A narcissist will often attempt to make their divorce as difficult as possible as a way of maintaining control. Based on prior actions and behavior patterns, you may feel discouraged or intimidated regarding how to negotiate a divorce settlement with a narcissist.
Finding out you want a divorce can also make a narcissist feel like they have failed, which could cause them to lash out. They will likely retaliate by trying to belittle you, expose your flaws, and show the court why you “were never good enough” for them.
Every narcissist needs a supply, someone willing to stick around and put up with their behavior on the good and especially their worst days. They typically won't suggest breaking up or divorcing because they know how badly they need a supply source to feed into their ego.
One way to outsmart a narcissist in a divorce is to try to anticipate their next move. You can do this by taking what might seem like extraordinary measures to protect yourself. For example, this might mean talking through a map of all possible vulnerabilities that you have.
Narcissists are notoriously difficult to divorce. They often use their partner's emotional needs against them, dragging out the process for as long as possible.
Document Everything
A narcissist thrives on your confusion and self-doubt. If they can trap you in a “lie,” they will. If you are going up against a narcissist in court, it is essential that you start documenting everything now. Keep records, bank statements, invoices, photos and videos.
A narcissist will commonly try to incite guilt and shame. They may spin the narrative to blame their partner for why the relationship failed. This maintains their grandiose perception of themselves and gives them the leverage to try and convince others to empathize with them.
They will often deploy a variety of narcissistic relationship patterns such as manipulation, charismatic, and exploitational tactics in order to ensure that their own needs and wants are met. As a spouse, you may be the subject of their manipulation and abuse, while your partner treats everyone else positively.
Some people get married to narcissists and stay with them for years, while others leave or are left after a few weeks or months. As long as the narcissist is getting their needs met by their partner or the partner does not find a way to leave, the relationship will continue.
Negotiating with a narcissist can be a difficult task as they tend to be highly self-centered and may not be willing to consider other perspectives. Your goal is to keep the negotiation moving without setting them off. If you set them off, then the negotiation is over.
Even if it's important to use flattery tactics and give concessions when negotiating with a narcissist, remember to always stand firm on what you want. Don't lose your sense of self by giving too many concessions to a narcissist. Remember: the goal is not to satisfy them. The goal is to win.
A narcissist will often refuse to compromise because they don't want you to "win," so it's unlikely that you'll be able to settle your case out of court. Expect a high-conflict case that will last a year or more.
Someone with NPD is generally competitive and hates to lose. Many times, they will do whatever it takes to “win” a divorce, whether that means getting as much money as possible or seeking full custody over children. You should anticipate this type of response beforehand to prepare yourself emotionally.
The narcissist chooses to marry the person they believe they can have the most control over. This isn't meant to victim blame and to say the partner or spouse has done anything wrong. The narcissist knows that other people are caring and want to please, so they look for people that have these qualities.
Meaning that when a narcissistic marriage ends, so does all of the narcissistic supply that it was creating! To protect their emotional stability from their painful thoughts, feelings, and emotions, a narcissist will remarry as quickly as possible.
But what many people don't realize is that these relationships are also some of the most likely to end in divorce. In fact, research has shown that nearly 60% of all marriages to narcissists – male or female – end in divorce.
If you suspect your narcissistic partner is cheating, explore your emotions and response options before confronting them. Keep in mind that they may employ tactics like gaslighting, denial, defensiveness, or even become abusive, so this encounter may not go well if you're hoping to work things out.
Narcissists can feel emotional pain, but not usually in the same way as others. The emotional pain they may feel is usually related to underlying selfish needs. Underneath the displays of superiority and sense of entitlement, they often feel empty, powerless, and shameful, which they perceive as weakness.
Although most narcissists seem to attempt reconciliation a few times before suddenly disappearing, most eventually stop and proceed with an abrupt separation or divorce. There are several significant reasons as to why they do this.
A narcissistic person often continually invalidates other's feelings. Eventually the person doubts most of what he or she feels and thinks. A narcissist distorts a person's empathy and introspectiveness, making him or her think they are character flaws instead of gifts.
You can trigger narcissistic rage by putting the narcissist in a position of looking bad. Narcissists do not take criticism well. Gather witnesses who have seen your narcissistic ex behaving badly. This could include family, friends, co-works, teachers.
When confronted with facts, the person will likely allow their true nature to come out. A judge can see firsthand the combative, abusive, and controlling nature of the narcissistic parent.
As a narcissist is motivated by self-interest and a desire for power, they may see financial gain as a reason to stay married to their partner. This could include maintaining access to their spouse's income, assets, or resources, or avoiding the financial consequences of a divorce settlement.