By deliberately hurting you a narcissist is able to obtain a tangible representation of their “greatness”. It makes them feel like they are better than you, which validates and reassures their grandiose sense of self, because they can see that you are in a weak and vulnerable position.
Narcissists and psychopaths are well-known for a tactic known as “baiting.” They deliberately provoke you so that you emotionally react and swallow their blameshifting hook, line, and sinker.
Sometimes, the narcissist doesn't mean to hurt you. Being sensitive to everything is just how their brains work. And if they are — by their own logic — being attacked, they will bite back even harder. However, by their nature, they may also want to hurt you too, because it makes them feel superior.
A question that many survivors of narcissistic abuse have is, “If the narcissist in my life loves me as much as they say that they do, why do they hurt me so much?” As a general rule, narcissists hurt the people that they love because they have insecure attachment styles.
They have in essence, no intention of changing. This article is a big, fat reality check that the narcissist acts from a place of intentionality. They make deliberate choices to cause harm to feed off your pain. The raw truth of these facts are evidenced in their own actions.
Narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths can inflict long-lasting damage on their victims. Their emotional and verbal abuse, combined with their cruel, persistent attempts at sabotage, can even drive their victims to self-destruction and suicide.
Narcissistic rage is common for those with NPD as they grow increasingly angry with any display of vulnerability. This anger can be triggered when they are “called out,” their image has been damaged, or their shortcomings or wrongdoings are highlighted.
The narcissistic person struggles with emotional regulation and has a very low tolerance for their own emotional world; their efforts to avoid and deflect having to face their own emotions manifest as minimizations and invalidations of the other's, often in terribly abusive ways.”
Regret can occur if your action hurts someone else, or if it hurts you, including the potential to hurt you. For a narcissist, they can experience regret, but their regret is inward focused and is void of concern for how it could have affected someone else.
Many narcissists, at some point or other, do become aware of the effect their behaviors have on other people, but they are completely indifferent to it.
While narcissists are not always dangerous, some can become violent when triggered and angered. Depending on the severity of their disorder, they may use manipulation or even physical abuse to maintain control over a situation.
They will often deploy a variety of narcissistic relationship patterns such as manipulation, charismatic, and exploitational tactics in order to ensure that their own needs and wants are met. As a spouse, you may be the subject of their manipulation and abuse, while your partner treats everyone else positively.
Even after a narcissist discards you, the chaos isn't always over. Oftentimes, they'll continue taunting their victims with "baiting." As the name implies, this manipulation strategy involves deliberately provoking or triggering victims in an attempt to elicit an emotional response.
The reason youve found yourself the target of narcissistic hatred is that they view love as a weakness and consequently, it repulses them. But, at the same time, it allows them to extract copious amounts of narcissistic supply. This is why they seem to hate you but wont let you go easily.
When the narcissist is low on narcissistic supply, they will then use your words against you to feel better about themselves. Their knowledge of the areas in which you have struggles allows them to better blame shift and make the problem about you when they feel targeted and backed into the wall.
The most effective weapon to fend off a narcissist is self-love. Narcissists do not want to feel like you don't need them, that you are better off without them, and that you love yourself exactly as you are.
Narcissists cannot be in long, healthy relationships because they only love themselves. So a narcissist will never regret losing you; they will simply move on to the next person that helps them feel better about themselves.
People who narcissists have hurt suffer, and so do the narcissist themselves. The best way to work toward less suffering in the world is by seeing the victim in the villain so everyone can have a chance at happiness. Laura Silverstein is a mental health professional with a passion for bridging differences.
Signs and symptoms of narcissistic abuse syndrome
Long-term abuse can change a victim's brain, resulting in cognitive decline and memory loss. In turn, the changes in the brain can increase the risk for chronic stress, PTSD, and symptoms of self-sabotage.
The four stages of the narcissistic abuse cycle are: Idealization, Devaluation, Repetition, and Discard. In this cycle, a narcissistic partner may love-bomb you, devalue your sense of self over time, repeat the pattern, and eventually, discard you and/or the relationship.
They are often driven from agitation into an aggressive rage with a simple trigger. Any small play against their ego, perfectionism, or a slight action against their image of self-worth, may be enough to trigger narcissistic rage.
Type As can also be dangerous to narcissists
Although they can be targeted, type A people can also become a narcissist's worst nightmare. One of the most important defenses against dark personalities is having strong boundaries yourself, and type A people are usually aware they have the right to build them.
A narcissist may have a breakdown if their supply is cut off and they feel vulnerable, embarrassed, or out of control. Narcissistic breakdown symptoms can include rage, impulsive behaviors, or other ways of showcasing intense mental suffering.