But, although agentic grandiose narcissists come across as very confident and satisfied with themselves, some psychologists have suggested that they don't actually feel as good about themselves as they appear.
Narcissists generally dislike spending too much time alone. They crave attention from others because it provides them with validation. But they can also be introverted and enjoy their own solitude. Whether they want to be alone at a given moment varies based on their mood, desires, and current connections to others.
"Narcissism has never been about self-love – it is almost entirely about self-loathing." It's long been established that there are two types of narcissists: "vulnerable" ones, who have low self-esteem and crave affirmation, and "grandiose" ones, who have a genuinely overinflated sense of self.
However, research indicates that unlike Narcissus staring at himself reflecting in the pool, many narcissists actually aren't in love with themselves after all. Quite the opposite, in fact. Much of the time, a narcissist's behaviour isn't driven by self-love – rather, self-hatred.
Narcissists lack inner self-worth, so they rely upon others to feed their narcissistic supply. They need to be validated and adored in order to feel good about themselves.
This is especially the case with unsolicited and seemingly inappropriate niceness. Narcissists are very nice until they don't get their way. They are great charmers and can get most people to do and accept things that they wouldn't in their wildest dreams imagine themselves doing or accepting.
People who narcissists have hurt suffer, and so do the narcissist themselves. The best way to work toward less suffering in the world is by seeing the victim in the villain so everyone can have a chance at happiness. Laura Silverstein is a mental health professional with a passion for bridging differences.
For agentic grandiose narcissists and communal grandiose narcissists, the answer appears to be yes. And vulnerable narcissists, who freely admit to feeling bad about themselves, are not exaggerating; they really do feel bad about themselves.
In other words, narcissistic perfectionists see themselves as special and as unique, and these individuals demand perfection of those around them in a very critical way.
It is because of this that they may find it difficult to understand other people's feelings or perspectives, a self-centredness that can cause them to act selfishly and exploit others for their own gain. “As narcissists do not have empathy, they are not able to genuinely care or love you,” explains Davey.
Narcissists can feel emotional pain, but not usually in the same way as others. The emotional pain they may feel is usually related to underlying selfish needs. Underneath the displays of superiority and sense of entitlement, they often feel empty, powerless, and shameful, which they perceive as weakness.
Not only are narcissists more likely to produce selfies, the very act of taking selfies alone makes people more narcissistic. Results from a longitudinal study show an increase in the subsequent levels of narcissism in people who photograph themselves more often.
Narcissists are motivated by feeling superior and expanding their power, and so the only things that matter when helping others are receiving adulation, fame, influence, opportunities, notoriety, and other resources. They dont actually care about others because to them other people are just things to use.
Not all people with narcissism are unhappy, but many can't find contentment when they aren't the center of attention. They may seem unhappy or insecure unless they get their way and receive praise.
Signs of Narcissistic Depression
Someone may be experiencing narcissistic depression if, in addition to having depression symptoms, they are hostile towards others (vs. toward themselves), destructive interpersonally, and feel a temporary alleviation of symptoms with increased social contact.
For a narcissist to be happy, you'll always have to accept their version of events as the truth. Otherwise, you'll be on the receiving end of their narcissistic rage. Even if you do everything they ask, a narcissist will still try and undermine you at every opportunity.
The researchers found that while many narcissists may perceive themselves as highly intelligent, critical thinkers, they are less likely to use important reflective thinking strategies when solving problems, Therefore, the high levels of confidence they have in their intellectual abilities are often misplaced.
Most of the time they won't even think about you and you know why: They're too busy spinning their web to snare the next unsuspecting spider. They lack a psychological trait known as Object Constancy, so they can't stay emotionally connected to someone who is not physically close.
An injured narcissist will go into a narcissistic rage and self-sabotage relationships with their loved ones or at work in order to preserve their false self at all cost. They will hold the critic in contempt and view them as a threat for their survival.
It is common for people with a narcissistic personality disorder to regret discarding or losing someone, but it does not mean what you might think. If they feel regret, it is not because they hurt you. It is for losing something that they value. You are a possession, not a real person.
Narcissists have high self-esteem. But unlike individuals with a secure sense of high self-esteem, narcissists have what researchers call “fragile high self-esteem“. It is a form of high self-esteem dependent on external validation and self-deception.
Some narcissists may be able to feel bad about something they've done to hurt someone else. It isn't guilt they feel, so much as regret (or even anger) that things happened the way they did. But any “remorse” they feel is likely to be about how that behavior affected them rather than how it affected the victim.
Narcissists are not into growing old gracefully — they fight against it with everything they've got. Any lessons or wisdom that might be gained from the aging process is lost on the narcissist. Older narcissists tend to act as if they were children, complete with tantrums when they don't get their way.
Narcissists can love, but this superficial and momentary affection serves as a way to get what they want from others. While their role as caring partners, parents, or friends may appear genuine, a lack of empathy and devotion to themselves renders narcissists unable to develop meaningful relationships.