Yes, people with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) can become intensely obsessed with someone, often forming a deep, idealized attachment known as a "Favorite Person" (FP), driven by fears of abandonment, emotional dysregulation, and a need for intense connection, leading to powerful idealization, dependency, and sometimes compulsive behaviors like excessive research or "stalker-like" actions. This obsession, sometimes described as limerence, feels addictive, cycling between soaring hopes and crushing disappointments, and is a core feature of BPD's unstable relationships.
Those with BPD can get too reliant on and obsessed with their FP to get out of the relationship but the emotions they experience, simultaneously, are too intense to stay secure and healthy in the relationship. Therefore, they often feel like having no control over the relationship.
People with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) split as a subconscious defense mechanism to cope with overwhelming emotions, particularly fear of abandonment and intense feelings of anxiety, by viewing themselves, others, or situations in black-and-white, all-or-nothing terms (good vs. bad) instead of integrating complex, contradictory qualities. This protects them from pain by simplifying a confusing world, but it leads to rapid shifts between idealizing someone as perfect and devaluing them as terrible, often after minor perceived slights or triggers.
Intense emotions and BPD relationship triggers — like fear of abandonment — may affect relationships, but they don't make love impossible. With therapy, open communication, and support, you can navigate dating in a way that feels safe and fulfilling.
A “Favorite Person” is someone with whom a person with BPD forms an intense emotional attachment. This relationship is often marked by a combination of deep admiration, dependence and fear of abandonment. The FP becomes a central figure in the individual's life, often absorbing much of their emotional energy and focus.
Signs You're Someone's Favorite Person
However, once they switch their feelings and no longer like the person, they continue the pattern of thinking about them and trying to convince others that the person lacks value. Moreover, individuals who experience the loss of their favorite person are at risk of self-harming behaviors and suicidal feelings.
Individuals with BPD can form meaningful and loving relationships with the right treatment and effort. Understanding and patience from partners, family, and friends, along with professional help, can significantly improve their chances of having successful relationships.
Some couples stay together for years, while others find the relationship too volatile to sustain. The BPD relationship cycle is a recurring sequence of emotional highs and lows that can repeat many times unless both partners seek support.
Focus on self-improvement. Focusing on self-improvement can help someone with BPD shift their focus from the favorite person to improving themselves. This can include setting goals, learning new skills, or taking up a hobby. The key is to find activities that promote self-growth and increase self-esteem.
Why BPD Symptoms Peak in Early Adulthood. In the 20s, identity formation and independence conflict with emotional vulnerability. Research shows impulsivity and mood swings occur most frequently between the ages of 18-25.
Some common types of delusions that may occur in individuals with BPD include: Persecutory delusions: Believing that one is being mistreated, harassed, or conspired against by others.
Borderlines will usually end relationships as a form of seeking validation from their partner. The general pattern of BPD behaviour after a break-up sees them waiting for their partner to reach out to them to have their emotional needs met.
People with BPD feel firmly attached to their favorite person and may depend on them for comfort, reassurance, emotional support, and guidance. In many cases, someone with BPD may rely entirely on their favorite person. As a result, they may idealize them and expect them to always be available.
In BPD, hypersexuality can be seen as a maladaptive coping mechanism used to manage intense emotional distress or feelings of emptiness, often associated with the disorder. The temporary relief or pleasure derived from sexual activity can provide a fleeting escape from these uncomfortable feelings.
Sexual, physical or emotional abuse or neglect.
How can I help myself in the longer term?
The "3 C's of BPD" typically refer to advice for loved ones of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, reminding them: "I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, I can't control it," to help set boundaries and avoid taking on undue responsibility for the person's actions or illness. Another set of "C's" describes core BPD traits for individuals: Clinginess (fear of abandonment), Conflict (intense relationships/moods), and Confusion (unstable self-image).
Often, the borderline person is unaware of how they feel when their feelings surface, so they displace their feelings onto others as causing them. They may not realise that their feelings belong within them, so they think that their partner is responsible for hurting them and causing them to feel this way.
Passionate and emotional – When a person with BPD loves, the love is deep, highly committed and loyal to the relationship. Even though there may be struggles with attachment and fears of abandonment, these are ultimately manifestations of love.
Don't…
One of the primary challenges of dating someone with borderline personality disorder is the emotional turmoil and confusion it can bring. Individuals with the disorder may have difficulty regulating their emotions, leading to intense and unpredictable mood swings.
The individual with BPD tends to blame themselves for the breakup, a core part of the borderline personality disorder breakup cycle, and may experience an increase in depression, anxiety, anger and self-harming behaviors.
But there are lots of positive things you can do to support them:
Some common warning signs include intense and rapidly changing emotions, often triggered by seemingly minor events. Individuals with BPD may exhibit impulsive behaviors such as substance abuse, binge eating, or reckless driving.