It Is Hard to Get Over a Narcissist Because You Are Emotionally Invested In Them. Letting go of the thoughts, feelings, emotions, and needs that you have invested into the narcissist in your life is one of the most challenging parts of healing and rebuilding yourself after narcissistic abuse.
It is challenging and exhausting being romantically involved with a narcissist, but they can also cause havoc when they leave. Breakups are always hard, but when you've been in a relationship with someone who uses others and is obsessed with themselves, it can be even harder.
Additionally, if it wasn't their decision to leave, they cannot tolerate rejection. Due to their underlying shame and insecurity, they find it humiliating. Rather than accept you “quit,” they go on the offense and “fire” you.
Choosing To Stay With A Narcissist
Durvasula: There are so many reasons why people can't leave narcissistic relationships. Financial reasons, cultural reasons, they have children, religion, fear, anxiety, and that they still actually love the elements of this person, they want to be married.
They will never truly be happy because they don't have the emotional capacity for it. They can only play games and try to put others down. Show them you're living your best life without them, and they'll experience their own version of heartbreak.
Once a person with NPD realizes their partner wants to leave them, they opt for narcissistic mind games. They aim to confuse, cause guilt and change the mind of their partners to make things work for them. They also want to get the upper hand and get back at their ex for leaving them.
Do Narcissists Also Feel the Trauma Bond? Abusive narcissists likely do feel the bond too, but differently. It's so confusing for anyone in a relationship with a narcissist who's abusive to understand why they continue to hurt them, even when they say they love them.
The narcissist uses these normal human reactions to guilt-trip the victim into staying. We Know They Will Lie – The narcissist will turn family against the victim, lie to loved ones, and do whatever it takes to prevent them from leaving. This fear can keep the victim feeling stuck.
Leaving a narcissist is similar to breaking a heroin addiction. It is painful and difficult, but in the end, you get your life back. In order to get yourself through the hardest parts of the initial break, you must allow yourself to experience the discomfort and anxiety, and let yourself grieve your loss.
If a narcissist is interested in you, you might notice that they shower you with admiration and attention shortly after you meet them. They might be quick to say “I love you,” put you on a pedestal, and make grand romantic gestures.
Narcissists are the masters of emotional manipulation. They will try to control your thoughts and desires. Making future promises and emotional blackmail are two forms of manipulation but gaslighting is most common. Manipulation causes confusion, low self-esteem, anxiety, shame, and guilt.
Studies show that narcissists are more likely to get divorced than people who do not have a narcissistic personality disorder. However, if you can handle the challenges of being married to a narcissist and can find ways to make your relationship work, you may have a very happy marriage.
Narcissists simply do not make good partners. You may hold on to the fantasy that if you shore them up enough, they will eventually get around to taking care of you, too. Unfortunately, more often than not, this won't be the case.
Narcissists hate losing their supply of attention, so they won't let you go easily. Prepare for them to promise "to change." They might suddenly start doing things for you that you'd been complaining about. They may say "you'll be lost without me," or "you'll never find someone like me." Don't listen, Orloff advises.
Whatever the reasons for starting the relationship, it will eventually end. Narcissists tire of their victims when they've exhausted their supply of care, money, or whatever else they were after. As quickly as they entered your life, they leave it, which can leave the victim incredibly confused, broken, and lost.
"Narcissists are primed to be abusive because they're so hypersensitive, and they don't have empathy, and they don't have object constancy," Greenberg said. "So they are primed to take offence and be abusive and not really understand... It's a lot of work for the non-narcissistic mate."
Once they don't need you to fuel their ego anymore, a narcissist will discard and abandon you. Also, if you decide to stand for yourself, set boundaries, and ask for reciprocity, a narcissist will discard you with no apology, empathy, or remorse.