It is believed that many narcissists primarily want child custody not for the welfare of the kid, but for their own gratification. As the courts are obliged to provide the child with the care that is in their best interest, the narcissist may be prevented from gaining custody.
“In order to successfully co-parent with someone who has narcissistic traits, you need to establish a solid parenting plan, and to make sure anything you both decide upon is documented,” says Burgemeester. This will protect you and your kids should your co-parent try to disregard your wishes.
“Narcissistic parents beget kids with a whole host of psychological problems,” Durvasula says. These problems include higher than average rates of depression and anxiety, lack of self-regulation, eating disorders, low self-esteem, an impaired sense of self, substance abuse and perfectionism.
Request that they write a “witness statement” that outlines what they experienced and that they sign it to confirm that it's true. Witnesses may not know you well, but they're important for a court case because they provide first-hand details about how a narcissist disrespected you.
Yes. A parent can lose custody of their child if their narcissistic traits or NPD is not managed and begins to negatively affect their children's physical or emotional well-being.
A narcissistic parent will often abuse the normal parental role of guiding their children and being the primary decision maker in the child's life, becoming overly possessive and controlling. This possessiveness and excessive control disempowers the child; the parent sees the child simply as an extension of themselves.
The tragic reality is that narcissists don't (and can't) love their children in the way that ordinary people do. They will tell you that they do (and most likely they will believe that they do), but their love can only be of the transactional, conditional type, even with their children.
Narcissistic parenting isn't about bragging on social media or forcing rigorous extracurricular activities on your kids. It goes a lot deeper, and it's one of the most toxic ways to raise your kids. Narcissistic parents have a hard time allowing their kids to become their own person, or have their own needs met.
A major way how a narcissist affects custody is by pursuing parental rights as a form of enhancing or creating a power disparity between themselves and the other parent. It is believed that many narcissists primarily want child custody not for the welfare of the kid, but for their own gratification.
Cramer (2011) showed that children raised by authoritative and permissive parents (high responsiveness) exhibited more adaptive narcissistic tendencies, such as superiority and grandiosity, whereas children raised by authoritarian parents (low responsiveness) were less likely to exhibit such traits.
Co-parenting is not an option for those with narcissistic traits and behaviors. Creating a custody plan with a narcissistic ex-partner is a task best left to legal professionals. A narcissist will do anything to cause problems in their co-parent's personal life and ruin their relationship with the child.
Therefore, a narcissistic spouse will not want to be exposed in front of a judge. When confronted with facts, the person will likely allow their true nature to come out. A judge can see firsthand the combative, abusive, and controlling nature of the narcissistic parent.
Their inability to compromise can make mediation and out-of-court settlement impossible. Because judges want to know that couples have tried to mediate their differences, the narcissist's rigidity can work against him.
In fact, research has shown that nearly 60% of all marriages to narcissists – male or female – end in divorce. So, what's the reason for this high rate of divorce involving this one personality type? Let's take a closer look.
Summary: For most people, narcissism wanes as they age. A new study reports the magnitude of the decline of narcissistic traits is tied to specific career and personal relationship choices. However, this is not true for everyone.
In many families, a narcissistic sibling or child slowly takes over by demanding the most attention and loyalty, insulting everyone (even parents), violating the family's rules, and manipulating its decision-making.
Effects of Being Raised by Narcissists
Brunell says, “The child typically suffers from low psychological well-being, such as low self-esteem, depression, and anxiety. They tend to try to please others and have poor ability to set boundaries or to say no to people's requests.
Children of narcissists often end up in relationships with people who have narcissistic traits. These children feel like they can never be good enough for their partner or themselves, so they become codependent on the other person to make them happy and validate their self-worth.
The good news is that under a caring family court judge, trained to recognize the psychological manipulation of a narcissistic/borderline abuser and to spot trauma, family courts can stop being part of the problem of child abuse and domestic violence and become a big part of THE solution.