The tragic reality is that narcissists don't (and can't) love their children in the way that ordinary people do. They will tell you that they do (and most likely they will believe that they do), but their love can only be of the transactional, conditional type, even with their children.
A narcissistic parent will often abuse the normal parental role of guiding their children and being the primary decision maker in the child's life, becoming overly possessive and controlling. This possessiveness and excessive control disempowers the child; the parent sees the child simply as an extension of themselves.
“Narcissistic parents beget kids with a whole host of psychological problems,” Durvasula says. These problems include higher than average rates of depression and anxiety, lack of self-regulation, eating disorders, low self-esteem, an impaired sense of self, substance abuse and perfectionism.
"Narcissists, psychopaths, and sociopaths do not have a sense of empathy," she told Business Insider. "They do not and will not develop a sense of empathy, so they can never really love anyone." This doesn't change when they have children.
Recent studies confirm that narcissistic parents are incapable of truly loving others, even their own children.
A narcissist will put on a good show for court and shout how they have 'the best interests of the child' in mind, but when you look closely, the evidence will say otherwise. Narcissists are incapable of putting anyone's needs before their own, and can often put the child at risk of harm.
Effects of Being Raised by Narcissists
In many instances, children suffered abuse from their NPD parent, and may have even developed symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder. Brunell says, “The child typically suffers from low psychological well-being, such as low self-esteem, depression, and anxiety.
The tragic reality is that narcissists don't (and can't) love their children in the way that ordinary people do. They will tell you that they do (and most likely they will believe that they do), but their love can only be of the transactional, conditional type, even with their children.
Narcissistic parents often cannot cope with complex relationships and may "replace" the child as they enter adolescence and early adulthood. Being rejected and replaced can cause deep-rooted insecurities, as well as lifelong relationship and self-esteem issues.
No one is exempt from narcissistic projection, not even their children. It often comes as a shock to people who have children with pathological narcissists how easily some of them abandon their children. Many narcissistic parents have an emotionally immature worldview.
Children of narcissists often end up in relationships with people who have narcissistic traits. These children feel like they can never be good enough for their partner or themselves, so they become codependent on the other person to make them happy and validate their self-worth.
Cramer (2011) showed that children raised by authoritative and permissive parents (high responsiveness) exhibited more adaptive narcissistic tendencies, such as superiority and grandiosity, whereas children raised by authoritarian parents (low responsiveness) were less likely to exhibit such traits.
Narcissistic parenting isn't about bragging on social media or forcing rigorous extracurricular activities on your kids. It goes a lot deeper, and it's one of the most toxic ways to raise your kids. Narcissistic parents have a hard time allowing their kids to become their own person, or have their own needs met.
Summary: For most people, narcissism wanes as they age. A new study reports the magnitude of the decline of narcissistic traits is tied to specific career and personal relationship choices. However, this is not true for everyone.
Indecision and Guilt
Adult children of narcissistic parents fear that they will hurt someone else by choosing to do what's right for them. They have been 'trained' to consider their parent's needs first and foremost, and it is therefore hard for them to consider their own needs without feeling selfish for doing so.
Some narcissists view their child as an extension of themselves. If the child does not live up to their expectations, they may punish them ruthlessly. Others control their child in a more passive way and expect to be taken care of, even if it is at the expense of the child's well-being.
“You knew I didn't like it, but you still did it to hurt me.” “You only think about yourself.” “You always look for attention.” “You don't deserve everything that I have done for you.”
Narcissistic personality disorder affects more males than females, and it often begins in the teens or early adulthood. Some children may show traits of narcissism, but this is often typical for their age and doesn't mean they'll go on to develop narcissistic personality disorder.
Key points. Narcissists often cultivate the idea that they are “perfect” parents, but neglect is common in narcissistic families. Narcissistic parents may neglect kids' emotional, physical, safety, medical, and/or educational needs.
A mother with narcissistic tendencies is typically overly concerned with her daughter's appearance and achievements and how they reflect back on her, says Lis. As a result, the daughter doesn't learn to be her authentic self.
Indeed, narcissists love the idea of family. They love knowing that they have a reliable support system. They also love knowing that they have people who will enable and even embrace their selfish behavior.
The bottom line is that narcissists can be successful and happy, but it takes a lot of work on their part and the support from those around them who want this success for them too! Narcissists' happiness depends greatly on how much effort they put into maintaining healthy relationships at home or work.
Narcissistic parents often view their children as an extension of themselves and try to control or manipulate them into being who they want them to be. The level of manipulation, brainwashing, demoralizing, and self-esteem destruction that a narcissistic parent inflicts upon a child is sadistic.
Narcissistic partners act as if they are always right, that they know better and that their partner is wrong or incompetent. This often leaves the other person in the relationship either angry and trying to defend themselves or identifying with this negative self-image and feeling badly about themselves.
Many describe their childhood as one of being a “verbal punching bag” for their brother or sister, cruelty which often remains hidden to parents as the narcissistic child endeavours to maintain the appearance of perfection to authority figures.