Older men divorce due to a combination of factors, including empty nest syndrome (realizing they've grown apart after kids leave), a desire for a "fresh start" or new experiences before time runs out, infidelity, unresolved resentment, financial differences, and changing expectations about life's meaning and personal fulfillment, often spurred by better health and longer lifespans. They may feel their marriage wasn't fulfilling and seek excitement or companionship elsewhere, sometimes linked to a midlife crisis or simply wanting to live authentically for their remaining years.
In 2021, the U.S. Census Bureau released new data indicating that the divorce rate in America is approximately 34%. Notably, adults between the ages of 55 and 64 have the highest divorce rate of any age group at 43%. A “gray divorce” is a term used to refer to couples over the age of 60 who are divorcing.
It's easy to think that divorce past 60 could lead to a later life filled with loneliness. However, on the contrary, divorce in later life usually opens the doors to more fulfilling connection--especially now that you've been around the block and have a better idea of what you're looking for.
Relationship researcher John Gottman identifies four specific behaviors that often predict divorce: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. He calls these the “Four Horsemen” and highlights the significant damage even one of these can inflict on a marriage.
For people ages 65 and older, the divorce rate was 15% in 2022, about triple of such rates in the 1990s for the same age set, according to the Institute for Family Studies. These numbers open eyes because overall divorce rates have dipped significantly in the last few decades.
For many experts, ages 6–10 are considered the worst age for divorce for children. At this stage, children are emotionally aware but not yet mature enough to fully understand adult relationships. Here are some ways divorce might affect children ages 6-10.
The 7-7-7 rule is a structured method for couples to regularly reconnect, involving a date night every 7 days, a weekend getaway every 7 weeks, and a kid-free vacation every 7 months.
1. Lack of Honesty. Often when we think of honesty, notably honesty in marital relationships, we think of a very tangible “where were you last night” kind of honesty. While this is obviously critically important, there are many other kinds of dishonesty that can destroy marriages.
Contempt. Of all the predictive factors, contempt is the most prominent one. Based on extensive research, Dr Gottman names the 'Four Horsemen' or four communication habits that are the best predictors of divorce.
Yes, statistically, second marriages are more likely to end in divorce than first marriages. Factors such as unresolved emotional issues, blended family challenges, and lower tolerance for marital conflict all contribute to the increased risk.
A quick scrolling of what the engines and algorithms are producing on-line indicates that both men and women regret divorce, with a higher percentage of men admitting to that debilitating emotion. The initial glance stands at 27 percent of women owning up to regret post-divorce vs. 39 percent of men.
The rule is to go on a date with your partner every 2 weeks. Go on a weekend trip with your partner every 2 months. Go on a week-long trip with your partner every 2 years.
The "Four Horsemen" that predict divorce are criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. You can improve relationships by using "I feel" statements and appreciating your partner's positive qualities. Taking responsibility and finding ways to calm down can help reduce conflict.
5 Biggest Mistakes You Must Avoid Making During Divorce
Coping With Separation And Divorce
Financial Disputes: Disagreements over finances are among the main reasons for gray divorce, as older couples have typically acquired more wealth than younger couples. Financial disputes can take the form of arguments over investments, budgeting, or how best to spend retirement funds.
Dr. John Gottman dubbed the four most destructive communication patterns that predict divorce and separation as "The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse": Criticism, Defensiveness, Contempt, and Stonewalling.
Once upon a time when divorce was rare, most people were driven to it by what I call The Three A's– affairs, addictions or abuse. Divorce meant that someone was chronically cheating, repeatedly intoxicated, or physically violent.
Summary: Discovering signs your partner might want a divorce is essential. Look out for changes in communication, intimacy, and behavior, such as increased arguments, emotional distance, or secretive behavior. This awareness helps you decide whether to work on saving your marriage or prepare for divorce.
This is where the 7-7-7 rule comes in, a “trend” making the rounds on social media recently, also referred to as the 1-1-1-1 method. By 7-7-7 it means every seven days have a date night, every seven weeks have a night away and every seven months go on a romantic holiday.
The Three A's – Adultery, Abuse, and Addiction
Therapists would love for every marriage to be able to be saved, but that just simply isn't realistic. Every marriage therapist knows when a couple comes into their office and are dealing with one of what we call, The Three A's …
Gottman studied more than 2,000 married couples over two decades and found four attitudes that most predict the dissolution of a relationship, especially in combination. They are criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling — the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Follow the four golden rules – don't lie, keep your promises, argue productively and always play nice – and your relationship will never go anywhere but forward.
When a disagreement comes up, each partner will take 5 minutes to speak while the other simply listens, and then they use the final five minutes to talk it through. “My job is to just listen, and then she'll listen and I'll talk for 5 minutes, and then we dialogue about it for the last five minutes,” Clarke says.