Most parents have a favourite child, and it's probably the eldest, according to researchers.
A new and different love
Among parents who decide to have another child, one common concern is that they won't love their second kid as much as their first. The simple truth is that you will love them both fiercely. The love may feel different, but it's no less or more.
Despite what the movies and birth-story blogs tell us, many mothers don't feel an instant connection with their babies (whether it's their first, second or fifth). That's okay.
While the youngest sibling is usually the funniest kid, mom and dad favor the youngest for a reason that might surprise you. According to a new study conducted by Brigham Young University's School of Family Life, the youngest sibling of the family tends to be mom and dad's favorite child because of perception.
Your success in life may be influenced by your birth order, according to the economist Sandra E. Black. Black points to research she and her colleagues have conducted that found that firstborns tend to be smarter, richer, and all-around more successful than their younger siblings.
Most parents have a favourite child, and it's probably the eldest, according to researchers. A study conducted at the University of California shows that out of 768 parents surveyed, 70 per cent of mothers and 74 per cent of fathers admitted to having a favourite child.
In terms of the children's relationships with their parents, sibling rivalry, and their own self-esteem, Jeannie Kidwell, a former professor of family studies at the University of Tennessee in Knoxville, says the best time to have another baby is either when your first is younger than 1 or older than 4.
Child number two or three doesn't make a parent happier. And, for mothers, he found, more children appear to make them less happy—although they are happier than childless women. For dads, additional children had no effect on their well-being in his study.
Yet the newest pregnancy always seems to be harder than the one before it. While every pregnancy is different, it is not uncommon to find your second or subsequent pregnancy more challenging.
As a result, parents find that their mental and physical health takes a big hit with two kids thanks to the effect of chronic stress. And that's especially true for women in cisgendered, straight relationships, where both partners tend to slot, unconsciously or otherwise, into traditional carer/earner roles.
Parents have unresolved trauma in their own lives.
For example, a parent who cannot bear to be reminded of his own childhood sadness may be vindictive or punishing to his children when they cry. Another parent may suppress her children's pain in just the opposite way—by over-comforting and over-protecting them.
From pregnancy and labour right through to the effect on family life, having a second child can be a very different experience. Lots of mums worry that they won't bond as instantly as they did the first time, but often the reason parents feel they aren't bonding as quickly with a second child is simply down to time.
Second born children tend to “bounce off” the firstborn – or the child immediately ahead of them – often developing opposite traits of the firstborn. Because they look to their peers for acceptance, middle children tend to be sociable, friendly and peacemakers.
Based on the study findings, they suggest the optimal time between giving birth and getting pregnant again is 18 months, with a range of 12 to 24 months.
One is a sweet spot. A twin study of 35,000 showed moms of only children are happier than women without kids, and happier those with two or more. A recent study of 20,000 parents over 16 years shows the birth of a second child increases parental stress due to time pressure, and mothers are hit the hardest.
According to a Gallup poll, 4 in 10 Americans say three or more children is the ideal family size.
Two kids require more time, more attention, and more energy than one, which means you have less of all of those to spend on each other. Date nights, romantic evenings, and even casual conversations are harder to come by. You also have more things to disagree on.
Grow your family to at least four children! According to a study out of Australia's Edith Cowan University, parents with the most life satisfaction (which means those who are the happiest) are those that have four or more children.
Having two children is good for your health
Three different studies looked at thousands of older adults and found the same thing: two kids was the sweet spot for health. The risk of an early death increases by 18% for parents of an only child. Also, the risk is higher for parents of three or more kids.
Some couples find it easier to get pregnant the second time around (maybe because they are already familiar with their unique ovulation patterns), but for many couples, it takes longer to get pregnant the second time. In fact, secondary infertility is more common than primary infertility.
The years between eight and thirteen can leave you feeling like a parenting beginner all over again. They bring backchat, rudeness, defiance, highly emotive responses (SO many big emotions!), selfishness, “I hate yous”, sulking and door slamming.
According to a study published in The Journal of Neuroscience, the relationship between mothers and daughters is the strongest of all parent-child bonds.
Even if you don't fully recognize it, research indicates that there's a good chance that you actually do have a favorite. In fact, one study published in the Journal of Family Psychology found 74% of moms and 70% of dads reported preferential treatment toward one child.
Children who have older brothers become more aggressive over time, on average, than those who have older sisters. Older siblings with younger sisters become less aggressive.