Autistic people struggle with eye contact because it's often sensory overwhelming, distracting, and cognitively demanding, feeling intense like bright lights, interfering with listening, and triggering the brain's threat system. Rather than being a sign of disinterest, avoiding eye contact can be an adaptive coping mechanism, allowing them to focus on processing information, manage anxiety, and feel safer in social situations.
In many western societies, eye contact is encouraged as a sign of attentiveness and respect. However, for many in the Autistic community, it may feel anything but natural or comfortable, and is often marked by discomfort or overstimulation rather than ease.
When someone is in a state of high anxiety or flooded with sensory input the brain can become overwhelmed and demand a fight, flight, or freeze response from the body. In autistic people this can result in a meltdown (the equivalent of the 'fight' response) which is often mistaken for a temper tantrum.
They might help you with tasks, fix things for you, or offer practical assistance. These actions are their way of showing care and affection, often speaking louder than words. By doing things that make your life easier or more pleasant, they demonstrate their love and commitment.
People with autism have a lot of problems with perception, social cues, communication, have zero empathy (which is needed in a healthy relationship), can become manipulative and self centered. They do not see your point of view on anything. The relationship is usually one sided. They also lash out regularly.
Around 90% of autism cases are attributed to genetic factors, meaning autism is highly heritable, with many different genes contributing, rather than a single cause, often interacting with environmental influences during early brain development, though specific environmental factors don't cause it but can increase risk. Twin studies show strong genetic links, with concordance rates between 60-90% in identical twins, and research points to complex interactions of many genes and prenatal/perinatal factors.
The "6-second rule" for autism is a communication strategy where a speaker pauses for about six seconds after asking a question or giving information, giving the autistic person extra time to process it without feeling rushed, which helps reduce anxiety and allows for a more thoughtful response, reducing frustration for both parties. Instead of repeating or rephrasing, which can be confusing, you wait, and if needed, repeat the exact same words after the pause.
Red Flag 1: They Use Your Autism Against You
If you get overwhelmed easily and have trouble thinking clearly when your emotions are high, and your partner forces arguments or big decisions in these moments, they might be manipulating you.
Top 10 Calming Strategies for Autism
"Looping" in autism, often called "autism looping," is a non-clinical term for getting stuck in repetitive thought patterns, questions, or phrases, like a broken record, often due to anxiety, sensory overload, or a need for resolution, making it hard to switch focus and causing stress, overlapping with perseveration and rumination. It can manifest as replaying conversations, worrying intensely, or repeating sounds/words (echolalia) as a way to process or self-regulate.
Autistic individuals often have a lower life expectancy due to co-occurring conditions like epilepsy, mental health challenges, limited access to quality healthcare, and higher risk of accidents. Social factors like isolation, poverty, and inadequate support also contribute to early mortality.
Autistic Shutdown
Sometimes, your child may withdraw and stop talking. They might speak less than usual or not at all. They may lose interest in their favorite things and want to be alone. This can happen after a hard time with many meltdowns, big emotions or too much noise and activity.
Examples of masking in autistic women
Due to their giftedness being overlooked or receiving inadequate support, gifted children frequently display behaviors that closely resemble symptoms of various psychological syndromes such as attention deficit disorder (ADD/ADHD), autism spectrum disorder (ASD), depression, narcissism, or oppositional defiant disorder ...
Staring spells are a common occurrence in individuals with autism spectrum disorder (ASD). These spells can be categorized as either "absence seizures" or "non-epileptic spells." However, diagnosing and distinguishing between these two types of spells can be challenging, especially in children with ASD.
Slow Down. Another thing that's important to do when you experience conflict is slow down and take deep breaths. Fights happen so fast and can easily trigger intense emotional responses that make conflict worse. It actually can be helpful to even ask for some time to process how you are feeling.
They are an involuntary, visceral response and feel like a loss of control by the person having one. An autistic adult may express this loss of control by crying, screaming or physically lashing out. Or they may lock themself in a room, run away or shut down, even lose basic skills like their ability to speak.
Small changes
Reaching to one's own forehead in response to a marked mirror image has traditionally been conceptualized as an important, initial measure of self awareness (the mirror self recognition test, or MSR, e.g. Gallup, 1970) and it typically emerges between the ages of 18 and 24 months (Bertenthal and Fischer, 1978).
In such cases, they may show love by doing something rather than saying something in unique ways. People with autism may show their love by: sharing their special interest. allowing someone into their space.
Main signs of autism
Chinning is a form of repetitive self-stimulatory behavior (stimming) that you may notice in children or adults with autism. It involves pressing, rubbing, or holding the chin against objects, surfaces, or even hands to gain sensory input or comfort.
There's no single "hardest" age for autism; challenges shift across developmental stages, with preschool (2-5) often tough due to noticeable differences in social/language skills, elementary (6-10) marked by growing academic/social demands, and adolescence (11-17) frequently being overwhelming due to complex social pressures, puberty, and identity formation, say Bluebell ABA Therapy and Blossom ABA Therapy. While early childhood (ages 3-6) sees initial progress for many, this often stalls around age six, a critical turning point where increased support is crucial, according to research, notes The Transmitter.
In general, people who have an active lifestyle are much more emotionally resilient and focused. There also seems to be some evidence that physical exercise helps people with depression and ADHD, which are commonly co-occurring conditions with autism.