Pallbearers can be almost anyone – grandchildren, siblings, close friends – as long as they are physically able to carry the coffin and walk steadily.
Pallbearers are usually close family members and friends. Siblings, adult children, grown grandchildren, nieces and nephews, close friends, and colleagues are all common choices for pallbearers. However, anyone can serve as a pallbearer.
Pallbearers are usually chosen by the closest relatives of the person who has died, and may be family members, close friends or co-workers. Although pallbearers have traditionally always been men, women are now also given the role. It is considered a great honour to be a pallbearer.
The people you choose can be close family members and close friends of the deceased. It's better to pick individuals of the same height so that it's easier to carry the coffin and the weight is evenly distributed. There can be either 6 or 4 pallbearers depending on the weight of the casket.
How Many Pallbearers Should We Select? Most of the time, families choose six pallbearers to carry the casket, but it is not uncommon to choose eight active pallbearers. If the family selects six pallbearers, three pallbearers will carry the casket on each side.
Anyone you choose can serve as a pallbearer at your funeral. As pallbearers are the individuals who escort the casket, if there is no casket, or a cremation was planned rather than a burial, there is, in this case, no need for pallbearers and would only be appropriate if there will be a casket present for the service.
Participating in a funeral as a pallbearer is a time-honored tradition and a sign of trust. It's both an honor and a responsibility. After all, you have been asked to accompany a dearly loved person to their final resting place, which means the family trusts and values you.
Whether it is a father, mother, son, daughter, uncle, aunt, cousin, husband, wife, or best friend, it is crucial that a pallbearer is emotionally, mentally and physically capable of carrying out the task. If any person is unfit mentally, emotionally or physically, they can serve as an honorary pallbearer.
Who Should Serve as Pallbearers? Traditionally, men are seen as pallbearers. But, to answer the question in the title, yes, women do the job as well. This actually depends on the discretion of the family members, or in some instances, based on who will volunteer for the duty.
Is Carrying a Coffin Heavy for Pallbearers? Yes, carrying a coffin can be burdensome for pallbearers. The body, casket, and hardware may weigh 400 pounds. If that weight is divided evenly among six pallbearers, each one is responsible for about 66 pounds.
Pallbearers need to dress appropriately. Unless the bereaved specify otherwise, men should wear dark, solid suits with white shirts and conservative ties, and women should wear dark pantsuits or dresses. You really don't want to trip when carrying the casket.
If You Haven't Selected Pallbearers
In these instances, you can work with your local funeral home to assign extra employees to help perform this service. You might also work with a local church to find senior church leaders or even youth who would be able to help.
Family members and close friends are common choices. Either men or women can be pallbearers as long as they are physically capable of doing so. Sometimes, honorary pallbearers can stand in place of individuals that are incapable of physically lifting the casket.
Opinions differ on whether family members should be asked to be pallbearers. Some people consider it a no-no, while others are fine with including family members. It's possible that immediate family members of the deceased, like siblings or children, may be grieving too deeply to be tasked with this job.
They can be men and women usually over the age of 16. When asked to be a pallbearer, it's an honor and very few people decline this request. Pallbearers play a crucial role in the funeral service, as they're in the public eye.
It is not common to see women carrying the casket, but that is not to say that there is anything wrong with women taking up this honourable duty in a funeral service.
Pallbearers will have to carry the casket with the body inside, so they will have to transport the body's weight and the coffin. 370 to 400 pounds is the final weight that pallbearers will carry if the casket is standard sized, 200 pounds heavy, whereas the adult body is 200 pounds (male) or 170 pounds (female).
Pallbearer etiquette
Carry the coffin with dignity and respect. Carefully follow the funeral director's instructions. Wear smart and appropriate attire. Walk slowly and steadily. Arrive at the funeral slightly early.
Know the weight of the person in the coffin and bear in mind that wooden coffins are also quite heavy, adding up to 20kg. If the load is more than 90kgs (14 stones) you will need six bearers. If the load is more than 125 kilos (20 stones), you should think very carefully about carrying the coffin.
As early as the 1700s, gloves were given to pallbearers by the deceased's family to handle the casket. They were a symbol of purity, and considered a symbol of respect and honor.
There is no standard for pallbearer gifts, but those who opt to provide them should make sure that the gesture is meaningful and honors the service—even if just a small token of gratitude.
Try to keep your emotions in check
No one will fault you for letting a few tears slip, but if you're concerned you won't be able to do your duty without heavy crying, you might want to decline the invitation to be a pallbearer. It's best to keep a straight face.
If you have been asked to be a pallbearer but do not feel comfortable performing this role, it is perfectly acceptable to decline. There is no shame in admitting that carrying a casket is not something you feel comfortable doing. If you decline, simply thank the family for asking and express your condolences.
It is a common practice to cover the legs as there is swelling in the feet and shoes don't fit. As part of funeral care, the body is dressed and preserved, with the prime focus on the face. Post embalming, bodies are often placed without shoes; hence covering the legs is the way to offer a dignified funeral.
Pallbearers typically sit together in one of the first rows on the right. At some funerals, pallbearers sit with their family or friends in the congregation. If this is the case, just make sure that you speak with the funeral director so you understand when you are required to leave your seat to help move the casket.