It's the intuitive component of empathy that lies at the core of any successful relationship. This is hard for people with ADHD, either as the broadcasters or receivers of this data. Because they miss small details, they struggle to pick up the right cues to create the map, leaving the partner feeling misunderstood.
Impulsive behavior
Their impulsive tendencies can often lead to reckless, even destructive actions. Takeaway: In many cases, someone with adult ADHD won't be able to explain their behavior. This can take a toll on romantic relationships.
Distraction, procrastination, and other ADHD symptoms can stir anger, frustration, and hurt feelings for both the person with ADHD and the partner. But your marriage or relationship can thrive with proper treatment and tactics to ward off misunderstandings.
Kids with ADHD often feel emotions more deeply than other kids do, and love is no exception. When teens with ADHD fall in love, the good — and bad — feelings that come with it can be even more intense and more disruptive. New relationships or crushes are exciting and (mostly) enjoyable.
The attentional and emotional self-regulation challenges that can exist for partners with ADHD can interfere with experiential intimacy in several ways. First, the partner with ADHD may be distracted within the experience, missing the moment together.
Mood swings are common in people with ADHD. People with this disorder can be hypersensitive, too. That means sensations, like touch, that may feel normal to another person can feel too intense for someone with ADHD.
Variable Need for Personal Space: Some people with ADHD may have periods where they need more personal space. This doesn't mean they're disinterested or less affectionate; they just need to balance sensory input and personal comfort.
ADHD is not the kiss of death. The condition, alone, can't make or break a romantic relationship. But, if symptoms of attention deficit disorder (ADHD or ADD) are not properly acknowledged, treated, and accepted, they can — and often do — create or exacerbate marital tensions.
It's not an exaggeration to say that ADHD worsens and prolongs the pain of a breakup, even leading to depression and low self-esteem. Getting over a breakup is way more difficult for us than it is for most neurotypical people.
“Love bombing” is defined by someone showering their partner with excessive affection, attention, gifts, and flattery in order to gain their trust and dependence.
“Opposites Attract”: People with ADHD are attracted to “organized” and joyless workers bees who can keep the trains running for the both of them and who in turn are drawn to their free-spirited ADHD partner's spontaneity and sense of fun.
It's a common ADHD experience that I call 'involuntary ghosting' - a phenomenon that describes the disappearing act that happens when ADHDers forget to respond to texts.
Equally true (though less recognized) is the fact that partners with ADHD are among the most loyal, generous, engaged, and genuinely fun people you could meet. And after a lifetime of criticism for their ADHD faults, they need for their partners to recognize these good qualities — and vice versa, for that matter.
Passion and spontaneity
Seeing someone with ADHD can often mean having so many fun date ideas that it's hard to pick! It might be up to the non-ADHD partner to pick from what could be a very long list of choices, but they'll certainly never be bored or run out of things to do together.
Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder can cause misunderstandings, frustrations, and resentments in your closest relationships. But there are ways to build a healthier, happier partnership.
For patients diagnosed with adult ADHD there tends to be a “honeymoon period”, where they are really happy with treatment. They are excited and like 'wow I feel great' / 'this is so much better'.
ADHD and relationships can mean that once you move past the exciting romantic stage into the steady phase, you might find yourself chomping at the bit. Or, worse, sabotaging all and breaking up.
Here's why you keep chasing that spark, and how to reel in those urges. New relationships — romantic or platonic — can be exhilarating.
The roots of hyperfocus in ADHD relationships are complex, but the end result is often clear: While some partners may feel smothered, many get swept away by the over-the-top adoration. Then, when the obsessive love fades — or, more commonly, ends abruptly — the other partner feels abandoned and keenly bereft.
“People with ADHD generally feel their feelings more strongly, tend to wear them on their sleeve, and tend to act on them more. This can make someone a lot of fun when things are going well, but can cause big strains on the relationship when the feelings being expressed are anger or frustration,” says Tuckman.
These specific symptoms can impact how you relate to your partner: Inattention: Adults with ADHD can lose focus during conversations, which leaves the partner feeling devalued. Inattention can also lead to mindlessly agreeing to things that you later forget. This can be frustrating and lead to resentment.
The impulsivity, disorganization, and difficulty with focus that are often associated with ADHD can create challenges in communication, trust, and intimacy in a relationship.
Many people with ADHD experience a physical hypersensitivity to a variety of things, including touch.
Emotional detachment, or the act of being disconnected or disengaged from the feelings of others, is a symptom of ADHD.
Studies have shown that the greater the number of ADHD symptoms, the greater the fear of intimacy. Fear of intimacy and a reduced belief in the value of intimacy appear to be strongly related to symptoms of inattention. Sex is a component of intimacy in a relationship and ADHD also affects sexual activity.