Reconnecting with a fearful avoidant takes time—and that's okay. You probably want to get back together as soon as possible (which is understandable), but try to remember that patience is the key to successfully interacting with a fearful avoidant. Make it clear to your partner that you're here for them.
Individuals with high attachment avoidance might be less likely to forgive others; instead, they tend to back out of a relationship whenever problematic issues occur.
They'll pull away from you hard when you walk away from them. Over time, however, their desire to be with you may overcome their fears and want to get back with you. So far, we've looked at how avoidants generally react to being abandoned.
Every avoidant is different, but deactivation generally lasts anywhere from a few days to a few weeks. Most fearful avoidants will reach out or begin responding again after 2 – 5 days because they want connection and feel happier in relationships.
Yes, the dismissive avoidant misses you, but they miss you later on. In the beginning they're going to be relieved that they have their freedom. They can get their independence back and they get to go and do what they want to do without having to answer any questions to anybody.
A fearful avoidant during no contact acts slightly differently from other attachment styles. Going no contact with them can become extremely distracting and often requires a lot of discipline. The fearful-avoidant does not express remorse or sadness over heartbreak in the initial weeks of the breakup.
In spite of the fact that avoidants may regret breaking up, they may regard their ex-partner negatively, and convince themselves that the breakup was their ex's fault. Thus, they may talk themselves into thinking that the breakup was the best decision they ever made.
We have found that on average a fearful avoidant will not initiate a reconnection with you. However, there is a window of time where they do consider it and if you time it right you can get them to come back if that's what you want.
If you feel that your avoidant partner isn't recognizing your love or reciprocating your efforts, it's time to leave. While you might feel emotions like sadness, anger, fear, or grief, this is all part of the healing process.
Avoidants are afraid of and incapable of tolerating true intimacy. Since they were brought up not to depend on anyone or reveal feelings that might not be acceptable to caregivers, their first instinct when someone gets really close is to run away.
Dismissive-avoidant after breakup: short-term
So in the aftermath of a painful breakup, they are less likely to turn to friends and family. They want to deal with things on their own. And when it comes to challenging, romantic feelings, airing their 'dirty laundry' is often the last thing they want to do.
The first reason a dismissive avoidant ex may come back to you is if the relationship ended on neutral or positive terms. People with this attachment style aren't big on processing difficult emotions because, often, they struggle with emotional intelligence.
Because people with an avoidant attachment style fear not being lovable or good enough, feeling criticized or judged by loved ones can be particularly painful. Especially when it comes to things that they are not so comfortable with, such as their emotions and feelings.
Fearful avoidants both want and fear intimacy. So they seek closeness. But once they do, their fear of intimacy and attachment kicks in and they suddenly feel the need to escape, and this is when they need you to chase them.
As far as the dismissive more specifically, most likely they'll just fade to black and you won't hear from them after that first month. Around almost a two month mark is when the dismissive avoidant is going to really start to feel things.
Once again, people with a dismissive-avoidant style showed that they did care about relationships. Dismissive avoidant students reported higher self-esteem and positive mood than non-dismissives—but only when told that surgency predicts future interpersonal success.
Avoidantly attached people are prone to “shutting down, numbing, rigid compartmentalizing, and pushing away,” Mary Chen, LFMT, tells SELF. And these suppression techniques can feel “exactly like rejection” to their partners, making it hard to approach—and therefore understand—avoidants!
In short, yes, avoidants can feel guilt but it's often warped and used in ways that are unhealthy.
Dismissive avoidants hurt after a break-up but because dismissive avoidants often don't form attachments or strong bonds with their relationship partners, and do not “lose themselves” in relationships, their hurt after a break-up may not be as deep as other attachment styles.
The fearful avoidant will typically go through a period of euphoria after a breakup due to their newfound freedom from the confines of the relationship. However, that doesn't mean they won't eventually regret the breakup.
Subconsciously, they will go on to seek partners with opposite attachment styles. Therefore, dismissive and fearful avoidants tend to settle down with anxious attachment types.
At first an avoidant will go through this period of separation elation and often won't feel your loss until they perceive that you have moved on. At that point they start to reminisce and could potentially start caring if you leave.
Instead, avoidant attachers often dissociate and “flee” from their fear of rejection and closeness. They typically develop a fierce sense of independence as they expect that others will let them down. So to avoid becoming a target, they learn to rely only on themselves.
While the fearful-avoidant can also suffer from rejection sensitivity, it takes center stage when someone displays an anxious-preoccupied style.