Though typical narcissists do not discard people because they crave attention, covert narcissists may go to extreme measures to permanently discard you.
Discard/Rejection: When the narcissist gets bored or decides the person is no longer useful enough to them, they'll often end the relationship and 'discard' the person. Sometimes, this ending is final. Other times, a narcissist will use hoovering to lure the person back into the relationship and repeat the cycle.
Do Narcissists Come Back to Relationships? Yes, they often do come back to relationships. A narcissist will repeat their cycle of abuse as long as they need you as a supply. Even their distressing discard performance will leave you in a firm belief they're done with you; a narcissist will come back.
The discard is permanent because you don't allow them to use their narcissist tactics on you. So now that the narcissist is finally out of your life, now is the time to not allow them back in. Grey rock and do whatever to prevent hoovering.
Daramus lists some reasons why a person with narcissistic tendencies might discard you: You were too difficult for them to control. You were easily manipulated by them, causing them to look down upon you. You no longer fuel their ego, so they've moved on to someone else who can supply what they need.
Do narcissists forget you? The answer is both yes and no. Once they discard you, they are for all intents and purposes done. Leading up to the discard, they have forgotten every good thing you may have done for them.
Once the narcissist has completely broken you down and you can no longer fuel their ego, they will discard you. This phase leaves the partner feeling worthless and confused, wondering what they could have done differently to salvage the relationship.
Sometimes they'll find a new source, but often they'll come back to you. Do Narcissists come back after dumping you? Yes! They most often come back after ending the relationship if there is still enough supply for them.
As a general rule, narcissists are going to feel complete after the discard. The discard phase isn't as simple as cutting ties with someone for a narcissist. No, it often serves a very specific purpose that has to do with helping them manage their suppressed negative emotions.
Breakups with narcissists don't always end the relationship. Many won't let you go, even when they are the ones who left the relationship, and even when they're with a new partner. They won't accept “no.” They hoover in an attempt to rekindle the relationship or stay friends after a breakup or divorce.
MD. At the end of a relationship, a narcissist will often spiral down a long-winded gauntlet of manipulation tactics. They may blame you for causing the relationship to fail, work hard to keep you to stay with them, make lofty promises to change their behavior, or badmouth you to everyone around them.
Often, a narcissist will retaliate by ignoring you. This is a means to punish you for puncturing their delusions. They're also avoiding you because a narcissist's sense of self is too unstable to resolve conflict. They are putting you in a position to make you desperate for their approval.
Remind the Narcissist of What They Are Missing
The narcissist discarded you because they assumed you had run out of supply. You can get the narcissist to come crawling back by letting them know there's plenty more available. Play the narcissist at their own game by love-bombing them.
When a narcissist discards you it often means they feel a lack of control over you. Narcissists are control freaks. A narcissist must have his/her way and will do anything to have it. For a narcissist, all relationships are ultimately about controlling the other person.
Narcissists can never really love anyone.
That's why it's important to remember that no matter how happy and loved-up they look with their new partner, it's only a matter of time before they start being belittled and insulted too. Narcissists can never really love anyone.
The difference between a typical breakup and a discard is that during a normal split, both parties are generally sad. The initiator is usually able to recognize that the other person's feelings are hurt, and will have some sense of guilt. However, narcissists lack empathy.
The narcissist can go for weeks without speaking to you, with the implication being that you need them more than they need you. You will be the one to beg for forgiveness and acquiesce to their demands. Sometimes the silent treatment never ends.
According to Dr. Darlene Lancer, many narcissists can only sustain a relationship for six months to a few years (at the most). Keep in mind, though, we're talking about one four-stage cycle. Too often, a narcissist will initiate the cycle again, training their target to expect them to come back.
Sometimes they will get back with you only to break up with you (or discard you) later. It's important to them that if a breakup takes place, they are the ones to initiate it. More worrisome, they may seek revenge because ignoring them is one of the worst things you can do to a narcissist — in their mind, anyway.
The relationship cycle typical of extreme narcissistic abuse generally follows a pattern. Individuals in emotionally abusive relationships experience a dizzying whirlwind that includes three stages: idealization, devaluing, and discarding.
The truth is that the discard is final when you decide that you are done with the toxic relationship and done with the narcissist. If you want the narcissist out and want it to be over, you have to be the one to put an end to it. You can go no contact with them and never consider going back.
They will lash out – narcissists thrive on using others as a source to make them feel important. If you ignore them and deny them of their source, they may become enraged. They will essentially have a tantrum and throw insults and threats at you.
As a general rule, narcissists don't miss or love their exes — but they'll work hard to convince you that they do. Ultimately, people with NPD are incapable of genuinely missing anybody.