Narcissists are control freaks. Having a relationship implies a give-and-take and a train of compromises which the narcissist acutely interprets to mean a loss of control over his life.To reassert control, the narcissist initiates other relationships in which he dictates the terms of engagement (love affairs).
Narcissists and sociopaths are notorious for engaging in both emotional and physical infidelity. Not only are narcissists players and pick-up artists in the dating world, they are also serial cheaters in relationships.
Narcissism and Cheating Occur Because the Narcissists Feel the Need to Devalue Their Partner. With narcissism and cheating, it isn't bad enough that the narcissist is seeking validation from someone else, but they'll also start devaluing their partner at the same time.
Unfortunately, they don't. If they felt any guilt, they would perhaps be able to change their behavior and stop cheating. No consequence is enough to turn them around because, in their eyes, cheating isn't anything serious. It's just a way to make them feel better about themselves.
Some narcissists keep affairs going for years, whilst retaining a seemingly normal married life. The narcissists' affair is often aware they're married.
But as clinical psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula points out, narcissists often have a habit of staying in contact with their exes in a way that is solely about their own needs. "The central motivator for narcissists is validation," she explains. "And an ex is often a really interesting place to get it...
Long-term relationships are boring to narcissists. They are drawn by the chase and may idealize the partners they can't have. They may appear to be charming, generous, and caring at first. But when they have you, they begin to get bored and to look for your faults.
Narcissists thirst for attention and supply is virtually unquenchable. And often their partners cannot provide enough on their own. Not all narcissists cheat, but many do. Flirting could be a sign of their intentions to cheat.
They will often deploy a variety of narcissistic relationship patterns such as manipulation, charismatic, and exploitational tactics in order to ensure that their own needs and wants are met. As a spouse, you may be the subject of their manipulation and abuse, while your partner treats everyone else positively.
By remaining friends with their exes, narcissists get to keep all of their former partners on a carousel of convenience: they can create a harem of people to use for sex, money, praise, attention or whatever else they desire, at any time.
While it's not impossible for a narcissist to be faithful, it is unlikely due to their self-centered nature and lack of empathy. If you're in a relationship with a narcissist, it's important to be aware of these traits so that you can protect yourself and your relationship.
"Narcissists are drawn to those who can boost their own self-esteem and validate their sense of importance," Wasser told Insider. "Being associated with someone who is successful or admired can make the narcissist feel more important by proxy."
However, as time passes, the narcissist instinctively and subconsciously realizes that his partner has something he or she does not. Due to a narcissist's lack of self-awareness and inability to extend authentic empathy, he or she feels threatened by someone who possesses something he or she does not understand.
For most people, a partner's level of warmth and trustworthiness is the most important factor in determining relationship satisfaction. A study found that narcissists were the happiest with "trophy" partners, high in physical attractiveness and status.
Many people with narcissistic disorders want to settle down and get married, but tend to have unrealistic expectations of their mates. The relationship pattern of a narcissist commonly ends in constant devaluation of their partner and abuse.
In addition to deflecting blame, they will devalue you and make you wish you had never confronted them. Devaluing is a huge part of the narcissistic relationship. When it comes to devaluing you, catching them in a lie will be no different than dealing with any other conflict.
Often, they keep deviating from the topic or shift the blame. You could say that narcissists act have overinflated egos and perceive things differently; this is why they might perceive the lies as their truth and act accordingly. Thus, they do not believe they lie and distort the truth.
They get jealous about everything
They talk a good game, but narcissists actually have very low self-esteem. Low self-worth/confidence/esteem is at the core of a narcissism. This low sense of self naturally makes it extremely easy for them to become jealous – very jealous.
Unless they have had a lot of successful psychotherapy for their NPD, they do not feel guilt, shame, or self-doubt so long as their narcissistic defenses hold. This means that they do not think there is anything for them to regret, no matter how hurt you feel.
Narcissistic relationships can last anywhere from a few days or weeks to many years. There are anecdotal observations suggesting that the average length of a narcissistic relationship is around six months, but no empirical evidence supports this claim.
Ramani adds that narcissists not only get bored easily with new things, but also new people. Her theory is that narcissistic reward-sensitivity may explain why narcissists can engage in impulsive, sometimes dangerous behavior—drugs, alcohol, gambling, unsafe sexual practices, overspending, or overeating.
The cerebral cortex has also been found to be less developed in narcissists and this area is responsible for memory, emotions and behaviour. Therefore the narcissist seems to move on so fast because their emotions are not as deep as ours but also, they don't form memories in the same way the rest of us do.