Asking for help often makes people feel uneasy because it requires surrendering control to someone else. “There are some people who really have a hard time with that piece of it,” she says. Another fear is being perceived as needy. “We don't want to be ashamed of our situation, or come across as incompetent,” she says.
You may also struggle to accept help if you feel like you don't deserve it. If you struggle with low self-esteem, you might feel guilty for accepting help or worry about imposing on others. This can cause you to bottle up your feelings and endure problems on your own, rather than ask for the help you need.
As a matter of personal pride, they might feel that to take what you're offering them would be to admit inferiority, inadequacy, dependency, or defeat. And such a reaction could be the case whether you're proposing a financial gift or loan, or concrete assistance with something they're struggling with.
In short: betrayal and abandonment. People who refuse to accept help don't want to be in debt. It could be that at some point they faced strong reproach from someone who provided them help. This resembles counter-dependency, which is typically derived from being abandoned or neglected as a child.
Some people may fear that asking for help would make them appear incompetent, weak, or inferior – recent research from Stanford doctoral student Kayla Good finds that children as young as seven can hold this belief. Some people are concerned about being rejected, which can be embarrassing and painful.
Being unable to ask for help is related to low self-esteem. That's because an individual with low self-esteem undervalues and neglects their own needs and puts other people's needs before their own. People with low self-esteem are often very hard on themselves.
So in not asking for help when you need it most, you're depriving the people in your life the opportunity to give back to you. In any relationship, the give and take needs to be equal. Asking for help every once in awhile will enrich your relationships in a more authentic, balanced, and intimate way.
The word for someone who refuses help and advice is "stubborn."
It is okay to give but not to receive
A lot of people who selflessly give of themselves helping others have trouble accepting help. From their perspective, it is okay to give but not to receive. It is their role to help when other people need them, but it is not alright to receive help.
Certainly, men don't want unwieldy medical or mental health problems, so why the struggle to ask for help? Men associate seeking assistance for a psychological or emotional problem with shame or weakness. [3] It is sad, but true. Admitting a problem and seeking help is perceived as being weak.
But the weakness in asking for help is in not asking for it. Asking for help shows signs of strength, confidence, and resourcefulness. In a world where people expect problems to be solved fast, surrounding yourself with people who can help you in different situations is highly valuable.
When we allow people to be kind to us, we feel closer to them, and they feel closer to us. We let them express their feeling for us, rather than shutting them out. This deepens our connection to that person and creates a stronger mutual support system, in which the give and take can feel natural and equal.
They're never around in difficult times
So, being too busy, citing excuses, or flaking out on you every time you need help or support is one of the unmistakable signs your friend doesn't truly care about you.
When you don't ask for help, you're not only at risk for making a reputation-ruining mistake, but you prompt people to believe you don't know what you're doing (and that you don't know when to ask the right questions).
Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is one of several personality disorders. People with this condition have an inflated idea of themselves and a need for lots of attention from other people. It's human nature to be selfish and boastful now and then, but true narcissists take it to an extreme.
Asking for help is a great way to practice being authentic and vulnerable, which allows us to have empathy for and with other human beings. I define authenticity as honesty without self-righteousness and with vulnerability. When we ask for help, we put ourselves out there.
Celebrate your strengths. Practice self-gratitude by listing what you're grateful for in your life each day. Forgive yourself. Accept your weaknesses and imperfections, and know that acceptance simply means that you're accepting that something is a reality without passing judgement on it.
Asking for Help is Not a Cowardly Act
This is why it takes true courage to “stand up” or “stand out” and – ask for help. Despite all the evidence to the contrary, many still view asking for help as a cowardly act, and yet, the reality is it takes real courage to take the risk and admit that we cannot do it on our own.
Asking for help, admitting our limitations and being willing to be vulnerable makes us real and allows others the space to be real around us too. And this ends up making us all much stronger in the long run. Take charge of your career development to get the job that supports your work and your life.