“Parents tend to favour a child that is most like them, reminds them of themselves, or represents what they view as a success of parenting,” she says. “Younger children are most likely to have been raised by a parent who, over time and experience, is more confident and skilled in their child-raising.”
But while age and personality play a role in why one child gets more from a parent than another, over and above this are issues of parental stress. When parents experience financial strain, mental health problems or partner conflict, differential parenting or sibling favouritism becomes more marked.
“Parents may favor one child over another, for a lot of reasons. The child may have an easy temperament or might behave particularly well. They may look like you, or remind you of a favorite relative,” says Susan Newman, Ph.
Parents often treat children differently for reasons based solely on qualities that are nobody's fault. Factors like birth order, genes, gender, and more sometimes lead to bias. Potential reasons include: Birth order: Firstborn kids might get more attention and praise for being responsible and capable.
One social psychologist noted that favoritism is more likely “when parents are under a great deal of stress (e.g., marital problems, financial worries). In these cases, parents may be unable to inhibit their true feelings or monitor how fair they're behaving.”
A parent excessively praises one child while ignoring, criticizing, or saying little positive about other children. These parents have difficulty acknowledging one child's shortcomings (often the favorite) or appreciating other children's strengths (often the overlooked or unfavorite).
Even if you don't fully recognize it, research indicates that there's a good chance that you actually do have a favorite. In fact, one study published in the Journal of Family Psychology found 74% of moms and 70% of dads reported preferential treatment toward one child.
“The biggest long-term dangers are depression, anxiety, unstable or even traumatic reactions in personal relationships, and performance anxiety for both the favored and non-favored children,” says Williams. She also discusses self-esteem issues and feelings of rejection following the child into adulthood.
The survey concluded that parents tend to favour their youngest child over the elder. More than half of the parents quizzed said they preferred their youngest child, while only 26 per cent said that their favourite child was their eldest.
Golden Child Syndrome refers to a strict requirement of becoming perfect by parents. Children tend to have an overwhelming need to please. For example, expecting a child to score straight As, do every house chore perfectly, behave perfectly, or follow strict life rules.
“Parents tend to favour a child that is most like them, reminds them of themselves, or represents what they view as a success of parenting,” she says. “Younger children are most likely to have been raised by a parent who, over time and experience, is more confident and skilled in their child-raising.”
Families rarely talk about this, but research shows that many parents do, in fact, have a favorite and least favorite child.
In terms of happiness, a compelling argument for having an only child comes from science that strongly indicates that mothers with one child are happiest.
Often when kids act up with one parent, it's because they are struggling with self-confidence. They feel weak, so they target the parent who has less power. It makes them feel powerful and in control.
An unhealthy relationship with parents can deeply impact the child over time. These problems include a lack of boundaries, rejection, restrictiveness and overprotection, overindulgence, substance abuse and unrealistic expectations from children.
Favoritism may cause a child to have anger or behavior problems, loneliness, increased levels of depression, a lack of self-esteem, or a refusal to interact with others. These issues may appear in children who were favored by a parent and those who were not.
The unfavoured child may shy away and may not respond very well. As these kids grow up they tend to lack social skills due to lack of self-confidence. According to experts, unfavoured children may carry the belief that they are not good enough throughout their lives.
If a child feels comfortable actively rejecting one parent, that means she's securely attached, Dr. Heard-Garris said. That may sound counterintuitive, but if a child were unsure of a parent's love, she would cling to any scrap of affection, Dr. Heard-Garris said.
The age and stage
The phase can start as early as six to eight months and continues until around age two – when object permanence is fully established.
According to research, parents tend to favour the baby of the family. A UK parenting website, Mumsnet, surveyed 1,185 parents to find out if they had a favourite child. More than half of the respondents admitted to preferring the youngest child.
Researchers found that 13.3 percent of the most attractive children were buckled while only 1.2 percent of children categorized as the least attractive were buckled. Researchers concluded that fathers were more likely to favor attractive children when buckling them into the basket.
Whilst parents may not intend to treat sons and daughters differently, research shows that they do. Sons appear to get preferential treatment in that they receive more helpful praise, more time is invested in them, and their abilities are often thought of in higher regard.