If you're considering staying after infidelity, it's probably because you still love your partner and you want to be with them. And this is perfectly okay! There's nothing wrong with you. You may share life events, children, memories, special moments, etc.
“Couples do and can stay together after an affair, but it takes a lot of work to repair broken trust.” Klow says most couples don't recover when one cheats but “those that do can emerge stronger from having gone through the process of recovering from the affair.”
According to a study conducted by psychologist Dr. Shirley Glass, only about 25% of relationships that began as affairs actually end up lasting.
Each confession explains why they've stayed with their presumably unwitting partner, even though they don't love them anymore. Reasons range from financial issues to being fed up of dating - to simply feeling like they'd already spent so much time together that it would be a 'waste' to leave.
People who cheat are likely impulsive and destructive at decision making. Instead of thinking about you and what happens to the relationship after cheating, they go based on what they want right now. Impulsiveness can be seen in other areas of the relationship, too. So keep an eye out.
But new research finds that most men and women who cheat on their spouse have no regrets about the affair, and found them to be sexually and emotionally satisfying.
Why do people cheat? A wide variety of factors can bring out some type of affair. A study of 495 people revealed eight key reasons: anger, low self-esteem, lack of love, low commitment, need for variety, neglect, sexual desire, and circumstance.
Yes, it is possible for someone to fall in love with an affair partner, although it can be a complicated and emotionally fraught experience. These relationships have trust issues due to how they began. In order to make the relationships work, the couple needs to work diligently at trust.
Supporting data from the IFS 1990s survey also says that men have always been more inclined to cheat than women. But during this period, older men have the same tendency to cheat as their younger peers. The survey says that infidelity among men peaked at the age of 50 to 59 (31%).
The workplace. The workplace is where most affairs begin. It doesn't hurt that we usually dress nicely and are on “good behavior” at work. Plus, having shared passions about projects (or mutual annoyance at a boss or co-worker) provides the perfect breeding ground for an affair.
Yet, most affairs usually end one of two ways: with divorce or a stronger current relationship.
Our interest develops into an obsession: We can't stop thinking about the other person even if we try to concentrate on other things. We daydream and fantasize about the other person constantly. The relationship causes euphoria -- an intense "high" or feeling of joy and well-being.
Affairs are addictive and there is a reason why, when someone gets involved and makes those choices, it is hard to get out,” she explained. “It is because you get chemically addicted, there are dopamine hits that happen in your brain that makes them addicted to this person.”
Infidelity can have lasting impacts on partners and children the couple may have. Grief, brain changes, behaviors down the road, and mental health conditions such as anxiety, chronic stress, and depression can result. Some families have been able to move past infidelity with time and therapy.
"We tend to think that people cheat because they're unhappy in their relationships. And that certainly can be true, but the reality is more complicated," explained Marin. "It's important we recognize there are plenty of people in perfectly happy relationships who also cheat."
Just like a wife can fantasize about other guys, guys will fantasize about other women on occasion. It's natural and normal; it's not a big deal! However, if you start feeling guilty or worried about your guy's fantasies, then you should know that there is such a thing as too much fantasy time.
In some cases, it stems from unmet needs in a relationship. Issues like lack of communication, boredom, and personal insecurities can fester when they're not fully addressed. If one partner feels like they're never listened to or respected in their primary relationship, they may look for that in another person.
The key motivation for greater emotional intimacy with affair partners was lack of love in the primary relationship. Similarly, when the affair was prompted by lack of love, individuals found the affair more intellectually and emotionally satisfying, but much less so when the situation motivated the affair.
In addition, you might experience manipulation during the affair. Being manipulated can come with long-term psychological effects. You might experience sadness, isolation, trouble trusting others, intimacy issues, and difficulty feeling attached to others. You might also feel resentful toward your partner or yourself.
How long extramarital affairs last varies: about 50% may last between the period of one month to a year affair, long term affairs may last long-term, for about 15 months or more, and about 30% of affairs last about two years and beyond.
Research has found that, when the affair is revealed, both partners can experience mental health issues including anxiety, depression and thoughts of suicide. There can also be an increase in emotional and physical violence within the couple.
Extramarital affairs rarely last a lifetime, but when they do, it is because of secrecy and sacrifice and a real loving connection. These are not easy affairs to maintain, and the longer they go on, the harder it will be for everyone involved.
An extramarital affair may not have any legal recognition and attract social disapproval, but when two people choose to be in such a relationship, not for a few weeks or months but many years, it is because they feel a deep love for each other. Sometimes, this bond can be stronger than a marriage.
According to WebMD, the “in love” stage of an affair lasts 6 to 18 months, on average. And around 75% of marriages that start as affairs end in divorce. Considering only 5 to 7% of affair relationships lead to marriage, that's a grim statistic for couples hoping their affairs will last forever.