up the courage to make a significant move towards you.''
If you're in a relationship with an avoidant. you'll agree that when they do get that time apart they get to come back and it's usually stronger than it was before. The second thing that happens is they get to understand their own emotions.
When an avoidant is silent it's usually because they are overwhelmed and shutting down and literally can't process. Or they truly do not want to ever talk to you again. It hurts but it's not malicious from an avoidant.
🌟 Forces Confrontation with Himself: Avoidants typically distract themselves with temporary relationships and superficial connections. But when your silence persists, these distractions eventually fade. He's left alone, forced to confront his emotions, insecurities, and the emptiness left behind.
What hurts an avoidant most isn't distance but rather the loss of their perceived self-sufficiency, being forced to confront their own emotional deficits, and the shattering of their self-image when someone they pushed away shows they are genuinely happy and better off without them, revealing their actions had real, painful consequences. Actions that trigger deep insecurity, like consistent, calm detachment or proving you don't need them, dismantle their defenses, forcing them to face their own inability to connect and the pain they caused, which is often worse than direct conflict.
they do, usually they have one they kind of obsess on and they romanticize that relationship (even if it was relatively mediocre). They often use it as a distancing strategy against whoever they're currently with.
If you're dating someone with an avoidant attachment style and experiencing their deactivating behaviors, you probably already know that they could last minutes to months. There's no set deadline on when someone feels ready to re-approach a relationship.
How to make an avoidant ex miss you: 15 effective ways
Studies show that all avoidant partners need a lot of personal space. If not given, it can make them feel insecure and hurt the relationship. But, giving them space can make them feel safe and happy, improving the relationship by up to 60%.
It takes them 6 to 8 weeks because they're usually repressing and trying not to feel their emotions within that first month, at least. The degree of avoidance also plays a big part in how long to wait.
Avoidants return on their own terms, often when they feel their independence isn't at risk. This means that constantly reaching out, pleading, or trying to “fix” the relationship pushes them further away instead of drawing them in.
8 Signs an Avoidant Loves You
Avoidant individuals want a partner who does not threaten their need for autonomy. They tend to be attracted to traits that align with their core values of independence and self-reliance.
Avoidant attachers are technically more compatible with certain attachment styles over others. For example, a secure attacher's positive outlook on themselves and others means they are capable of meeting the needs of an avoidant attacher without necessarily compromising their own.
The Role of Attachment Styles
If you have an avoidant attachment style, you might feel suffocated by closeness and mistake that for boredom. On the other hand, if you're anxiously attached, you might get bored because you're constantly chasing drama or reassurance to feel loved.
Letting Them Lead
Letting them set the pace also melts them. Many avoidants feel rushed in emotional moments. But when you allow them to go slow, they feel safe. Here is the paradox: the more control they feel, the less they use control to protect themselves.
The "65% rule of breakups" refers to research suggesting couples often separate when relationship satisfaction drops below a critical threshold, around 65% of the maximum possible score, indicating distress is too high to continue. While not a formal psychological law, experts use the idea to suggest that if you feel significantly unhappy (e.g., 65% sure the relationship isn't working), it might be time to consider ending it to create space for peace and something healthier, rather than staying in a failing situation.
Many avoidants have high Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE) scores. Past experiences of neglect, abandonment, or betrayal taught them that vulnerability is dangerous. So even when they regret losing you, fear of getting hurt again can stop them from reaching out or trying to rebuild.
There is no strict number of no-contact days before it's considered to be a ghosting experience. However, there are some other signs that can help you decide if it is a ghosting experience or just a lull in communication. One sign it the length of communication.
In the initial part of addictive relationships, the avoidant exhibits an illusion of intimacy, caring, and connection. They form an immediate attachment while idealizing their romantic partner. They come on strong and appear charming, strong, stimulating, caring, generous, and devoted (all seductive maneuvers).
Dismissive avoidant returns are also more likely to involve long stretches of time. Because they suppress emotions and don't process breakups in real time, it might be six months, a year, or even longer before they resurface.
There's no emotional connection
One of the key signs that your relationship is over is that the spark has gone. A foundation of a healthy relationship is that both partners feel comfortable being truly open with each other in sharing thoughts and opinions.
Some studies showed that differences in attachment styles seem to influence both the frequency and the patterns of jealousy expression: individuals with the preoccupied or fearful-avoidant attachment styles more often become jealous and consider rivals as more threatening than those with the secure attachment style [9, ...
When an avoidant ex haunts/ stalks your socials they are trying to maintain distance with someone they still have feelings for but are doing everything in their power to control the distance between you and them so they feel like they have control over the intimacy between you both.