One effective way that a narcissist can draw someone back into their realm is to say, “I love you.” If you're especially important to a narcissist, they'll say and do just about anything to get you back, including using those powerful three words.
They want you to love them.
They may be telling you that they love you because they so desperately want you to love them. This is a part of the love bombing stage of the narcissistic relationship. They want you to feel valued, idealized, and perfect for them so that you will feel the same way about them.
Narcissists may show you love and act in loving ways, but this tends to be conditional, in that displays of love depend on what you can give them in return. For people with NPD, relationships tend to be transactional. Love is not self-serving, proud, boastful, exploitative, or envious.
In fact, the love language of the narcissist is to get you to do all the work of the relationship. They feel “loved” when you are proving your love and loyalty. They believe you are invested into the relationship when you invest more into them than you invest in you.
Whether it's concious or unconsious, saying "I Love You" might be a manipulation tactic. It can be used for power,to smooth over mistakes, and keep someone around.
Emotional manipulation is scary because it can make you doubt everything about yourself: Your worth, your beliefs, even your own perceptions. Emotional manipulators do sometimes have real feelings for you. But their behavior makes that irrelevant in most cases.
"You're a bad person." "Nobody else will ever love you." "I'm the best you'll ever have." "Have fun being alone for the rest of your life."
The unfortunate truth is that narcissists do not really fall in love with people. They fall in love with their projections of whomever they currently idealize as the perfect mate. They can sound convincingly in love, but that is because they temporarily believe in the fantasy version of you created in their mind.
Narcissists crave praise but view it as scarce. As a result, they are unlikely to praise others freely or completely. For example, when you show up sporting a new hair style, they may say something such as,Well, look at you!
Narcissists' sexual preferences are often very specific. In bed, the narcissist may have very explicit ideas about what their partner should do or even say. They want the narrative to play out in a certain way, and they don't have patience for changes to the script. This has to do with their lack of empathy.
Narcissistic partners usually have difficulty really loving someone else, because they don't truly love themselves. They are so focused on themselves that they cannot really “see” their partner as a separate person. They tend to only see the partner in terms of how they fill their needs (or fail to fill their needs).
But this was not the case for narcissists—they were significantly more satisfied with partners who met their ideals for attractiveness, status, and vitality. This shows that not only do narcissists value “trophy” traits in a partner, but they are happier with their relationships when they obtain those traits.
One of the narcissistic traits that makes it so hard for narcissists to love another is their lack of empathy. They do not have the emotional capacity to acknowledge or respond to another's feelings. Narcissists value people as tools rather than souls, as they view the world through a lens clouded by self-interest.
Narcissists, when they know you're in love with them, see you as a pathetic person who can be made to lower their self-esteem and standards to please others. They realize you are now a slave to your bonding emotions and mentally weak to resist their demands.
Can Narcissists Be Affectionate? Absolutely. As you probably know, most narcissists are quite affectionate during the love-bombing phase. In fact, they tend to be too loving and overbearing when you first begin dating.
“Deep down, narcissists hope for love and caring”, says Frank Yeomans, “but it often makes them feel very uncomfortable if they seem to find it, partly because they feel vulnerable and doubt the authenticity of any love that comes their way.
"Narcissists are drawn to those who can boost their own self-esteem and validate their sense of importance," Wasser told Insider. "Being associated with someone who is successful or admired can make the narcissist feel more important by proxy."
They get jealous about everything
They talk a good game, but narcissists actually have very low self-esteem. Low self-worth/confidence/esteem is at the core of a narcissism. This low sense of self naturally makes it extremely easy for them to become jealous – very jealous.
Remember that narcissists need the world to revolve around them. Sadly, this means that narcissist texts can be both arrogant and demanding. Examples of narcissist text messages that demand things from you could be, “I need $300 now, but I promise I'll pay you back”, “pick me up from the airport tomorrow,” and so on.