Your girlfriend pushing and pulling likely stems from an internal conflict between wanting closeness and fearing intimacy, often rooted in past trauma, abandonment issues, low self-worth, or attachment fears, causing her to oscillate between seeking connection and creating distance as a defense mechanism. This pattern can also be a reaction to feeling pressured, unresolved relationship issues, or even a way to test the relationship's strength, leading to an emotionally turbulent cycle.
Push-pull in terms of emotional relevancy just means she feels a lot of things from and more importantly for you. A wide range of emotions. Extreme joy, happiness, sadness, somber, seriousness, confusion, tension, etc. If she feels things for you you're on the sex radar.
3-6-9 rule is 3 months honeymoon phase of the relationship 6 months is conflict stage, 9 months is the decision phase is this really worth pursuing or not.
A push-pull dynamic can create havoc in a relationship and cause ongoing stress for both people involved. That fairy tale of the perfect connection can often turn into endless turmoil, explosive drama...and a lot of pushing and pulling.
If you think your relationship might be unhealthy or you aren't sure, take a look below to find several common warning signs in unhealthy relationships.
Your partner may treat you as less than, or unintelligent. They may ignore your opinions or make subtle remarks like “you wouldn't be able to understand” or “women are too emotional”. Another red flag is if your partner makes you feel incapable or dependent on them.
The 5-5-5 rule in marriage is a mindfulness and communication tool that encourages couples to pause and ask themselves: Will this matter in 5 minutes, 5 days, or 5 years? It's designed to help de-escalate conflict and shift focus to what truly matters.
Characteristics of Push-Pull Dynamics
Connection: The couple feels close and in sync, with the anxious partner's need for closeness seemingly met. Withdrawal: The avoidant partner starts to feel overwhelmed and begins to pull away, triggering fear and insecurity in the anxious partner.
survived the dreaded two-year mark (i.e. the most common time period when couples break up), then you're destined to be together forever… right? Unfortunately, the two-year mark isn't the only relationship test to pass, nor do you get to relax before the seven-year itch.
The 6-6-6 rule refers to men who are 6 feet tall, have six-pack abs and make over six figures.
A date night every 7 days An overnight trip every 7 weeks A vacation (kid free) every 7 months.
The most destructive relationship behaviours are those the Gottmann Institute has deemed the 'Four Horsemen' – criticism, defensiveness, contempt (eye-rolling, disgust, dismissal or ridiculing), stonewalling, and the silent treatment. Of these, contempt has been shown to be the greatest predictor of divorce.
How to mend push-pull relationships
Quiet quitting is when one partner stops investing time and effort into the relationship without officially ending it.
Unhealthy Relationship Characteristics:
Symptoms of poisoning may include:
But it does provide some rough guidelines as to how soon may be too soon to make long-term commitments and how long may be too long to stick with a relationship. Each of the three numbers—three, six, and nine—stands for the month that a different common stage of a relationship tends to end.
Due to their desire for closeness, yet simultaneous fear of it, someone with a disorganized attachment style may display a push and pull energy in their relationships.
Contempt. Of all the predictive factors, contempt is the most prominent one. Based on extensive research, Dr Gottman names the 'Four Horsemen' or four communication habits that are the best predictors of divorce.
“Pocketing” is when one partner in a relationship avoids introducing the other to their friends or family. This can prevent a relationship from evolving and make a pocketed individual feel unfulfilled and isolated.