People with anxiety push others away as a defense mechanism, driven by deep-seated fears of rejection, abandonment, or inadequacy, making vulnerability feel risky and leading to self-sabotaging behaviors like emotional withdrawal, irritability, or creating distance to avoid potential hurt, even when they crave connection. It's a subconscious attempt to control outcomes or protect themselves from perceived threats, creating a paradox where their desire for closeness leads to pushing people away.
In an attempt to avoid abandonment, an anxious attacher may become clingy, hypervigilant, and jealous in a relationship. They are often overwhelmed by the fear of being alone, so they do whatever they can within their power to hold on to their relationship.
Avoidance and Emotional Distance
Some people with anxiety disorders swing in the opposite direction and try to cope by shutting down or pushing others away. You may find it hard to open up and be vulnerable with your partner, fearing their judgment, criticism, or rejection.
What Not To Say to Someone With Anxiety Disorder
Symptoms
Here are some common symptoms of anxiety:
To be diagnosed with GAD, a person must find it difficult to control worry on most days for at least 6 months. They must also have at least three of these symptoms: feeling restless or “on edge,” fatigue, trouble concentrating, irritability, muscle tension, or problems with sleep.
Panic is the most severe form of anxiety. You may start to avoid certain situations because you fear they'll trigger another attack. This can create a cycle of living "in fear of fear". It can add to your sense of panic and may cause you to have more attacks.
Exposure to a stressful work, education, or community environment - for example, experiencing bullying, harassment, or discrimination in any of these environments which can lead to ongoing anxiety (in particular for women and marginalised communities).
How To Help Your Anxious Partner — And Yourself
Be Mindful of Emotional Withdrawal
Anxiety can make people pull away, go quiet, or seem emotionally distant. You might feel like they're shutting you out. But more often than not, it's not about you—it's about what's happening inside their mind. In those moments, try not to take it personally.
Chronic muscle tension represents one of the most common physical manifestations of high functioning anxiety. This tension often concentrates in the shoulders, neck, and jaw, creating a persistent state of physical constriction that can lead to headaches, soreness, and even temporomandibular joint (TMJ) issues.
A panic or anxiety attack can cause physical symptoms such as a rapid heartbeat, sweating, shaking, dizziness, and trouble breathing. If you have them often, talk to your doctor about whether therapy or medication could help you. You can also learn to calm yourself with breathing and relaxation techniques.
But it does provide some rough guidelines as to how soon may be too soon to make long-term commitments and how long may be too long to stick with a relationship. Each of the three numbers—three, six, and nine—stands for the month that a different common stage of a relationship tends to end.
Anxious attachers typically require high levels of reassurance, intimacy, and emotional support from their partners to feel loved and safe.
“People are often dismissive of people experiencing anxiety,” says Joseph McGuire, Ph. D., a pediatric psychologist with Johns Hopkins Medicine. “With other medical illnesses, you may be able to see physical symptoms. But with anxiety, you don't necessarily see what the person is dealing with.
Difficult experiences in childhood, adolescence or adulthood are a common trigger for anxiety problems. Going through stress and trauma when you're very young is likely to have a particularly big impact. Experiences which can trigger anxiety problems include things like: physical or emotional abuse.
There are several things you can try to help combat anxiety, including:
High-stress people can cause you to become more anxious, too. Obviously if the high-strung people in your life are family members and coworkers, it will be difficult to completely avoid them. However, once you acknowledge how their stress may impact you, it will be easier to control it.
Stage 4: Severe/ Debilitating Anxiety Disorders
The most intense form of anxiety, stage four, is characterized by severe and debilitating anxiety disorders. These can manifest as panic disorder, PTSD, or OCD, where the anxiety is overwhelming and constant, severely impacting daily functioning.
In addition, generalized anxiety disorder can lead to other serious issues, including depression, sleep issues, panic attacks, substance abuse, concentration problems, physical ailments (such as colds or COVID-19), and suicidal thoughts and behavior.
What to avoid saying to someone with anxiety?
Examples of Nervous Habits: Mental Health's Early Warning Signs
Read on to get a closer look at four personality traits of a person with anxiety—neuroticism, low extraversion (or introversion), shyness, and conscientiousness—as well as between different personality traits and anxiety.
a racing heartbeat. feeling faint, dizzy or lightheaded. feeling that you're losing control. sweating, trembling or shaking.