Ghosting is a signal of a weak or strained connection. Ghosting is a big red flag that we might be losing someone we love or someone we wanted to love. If someone ghosts you, they are either playing a game or they don't care about you right now.
Despite ghosting being normalized, it's more about the problem the ghoster is having than it is about you. Ghosting says a lot about the person in many different ways. For instance, it could say that they lacked the courage to do the right thing by explaining why they could no longer continue a relationship with you.
In personal relationships
People primarily ghost in relationships as a way of avoiding emotional discomfort they are having in a relationship, and are generally not thinking of how it will make the person they are ghosting feel.
Ghosting doesn't just impact the ghosted; it also is a detriment to the ghoster. The bottom line here is that ghosting is either a passive aggressive way to end a relationship, or it is the “easy way out.” Either way, it's not doing the ghoster any favors in their ability to communicate with others.
Why Ghosting Is Toxic. There are several reasons why ghosting someone isn't just rude — it's toxic. Second, ghosting is disrespectful. It shows no regard for the other person's time and energy.
Ghosting takes away the opportunity to talk and process, which can allow healing. But without conversation, it can cause someone to question their worth, what they did wrong and did the person ever really like them. This can lead to trauma and other severe emotions like depression or anxiety.”
And last, ghosting is noted as an emotionally cold, if not abusive, way of terminating relationships, so those who are characterized by dispositional callousness, like those high in psychopathy, may engage in ghosting.
Ghosting can hurt people.
It can make someone feel disrespected, disposable, and unimportant. It is a cruel form of rejection that many people do not know how to deal with when it happens. The person who is being ghosted is given no explanation, reason, or understanding of why the communication came to a halt.
"While for some people it is a lack of empathy [that causes them to ghost], for other people, they're just putting their own emotional needs first, so you can view it as selfish," Ruskin said.
Counselling psychologist Catherine Mbau says that ghosting is essentially emotional cruelty. “You want someone to worry about you cutting communication without any basis,” she says. Ghosting, she adds, is toxic – especially to the person being ghosted: it leaves them worried, distraught, anxious: without closure.
Ghosting is a form of emotional abuse using “the silent treatment.” It means disappearing without a trace or cutting all responses without a reason and with no warning. Even when the “ghostee” tries to contact the person who ghosted them for an explanation or for closure, they receive no response.
Gaslighting is a manipulation tactic that abusers use to make you question your own reality, thus absolving them of responsibility. Ghostlighting is the combination of both: ghosting someone, then denying it. The aim is to make you question whether you were mistreated instead of taking responsibility.
Most of them considered it a viable strategy because it was easy, avoided confrontation and seemed more polite than a hard, direct rejection,” says Christina Leckfor, the study's lead author. However, the study concluded that ghosting's impact on mental health is worse than open rejection.
After ghosting a partner, 65% of ghosters feel anxiety, awkwardness and guilt. This may vary from concerns of running into the ghostee in the future to simply hurting someone's feelings.
The act of ghosting is a power move that someone with narcissistic personality disorder may use. There are many reasons why someone might ghost you. It may be because they lost interest and want to avoid the conflict of telling you this personally.
While every relationship is different, three days is enough time to consider yourself ghosted.
So the ghosting in this case is actually a manipulative tactic like an extended “silent treatment” which is used to push you away and then pull you back.
Not every ghoster who does hoovering will turn out to be a narcissist. The key is to generally identify this person's motives and intentions. While we cannot read their minds, we can make do with what they previously did. If they previously harmed you in any capacity, this is a no-go situation.
Some ghosters felt relief depending on the kind of relationship they were in and their reasons for breaking it off. But many ghosters felt guilty for doing so, too, both at the time of ghosting and when the study was conducted (after they had ghosted the person in question).
The study found that ghosting can have negative consequences for ghosters. In the first survey, those who reported having ghosted friends showed increased depressive feelings at the second measurement point. However, ghosting romantic partners did not appear to increase depressive feelings in ghosters.
They genuinely miss you.
Some exes ghost because they think there's a better option out there, but then quickly find they missed the steady, happy relationship they had before. Ghosters like that might be asking for a new chance.
'What's so challenging about ghosting, is that you have an expectation of hearing back and then you don't,' Ury explains. 'So it's also the pain of expectations not meeting reality, and it's a form of rejection, because it's someone inadvertently saying they don't want to be with you. '
Ghosting is selfish
Ghosting abruptly ends a relationship without any explanation or formal goodbye. This form of cowardly behaviour can be employed in any relationship, not just romantic ones. Although ghosts may think that ghosting is a way of avoiding any potential confrontation or awkwardness, it is not.
So yes, ghosting can cause trauma and have a significant impact on your mental health. It can lead to feelings of rejection, low self-worth, and anxiety. Depending on the circumstances, ghosting can be considered a form of emotional abuse and can open old wounds or create new ones that need to be addressed.