In some cases, it stems from unmet needs in a relationship. Issues like lack of communication, boredom, and personal insecurities can fester when they're not fully addressed. If one partner feels like they're never listened to or respected in their primary relationship, they may look for that in another person.
We often think of infidelity as something that only occurs in broken, unhappy relationships, or when partners are feeling super desperate. But the truth of the matter is that infidelity can occur in even the happiest couple. And infidelity is more common than we would like to think.
"We tend to think that people cheat because they're unhappy in their relationships. And that certainly can be true, but the reality is more complicated," explained Marin. "It's important we recognize there are plenty of people in perfectly happy relationships who also cheat."
A wide variety of factors can bring out some type of affair. A study of 495 people revealed eight key reasons: anger, low self-esteem, lack of love, low commitment, need for variety, neglect, sexual desire, and circumstance.
Inherent Selfishness/Entitlement. Some cheaters, despite loving their partner and enjoying their relationship, feel they deserve more. Rather than seeing their vow of fidelity as a sacrifice made to and for their relationship, they view it as something to be worked around.
Infidelity does not mean that the love is gone or never existed. The reality is that you can love someone and still cheat on them. In fact, many affairs happen in relationships that are otherwise very happy.
The most important thing to remember is what cheating says about a person. They're insecure, impulsive, selfish, and immature. Sometimes, it's a chronic problem that likely won't ever be fixed, just be sure not to ignore the warning signs.
Here, experts explain this phenomenon and dispel other popular cheating myths. Fact #1: Most men are still in love with their wives when they cheat. Men who cheat haven't fallen out of love; they've become unsatisfied with the current state of it.
Among men, 68% feel guilty after having an affair. Even if they haven't confessed the affair, most cheating husbands will feel guilty and express that guilt in their behavior. You may notice subtle changes in their behavior that make you wonder if your spouse is displaying cheating husband guilt.
Cheating doesn't mean your partner doesn't love you or respect you anymore. In fact, it's quite the contrary. If your partner cheats on you, it's because they're doing everything they can to keep the relationship intact while still fulfilling their needs (because everyone has needs, both emotional and sexual).
Research in the field of infidelity reveals that there are three distinct personality types correlated with a higher likelihood of cheating: sociopaths, narcissists, and lonely hearts.
An affair is generally a sign things aren't right with someone's relationship. Without the necessary skills to heal the issues, a partner may engage in an affair as an ill-equipped way of attempting to have their needs fulfilled – whether these be for intimacy, to feel valued, to experience more sex, and so on.
Infidelity happens in bad marriages and in good marriages. It happens even in open relationships where extramarital sex is carefully negotiated beforehand. The freedom to leave or divorce has not made cheating obsolete.
1. How are most affairs discovered? The phone! While there are text message codes that cheating spouses use to avoid getting caught, there is no denying that mobile phones are a danger zone for adulterers.
Affairs usually begin with an attraction to someone you know fairly well, someone you spend time with each week — your friends and co-workers.
First, the “gains” of infidelity involve having more (and perhaps more exciting) sex—and sexual activity, and orgasm in particular, are among the most pleasurable (dopaminergic) experiences humans can have without ingesting stimulant drugs like methamphetamine or cocaine.
For the betrayed spouse, stages of an affair being exposed can involve everything from denial, shock, reflection, depression to finally taking an upward turn.
Statistics show that only 31% of marriages last after the affair has been discovered or admitted to. People who are unfaithful to their partners regret causing their loved one so much pain and heartache. Even if the couple decides to stay together, it's very hard for them to have a trust-based, happy relationship.
As a therapist, it's comforting to know that so many men do feel badly about infidelity, and that they want to make things right if they can. Their regret doesn't make their actions OK, of course, but it does provide hope for the long-term success of their relationships.
About 14% of couples under the age of 55 reported adultery in their marriage. Most people who cheat have been married for 20 to 30 years and are between the age of 50 and 60.
Willard Harvey, in his book His Needs/Her Needs, states the five top needs of men in marriage. Those five needs are admiration, physical attractiveness, recreational companionship, sexual fulfillment and domestic support. The need that is often most neglected and that I want to focus on here is the need for admiration.
According to the General Social Survey, men are more likely to cheat than women, with 20% of men and 13% of women reporting having sex with someone other than their partner while still married. However, the gender gap varies per age.
An affair means you have little respect for your partner — so little, in fact, that you're happy to be indiscreet with someone else without your partner's knowledge. If you have so little respect for another human being, why are you in a long-term relationship with them?
Look for these telltale signs to determine true remorse: Not only do they apologize, and often, but they also openly express what they're apologizing for. They don't make vague statements or blanket apologies. They show their remorse by doing things that they feel will lessen your pain.
It takes a high level of commitment, respect, and empathy to remain faithful to someone you love. Cheating is inherently an immature behavior that puts a lack of self-control and impulsivity on display. Both hallmarks of immaturity.