People with ADHD are not inherently emotionally distant; in fact, they often experience emotions very intensely. However, certain ADHD symptoms and common coping mechanisms can make them appear detached or unfeeling to others.
If you have ADHD, handling your emotions might feel a bit like this. You may be calm and happy one moment. Then, without any warning, a small trigger can flip your emotions from “green” to “red.” Dealing with these unpredictable emotions is challenging, but they don't make you a bad person.
Inattentive ADHD is a type of ADHD where children have a hard time paying attention but don't have hyperactive behavior. Kids with this type of ADHD are often overlooked because they don't fit the stereotype of a kid who acts out and can't sit still.
“Kids with ADHD often have difficulty recognizing their own emotions. Partly that's because their emotions can be so strong that they don't recognize more mild emotions. Also, they often avoid their emotions, because they've learned that emotions lead to bad things,” Rosen said.
Difficulty making friends: People with ADHD may unintentionally interrupt conversations or seem distant, which can make it harder to form connections. Challenges with emotional regulation: People with ADHD often have strong emotional responses that others may misunderstand.
Often, emotional regulation is also more difficult for people with ADHD. When they are overwhelmed by intense negative feelings, they may shut down because they find it too difficult to process their emotions.
The 20-minute rule for ADHD is a productivity strategy to overcome task paralysis by committing to work on a task for just 20 minutes, leveraging the brain's need for dopamine and short bursts of focus, making it easier to start and build momentum, with the option to stop or continue after the timer goes off, and it's a variation of the Pomodoro Technique, adapted for ADHD's unique challenges like time blindness. It helps by reducing overwhelm, providing a clear starting point, and creating a dopamine-boosting win, even if you only work for that short period.
The ADHD "30% Rule" is a guideline suggesting that executive functions (like self-regulation, planning, and emotional control) in people with ADHD develop about 30% slower than in neurotypical individuals, meaning a 10-year-old might function more like a 7-year-old in these areas, requiring adjusted expectations for maturity, task management, and behavior. It's a tool for caregivers and adults with ADHD to set realistic goals, not a strict scientific law, helping to reduce frustration by matching demands to the person's actual developmental level (executive age) rather than just their chronological age.
ADHD Brain in Complete Emotional Numbness
In this phase, I don't feel emotions at all. There is no sadness, there is no happiness, there is no attraction, there is no aversion. I don't have a connection to things around me, and if something catastrophic happens, I doubt I'd be able to find some tears.
We found that a significant proportion of ADHD patients suffered from NPD, and that both narcissistic grandiosity and vulnerability were associated with ADHD hyperactivity and impulsivity symptoms, but not with inattentive symptoms.
Atypical Presentation of ADHD Symptoms
Sleep disturbances (has trouble with sleep initiation, sleep deprived, can't wake up easily, etc.) Weak executive function (poor recall of information, internalizing language, controlling emotions, problem-solving, etc.)
The ADHD burnout cycle is a pattern where constant effort to manage ADHD symptoms (like executive dysfunction, overstimulation, and masking) leads to extreme mental/physical exhaustion, a "crash," and a shame spiral, often followed by trying to overcompensate again, repeating the cycle. It involves phases like the initial push/overcompensation, the struggle/stress, the collapse/shutdown, and the guilt-ridden recovery attempt, resulting in fatigue, irritability, procrastination, and disengagement from life.
Differences in emotions in people with ADHD can lead to 'shutdowns', where someone is so overwhelmed with emotions that they space out, may find it hard to speak or move and may struggle to articulate what they are feeling until they can process their emotions.
The 10-3 rule for ADHD is a productivity strategy involving 10 minutes of focused work followed by a 3-minute break, designed to match the ADHD brain's need for short bursts of effort, making tasks less overwhelming and procrastination easier to manage by building momentum with quick, structured intervals. It helps individuals with ADHD ease into tasks, offering a tangible goal (10 mins) and an immediate reward (3 mins) to keep focus without burnout, often incorporating movement or preferred activities during breaks.
This can result in tantrum-like behaviour that some compare to a metaphorical volcanic eruption. Symptoms of an ADHD meltdown include: Physical reactions like feet stomping, clenching fists, or throwing objects. Making loud noises including yelling and screaming.
The classic symptom of ADHD, inattention, can also be a sign of depression. If you experience this symptom, you might seem withdrawn, detached, and disconnected from others.
Non-traditional Physical Affection: For some with ADHD, their means of physical affection might be unique or non-traditional. They might show their affection through playful nudges, high fives, or even through non-contact means like making you a cup of coffee exactly the way you like it.
To complicate things, even if you think you have been rejected, or you think you will be rejected in the future with ADHD, you can feel this sense of distress. People with ADHD may therefore respond very negatively if they are criticised or ignored, or if they think they have been criticised or ignored.
Increase stress relief by exercising outdoors—people with ADHD often benefit from sunshine and green surroundings. Try relaxing forms of exercise, such as mindful walking, yoga, or tai chi. In addition to relieving stress, they can teach you to better control your attention and impulses.
The ADHD "2-Minute Rule" suggests doing any task taking under two minutes immediately to build momentum, but it often backfires by derailing focus due to weak working memory, time blindness, and transition difficulties in people with ADHD. A better approach is to write down these quick tasks on a separate "catch-all" list instead of interrupting your main work, then schedule specific times to review and tackle them, or use a slightly longer timeframe like a 5-minute rule to prevent getting lost down "rabbit holes".
For adults, 7-8 hours is recommended. Try to avoid napping during the day. Optimise your sleep environment. Make sure your environment is quiet, calm and comfortable.
💙 ADHD shutdown is a mental freeze triggered by overwhelm, leaving you unable to start tasks, make decisions, or interact with others — often described as paralysis, a freeze, or a neurological pause.