Many people cheat because of anger, lack of love, low commitment, esteem, and neglect. Plus, some cheaters want to be discovered. Women have longer affairs, and affairs were also longer and more emotionally satisfying when participants felt closer to their affair partner.
The key motivation for greater emotional intimacy with affair partners was lack of love in the primary relationship. Similarly, when the affair was prompted by lack of love, individuals found the affair more intellectually and emotionally satisfying, but much less so when the situation motivated the affair.
Affairs are addictive and there is a reason why, when someone gets involved and makes those choices, it is hard to get out,” she explained. “It is because you get chemically addicted, there are dopamine hits that happen in your brain that makes them addicted to this person.”
Infidelity is associated with several personality traits: loneliness, extroversion, anxiety, depression, moodiness, narcissism, openness to new experiences, frequent use of alcohol, a history of child sexual abuse, and knowledge that one or both of one's parents had been unfaithful.
Research in the field of infidelity reveals that there are three distinct personality types correlated with a higher likelihood of cheating: sociopaths, narcissists, and lonely hearts.
Why do people cheat? A wide variety of factors can bring out some type of affair. A study of 495 people revealed eight key reasons: anger, low self-esteem, lack of love, low commitment, need for variety, neglect, sexual desire, and circumstance.
Supporting data from the IFS 1990s survey also says that men have always been more inclined to cheat than women. But during this period, older men have the same tendency to cheat as their younger peers. The survey says that infidelity among men peaked at the age of 50 to 59 (31%).
Look up the length of affairs on Google and apart from one-or-two-night stands, the consensus is that most run their course in six months to two years.
People who cheat are likely impulsive and destructive at decision making. Instead of thinking about you and what happens to the relationship after cheating, they go based on what they want right now. Impulsiveness can be seen in other areas of the relationship, too. So keep an eye out.
The workplace. The workplace is where most affairs begin. It doesn't hurt that we usually dress nicely and are on “good behavior” at work. Plus, having shared passions about projects (or mutual annoyance at a boss or co-worker) provides the perfect breeding ground for an affair.
The Difference With Why People Cheat in Happy Relationships
When people are happy in their relationship, it's less likely that the partner who is cheating has fallen out of love with their partner. Rather they're newly in love with the free, risk-taking, adventurous person they become when they're having the affair.
Yes, it is possible for someone to fall in love with an affair partner, although it can be a complicated and emotionally fraught experience. These relationships have trust issues due to how they began.
“Findings indicate that while affairs do tend to make respondents happy, a number of factors influence perception of life satisfaction during an affair, including a belief that an outside partner is required to remain in a primary partnership, a desire to remain in the primary partnership, at least biweekly sexual ...
Our interest develops into an obsession: We can't stop thinking about the other person even if we try to concentrate on other things. We daydream and fantasize about the other person constantly. The relationship causes euphoria -- an intense "high" or feeling of joy and well-being.
Just like a wife can fantasize about other guys, guys will fantasize about other women on occasion. It's natural and normal; it's not a big deal! However, if you start feeling guilty or worried about your guy's fantasies, then you should know that there is such a thing as too much fantasy time.
People who fantasize about someone other than their partner may also have fewer inhibitions and feel less constrained by the bonds of commitment. Fantasy infidelities are not a sign that something is profoundly lacking in a relationship, but they can be a gateway to actual infidelity.
Between one in four to five Americans have an affair in their lifetime. Among men, 68% feel guilty after having an affair. Even if they haven't confessed the affair, most cheating husbands will feel guilty and express that guilt in their behavior.
Unfortunately, there are several long-term effects of infidelity that can affect a person long after the cheating has stopped. These can be life-changing, and lead to the development of certain mental health conditions including chronic depression, anxiety, post-infidelity stress disorder, and betrayal trauma.
If you've been cheated on, it may take a long time to heal. It can cause you chronic anxiety, post-traumatic stress, depression, and mistrust of others for a long time after the event.
Women in their 60s report the highest rate of infidelity (16%), but the share goes down sharply among women in their 70s and 80s. By comparison, the infidelity rate among men in their 70s is the highest (26%), and it remains high among men ages 80 and older (24%).
Sometimes, an affair ends when one (or both) of the partners decides that the affair has become more trouble than it is worth. They may then choose to break the affair off. In some instances, the affair is somehow discovered by the betrayed spouse, and this may bring a halt to the relationship.
Globally – the average age of women having affairs is 36.6, while the average age of marriage is 29, making the length of time between marriage and cheating 7.6 years. According to Sigurd Vedal, founder of Victoria Milan, this means that women, on average, seek new lovers between seven and eight years after marriage.
My strong opinion is that a person cannot make a wise and thoughtful decision about much of anything when they are having an affair. I am well aware that the euphoric state cannot just be turned off like a bath faucet, so telling a person to end the affair and expect that to happen is a fool's game.
It can also happen when a missed opportunity with an old flame arises from your past. Coming to the question of how many affairs are discovered, a survey by IllicitEncounters.com (a dating site for extramarital affairs) revealed that 63% of cheaters have been caught at some point.
The Reasoning
There are many reasons people cheat, but according to Campbell, they usually fall into three categories: individual, relationship, and situational.